Forgiveness Is Healthy But Sometimes Hard

Hard Times

I struggled with trying to forgive my first husband for his alcohol abuse, and more importantly, the emotional and physical abuse. He was very controlling, and I put up with it just to try and keep the peace.

I was young, and today there is no way I would endure that life. I especially didn’t want there to be arguing in front of the children, but it happened. I had PTSD symptoms, and I was very afraid of him.

After I finally got away from him he left the state. I was glad he was gone, but that meant no child support. One more reason to be ticked off!

I was an RN, so I worked a double shift when necessary to make ends meet. I raised the children, and they are all doing well.

Beginning of Recovery

Eventually, I started writing. I wrote what I was angry about and what I could change. I also read self-help books. I knew keeping resentments was not healthy, and I was dealing with systemic lupus symptoms also.

I read that forgiveness has a positive mental and physical effect. I wanted to forgive and just move on with my life.

I knew any relationship I might have in the future would be healthier, not that I was looking to remarry at this time. I also read that my immune system would be stronger, and considering my physical health that was important.

I heard that forgiveness has both internal (emotional) and external (behavioral) elements. I had never thought of it that way before. What did that mean for me?

New Decisions

I knew I was not going to allow myself to be put in the position of being abused again. I had been a happy child growing up. I wanted to be happy again, and I wanted to feel good about myself too.

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. I understood that, so I made a plan for my life. I started taking better care of myself.

I kept a journal and wrote my feelings in it almost every day. I read Alanon's material and tried to apply it to my life.

I started a new, improved exercise program. This helped me feel better about myself. I was eating healthy and getting enough rest too.

I started to meditate along with praying. I also started attending church regularly, and I realized the Lord was in charge. I found I was much happier.

I knew my husband had been abused as a child. I took that into consideration and decided to make a conscious decision to finally forgive him. It was time to let go of the negativity in my life.

Life Is Good

I knew this was my choice, and I finally felt free. It was almost like a physical weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I learned of his death a few months ago. My three sons went to his funeral together as they felt they needed some closure.

I knew I never wanted another conversation with him, and I didn’t feel much at all about his death. It had been about thirty years since I had any communication with him.

I am free. I am happy. Have you had difficulty forgiving someone in your life? Or, have you forgiven someone? I would like to know how you did that.

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