Forget Motivation — If You Want to Build Habits That Stick, Begin by First Changing Your Identity

Transformation begins with who you want to become.

Everyone wants to become better at something.

Today, you build a list of things you will do tomorrow: I will get in shape. I will stop eating processed sugar. I will start writing every day. I will read more. I will start my side hustle project. I will wake up an hour earlier every day.

And then you start working out. You start eating clean. You start writing. You increase the time dedicated to reading. You get started on that side project. You set your alarm an hour earlier.

But the habit doesn’t last very long. Motivation fades away, and so does your willpower to build this habit you truly long to create. So you stop.

A few weeks or months pass by, you feel guilty for giving up, so you try again, and the cycle continues — you try to make a habit stick, you lose motivation, you stop.

No matter how badly you want the change, the habits simply don’t seem to stick. How many times have you fallen victim to this process?

The reason is simple: you’re under the illusion that habits stick by the mere existence of motivation, but in truth, they only stick when you bridge them into your identity and see their practice as an affirmation of who you are.

“Where you are is a result of who you were, but where you go depends entirely on who you choose to be, from this moment on.” — Hal Elrod

These habits need to matter, and they can only matter when you summon them to transform into a fabric of your identity.

So, here’s the first key to making habits stick: stop focusing on building outcome-based habits, and instead focus on building identity-based habits.

The Traditional Way: Focus on The Outcome

We usually begin the process of building a new habit by first focusing on what we want to achieve (the outcome) and then figuring out how (the process).

• I want to lose 100 pounds (outcome), so I will workout every day (process).
• I want to learn the guitar (outcome), so I will start practicing (process).
• I want to publish a book (outcome), so I will start writing on evenings and weekends (process).
• I want to stop smoking (outcome), so I will quit smoking (process).
• I want to wake up earlier (outcome), so I will set my alarm an hour early (process).

That’s the typical outcome-based approach— figure out the “what” and then “how”.

But there’s another, more transformative approach to behavior change: focus on who you want to become, and then figure out the rest.

The Transformative Way: Focus on The Identity

For years, I’ve repeated the same old narrative to myself: tomorrow, I will write. And for years, I didn’t.

I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to build a habit of writing. I journaled regularly, but I simply couldn’t develop a consistent, committed habit of writing publicly.

That was until I began to understand this golden rule of life: behind every system of actions is a system of beliefs.

“It’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying belief that led you to your past behaviour. You have a new goal and a new plan, but you haven’t changed who you are.” — James Clear

I would try to build a habit of writing, but the very act of public writing itself was incongruent with who I was, or how I saw myself to be. And that’s why I couldn’t get a habit of writing to stick — it wasn’t an extension of who I am as a person.

When it comes to leading a healthy lifestyle, I’ve successfully developed the habit of clean eating and regular exercise because I saw myself as an athlete. From the ages of 8 to 17, I would have basketball practice 4–5 times per week. The very act of sport was an extension of who I am. It was an extension of my identity, and the daily practice of the sport reaffirmed it.

As an adult, I left the game behind me but maintained my identity of athleticism. And that’s how I was — and still am — able to sustain my interest and commitment to fitness over the years.

Some days, I have zero motivation for a workout, but I still show up to the gym regardless of how I feel. Some days, I cheat and overindulge in desserts and carbs, but I quickly revert back to clean eating.

Even after picking up a severe injury, I still underwent the process of surgery, physiotherapy and year-long recovery with an unwavering commitment to going back to my active lifestyle. Because it mattered to me. It was who I am.

“True behaviour change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity.” — James Clear

And that same perspective has now been applied to writing. I now see myself as a writer. I’ve incorporated writing into my everyday routine. I’ve committed to writing daily and publishing weekly (and so far, I’m on a streak) because that’s what writers do — we write, we publish — even when we don’t feel inspired to do so.

Writing is an extension of who I am. It’s in my bio description and on my personal website. It’s what I tell people when they ask me what I do: I’m an entrepreneur and a writer; you can find my articles on Medium.

This is how changing your identity first will help you build habits that stick. You have to shed your older self. You have to integrate the element of who you want to become into who you are today.

• The goal is not to lose weight, the goal is to become athletic.
• The goal is not to learn the guitar, the goal is to become a musician.
• The goal is not to publish a book, the goal is to become a writer.
• The goal is not to stop smoking, the goal is to become a non-smoker.
• The goal is not to wake up earlier, the goal is to become a morning person who rises early.

Through the process of becoming, you’re building a new identity that you’re proud of. It’s an identity consciously chosen by you, for you. And when things truly matter to you, you’ll be truly committed to making them happen.

“The more pride you have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated you will be to maintain the habits associated with it.” — James Clear

Motivation will cease to be the driving force to habit-building — it will move into a secondary role and act as a booster when called upon. Your motivation will no longer stem from the need to act for the sake of acting, it will stem from the need to act for the sake of becoming.

That’s how habits stick.

The Two Questions That Will Get You There

So, how do we begin this process of transformation? Here are two questions you should ask yourself before you start setting goals for the habits you want to build.

1. Who do I want to be?

First, decide who do you want to be. This question focuses on identity.

Who do you wish to become?

If you’re having trouble answering that question, then approach it from the aspect of what kind of results do you want to achieve? And then ask yourself, who is the kind of person that would achieve such results?

If you want to publish articles or write a book (results), then you want to become a writer (identity). If you want to run a marathon (results), then you want to become a runner (identity). If you want to lose weight (results), then you want to become athletic (identity). If you want to build social projects that have the potential to positively impact people’s lives (results), then you want to become a social entrepreneur (identity).

2. What system of habits does that person have in place? The second question focuses on the process.

Now that you know who you want to become, you need to develop a system that would allow you to become that person — you do that by adopting the characteristics of that person.

A writer writes, so now you need to adopt the characteristic of writing into your daily schedule. A runner runs, so now you need to incorporate a running program into your weekly schedule. An active athletic person trains, so now you need to add physical training to your daily routine. A social entrepreneur networks and builds projects, so now you want to carve out an hour a day to network, research, test and build your social initiative.

And you need to show up to those commitments. Not only because you have to do so, but because you truly deeply want to. Because the very act of showing up every day — the process of becoming — over a prolonged period of time is what accumulates into making a habit stick.

And this very habit matters to you because it reaffirms who you are.

• You begin the process of becoming a writer by writing a new page every day.
• You begin the process of becoming a runner by running at least 1K per day.
• You begin the process of becoming an athletic person by exercising thirty minutes per day.

A writer writers. A runner runs.

In time, you will transform and become your habits, but for now, simply begin the process of becoming.

“Habits are not about having something, they are about becoming someone. Ultimately, your habits matter because they help you become the type of person you wish to be. They are the channel through which you develop your deepest beliefs about yourself. Quite literally, you become your habits.” — James Clear