Summary

The website content discusses the importance of forgiveness for physical health, detailing the negative effects of holding grudges and the benefits of practicing forgiveness.

Abstract

The article "Forgiveness, Grudges, and Your Physical Health" emphasizes that harboring resentment can have detrimental effects on one's physical well-being, potentially leading to heart issues, brain matter changes, and increased illness. It suggests that actively engaging in forgiveness can lead to improved health outcomes such as lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart attack, and alleviation of anxiety and depression. The author acknowledges that while forgiveness is often easier said than done, it is a crucial process for emotional and physical health. The article distinguishes between decisional forgiveness, which is the conscious choice to forgive, and emotional forgiveness, which involves processing and releasing the associated emotions. It encourages readers to acknowledge and feel their emotions without judgment, as repressing them can lead to recurring physical symptoms. The journey to forgiveness is personal and can be challenging, but the article assures that with practice and possibly therapeutic assistance, one can reach a point where past grievances no longer elicit negative reactions.

Opinions

The author believes that holding onto grudges is akin to self-inflicted harm, like carrying hot coals.
Forgiveness is presented as a process with tangible health benefits, including lowering blood pressure and cholesterol levels.
The article posits that everyone experiences being wronged, and while forgiveness is difficult, it is necessary for personal growth and health.
The author, identifying as a Scorpio, shares personal anecdotes about the struggle to forgive, highlighting the challenge as part of their astrological nature.
The concept of decisional versus emotional forgiveness is introduced, with the latter being more complex and involving the processing of deep-seated emotions.
The author advocates for the acknowledgment and experience of emotions related to past grievances, suggesting that they must be felt to be released.
The article suggests that therapy can be a valuable tool in the process of forgiveness, helping to uncover and address unresolved issues.
It is implied that forgiveness is a liberating act that can lead to wishing wellness upon those who have caused harm, even if it is a difficult journey to reach that point.

Forgiveness, Grudges, and Your Physical Health

Holding a grudge is like carrying around hot coals, expecting the other person to get burned when in reality, it’s only your own skin that gets singed.

Grudges run deeper than that age-old saying, though. They affect our physical health, their implications running from heart issues to brain matter (1, 2) to illness.

Research has found that actively practicing forgiveness can lower your blood pressure, lower the risk of heart attack, reduce physical pain, anxiety, depression, and even reduce cholesterol levels.

Sure, it sounds easy enough. Spiritual and religious leaders preach it all the time. Practice forgiveness. Don’t carry around those hot coals. Release your resentment and you’ll be set free. Yay!

But in practice, it’s harder than it sounds. For some, it comes as one of life’s hardest lessons.

Everybody has been wronged by someone at some point or another. Being wronged by someone can illicit horrible feelings of betrayal, digging into our most primal instincts of needing to belong. It feels terrible.

As I write this, I keep thinking back to times in my younger life when I was betrayed by people I thought were my close friends. That was years ago, and I’ve since let it all go, but that’s not to say it was easy.

I was a hot-headed twenty-something. There were certain grudges I hung on to for a long time. For a while, even the thought of the passed conflict would make my heart race and my face burn.

If you’re into astrology, I’m a Scorpio, meaning it’s really hard for me to let things go. I’m good at taking past grievances and burying them deep inside, only to covertly take my revenge when the timing is capricious…

But that’s not healthy, even if it is somehow written into my stars.

After said betrayals from long ago, those passed fake friends go on to live their own lives while I go on with mine, and I never really see them again. It’s not worth living in the past and holding on to that resentment for an opportune moment for revenge that may never come.

When I was younger, I could really hold onto anger in an unhealthy way, and letting go was an ultimate challenge. Honestly, it still is a challenge. I go to therapy every other week and sometimes, we dig into things of my past that I never knew still bothered me until I begin getting those uncomfortable somatic cues.

Logically, I realize I need to let that shit go. Energetically, I still feel it inside of me. It becomes a tough process of telling myself to let go while finding the strength deep inside of me to actually do it.

So how do you practice forgiveness when it is really, really hard?

So how can I tell you to practice forgiveness, now that I’ve told you how hard it can be for me?

Well, that journey is different for everybody.

I was wronged by the betrayal of people I thought were close friends. That could be nothing compared to finding the strength to forgive somebody who abused you or a dissolved marriage that ended in some other sort of betrayal. Comparing the two doesn’t make it any easier, because it could have always been worse. So what do you do?

Well, according to Harvard Health, there are two types of forgiveness: Decisional forgiveness and emotional forgiveness.

Decisional forgiveness is the first step. It’s making the conscious decision to replace ill will with goodwill.

Emotional forgiveness is much harder. It’s taking those feelings that are brought up when you think about the offender or the offending situation and finding a way to no longer dwell on them.

Feelings and emotions are energy, and they can’t be repressed. In accordance with the basic laws of physics, energy can’t be created nor destroyed, so when these emotions aren’t processed, they get stuck inside of you, only to come up again and again until you find a way to process and release them.

You can make the conscious decision to forgive, but still feel that tightness in the chest and throat, that racing heart, or the other physical signs of anger whenever a thought of that person or situation comes up.

You can’t repress it, so you have to feel it. You have to acknowledge the angry emotions and let them run their course. As you allow them to pass through you, they’ll eventually fade.

Those moments of a higher heart rate, heat in the face, and tightness in your throat are all just physical symptoms of emotions that are no longer serving you. Let them run their course without judgment.

After they have passed, remind yourself of the conscious decision you made to forgive. They may come back again sometime, but as you remind yourself of how you are practicing forgiveness each time they arise, they’ll begin to hold less power over you.

Visualize that one day, you’ll be able to think back to that old, offending situation and no longer feel those icky feelings. You won’t even react. Perhaps you may even wish them well, hoping they found the help that they needed and realizing you weren’t the person to fix them.

Focus on the good that will one day come, but don’t repress the bad.

You’ll get there, my friend.