Dhamma

Forgiveness is Medicine

It is against my religion to feel resentment

I have been reflecting a lot lately on forgiveness. We all do things we regret. To be a human being is to make mistakes. Sometimes other people hurt us. Sometimes we hurt ourselves by holding onto remorse for past actions.

There’s a good reason why we should forgive one another. It makes us feel better. Resentment is like poison — it makes us unwell. It stops us from feeling happy and robs us of peace of mind. Whatever you or someone else has done, feeling angry about it doesn’t make things better. The past has been left behind, it can’t be changed.

Nobody is perfect. It is inevitable that in this life we will do something we regret or that others will hurt us in some way. This is par for the course. Forgive yourself, forgive others. You are no longer the person you were, nor is the person you feel hostility towards.

To forgive is an act of generosity and medicine for the heart. It heals wounds — puts the heart back together, like glue that makes us whole again.

Resentment is against my religion. It is a manifestation of hate and hatred is a cause of suffering. My religion is all about being free of suffering. When people forgive one another it is a beautiful thing that opens up the heart and mends connections that have been broken. Wipes the slate clean.

Part of my mindfulness practise at the moment is to notice when I am feeling remorse or resentment. When I notice these states of mind, I forgive myself or the person I feel bitterness towards. Then to seclude my consciousness from anger or sadness, I centre with the present moment. I keep repeating: ‘I forgive myself. I forgive others.’ I say this over and over, till the mind catches on.

The unwholesome thoughts continue in the background but I ignore them, I deliberately choose to keep forgiving myself and others. Eventually, the negativity becomes wispy and fades away, and then my heart feels free.

I forgive because it makes me feel better. It makes it easier to meditate and to live in the present moment.

Applied and sustained attention to a meditation object secludes consciousness from longing and aversion. It takes a lot of practice, many many hours. The task is simple, each time the mind wanders, bring it back to the meditation object. Do this over and over again, eventually, the mind settles and becomes content to stay with the object of meditation and the restlessness stops, the mind becomes pacified, no longer tugging one this way and that.

It isn’t a laser beam or tunnel vision focus. That kind of attention will give you a headache. It is a relaxed attention that is neither too tight nor too loose. A gentle attention, a warm friendly attention. One allows everything in awareness to be as it is but remains anchored with the feeling of embodiment, with the meditation object at the centre.

When one can maintain that for long enough, longing and aversion disappear and then one feels great relief and a lightness of being. One may even sigh audibly. Joy arises and then serenity. The body feels very pleasant and comfortable. This then leads to deep states of stillness. Which in turn leads to a balanced mind. To equanimity.

Forgiveness is a tool I use often now to help me meditate. My thoughts will often wander into regret for things I have said and done in the past. Sometimes I may feel hostility towards the world and others. When I notice this, I forgive myself, forgive the world, forgive others. This helps me let go of the poison and makes it easier to remain centred on the object of meditation — it also brings a fullness to the heart.

Applied and sustained attention to an object of meditation leads to the jhanas, to samadhi. Jhana gives one a taste of freedom. Freedom from greed, hatred, and taking things personally. When one experiences this, one sees that those states of mind cause us to suffer. The mind feels much better without them. Much lighter and happier. When longing and aversion aren’t present, the mind stops harassing itself, and there is peace. This is the happiness that comes from seclusion, seclusion from unwholesome states of mind. It brings insight into the cause of suffering and this develops into wisdom.