Forgive Yourself and Move Forward
If Kindergarteners can do it, we can too.
He was a little tyke who had barely held a pair of scissors before. I was keeping a close eye on him. I let him independently work until I saw his frustration rear its ugly head. That’s when I briefly swooped in, repeatedly, rearranging his awkward, little fingers as they tried to find a comfortable position.
For him, correctly holding this simple tool was the objective of the hour. It was obvious that his tablemates were demonstrating scissor skills far beyond his abilities. But they had simply had more practice — it was easy to see HE just needed more practice.
It became mental anguish for this little kindergartener. He saw that his skill- set was far below his friends and — he couldn’t STAND it.
I told him, over and over again that he was doing a fine job and to not lose patience with himself. As he grew fractionally more comfortable with scissors, he expected his skill to exponentially increase, equaling the experienced students.
It didn’t, not by a long shot. (It COULDN’T. Not in one sitting, on a first try.)
The freshly cut “triangle” for Santa’s hat was not recognizable.
“But LOOK at you!” I exclaimed, “Your grip is so improved! Your skills will follow. Glue on your Santa’s hat and be proud. You’ve come a long way today.”
But he couldn’t see how far he’d come. He wasn’t where he wanted to be and that was all.
We all tried to ignore the ensuing meltdown that followed.
“I am happy to help you when you settle down,” I encouraged him.
The wailing continued and no more progress was made that day.
He just couldn’t forgive himself of his shortcomings and move on. He couldn’t see that he HAD made progress. He couldn’t understand that by mourning his failures, he wasn’t going to move forward toward success.
Can anyone relate to this? Is there an adult parallel? When we look at children it all appears so clear and concrete. They just need to keep on trying and practicing and giving their weaknesses time to develop.
What if everyone could live this philosophy? What if grownups could quit having invisible meltdowns and just focus on tiny increments of improvement? (Like when the Kindergarten teacher encourages her student’s skill with scissors?)
There is so much wasted time in life! We hear so much about forgiving ourselves and the fact that when we hold onto disappointments it mostly hurts just us.
But when tiny increments are consistently achieved great gains are made.
And children are such an amazing example! They always start with tiny steps forward — PERFECT. Yes, they tend to melt-down when the going gets tough, but it is LOUD AND PROUD and then it’s over. There’s very little “wallowing in failure” going on. They are able to quickly move on.
It’s healthy to express your feelings, as long as nobody gets hurt. Then, put it behind you.
The next Kindergarten project with scissors was certainly met with some skepticism by my little student. We met in the middle between his skepticism and my optimism. He was beginning to trust that I was on his side, and he bravely, deliberately reached for the scissors. I helped him with a slight adjustment of his grip and gave him a thumbs up — with a smile. And he was OFF.
Still not up to par with his fellow tablemates, he was looking to me this time for his encouraging inspiration. I gave him a nod from across the room and a pat on his shoulder as I passed by. He needed practice — and tiny increments of improvement naturally followed. Additionally, he needed to stop comparing himself to his neighbors. And, in true five-year-old fashion, these said neighbors began to imitate my encouraging mannerisms, leading to a spirit of cooperation and good will across the classroom.
I’m not saying there were no more meltdowns. Little tantrums popped up here and there. The difference was that he now had a history of accomplishment aiding him to move forward — even when it was hard.
We all succumb to our human nature, young and old…
None of us can possibly be accomplished at everything there is to be accomplished at.
A baker sees the awkward fumbling of a newbie as they attempt to knead bread with sticky dough up to their elbows…
An accomplished public speaker views the bumbling ramblings of the layman trying to make his point…
A skilled and experienced driver throws around road-rage-type-accusations at the clueless driver he encounters…
If you ever feel smugly confident in yourself, try something outside your comfort zone. It will humble you, helping you to empathize with your fellow creation.
So, let’s take a moment and learn from our tiniest members of society. Let’s acknowledge that new things are hard — but get easier with practice and encouragement from each other. No one is exempt. As fearless and accomplished as some may seem, they too will flounder when stepping outside their areas of expertise.
A challenge to all of us is to occasionally try brand new things. The perspective and humbling insight will benefit your outlook of others when they struggle with life.
So, here’s to trying new things!
And here’s to forgiving ourselves of our shortcomings and acknowledging that we all have them.
Because life is hard but gets easier if we help each other.
Here we grow again!
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