Forged in Fire vs Life of Luxury
Momma in Her Midlife Talks About How Different Personalities Are Formed
We all have scars. Sometimes they are emotional, sometimes they are physical, but we all have them. To me my scars are beautiful, but to society, they are often a flaw that makes me unattractive. I read a lot of articles about how 80% of women only go for 20% of men and vice versa, which is a shame. Society has dictated that only socially acceptable beauty standards matter, but why? In my last article, I said.
“Some people can find beauty in a great personality, but it’s rare. Some people have a beautiful body and personality, but again it’s rare. But when… Some people don’t care about personality and only want a beautiful body, it’s all too common and not an indicator of finding love.
I stand by it. I’ve noticed that those who are beautiful according to society often have a crappy personality. It’s the same way with people who’ve always had money. Don’t get me wrong. I know there are pretty and wealthy people who have great personalities, and “ugly” or poor people can have crappy personalities, but they are rare. They’re also not my focus. My focus is on how different personalities are formed and why they are so different.
When I talk about people who have scars, I’m referencing those who have gone through hardships and come out the other side. They’ve gone through the fire and forged into a different person. Hardships come in many forms and each of them changes a person in different ways.
Financial: Not having money is one of the hardest things to go through. Our world revolves around money. Everything from shelter, food, health, water even… comes at a cost. When you can’t afford basic needs and can’t provide for your family, it can lead to all kinds of issues. You can’t afford to pay for high-quality food, so you may suffer from weight gain or loss. You have creditors on your back which causes high levels of stress and anxiety. You may not be able to afford to go out, which leads to social isolation.
Trauma: There are many kinds of trauma, but all lead to physical and psychological problems. Survivors of abuse often experience depression, anxiety, PTSD, which all in turn take a toll on the body. You may have had an abusive family or relationship which leaves you with distrust and anger. You may have grown up neglected which leaves you isolated and depressed. You may have been sexually assaulted which can leave you with a lot of cynicism and fear.
Grief: Losing someone you love is heartbreaking. The pain you feel emotionally often becomes physical. Heartbreak is a recognized way to die. The loss becomes so great that the stress on the heart causes stroke, heart attacks, or death. A family member may have passed away and you stop taking care of yourself. You may have gone through a divorce and are now cynical about love in general.
Health: Whether you’ve had cancer, been in a debilitating accident, or have a chronic disease, they all leave both emotional and physical scars. When faced with pain and fear we change mentally. The toll it takes to endure treatment, deal with symptoms, and see the people around you suffer because of your illness, is heavy. You may be left with large physical scars, immunity issues, and feel isolated.
Addiction: Usually, addiction is a symptom of another hardship. People want to lose themselves and escape for a while. Unfortunately, it’s easier sometimes to escape than face your hardships. Addiction can make you feel hopeless, it can age you prematurely, and cause serious physical harm.
Hardships are never easy to get through, and some people never get to the other side. You may not fit the standards of beauty that society sees, but your inner self shines through. Positive personality traits that come from hardships vary, but here are five big ones.
Empathy: We tend to have empathy for those who’ve suffered. We may even be sympathetic to the not-so-nice people because we know they’ve never faced the same kind of challenges we have. Empathy and compassion are essential to a great personality.
Confidence: After going through adversities, we may come out the other side self-assured. We’ve faced serious challenges alone with only ourselves to rely on. We become stronger and more confident.
Resilience: Any hardship will make you a stronger person. The mental fortitude it takes to fight through difficult times stays with you. We learn to adapt and handle any future problems.
Humility: We know what it’s like to be at the lowest point in our lives. It isn’t pretty. We may have fought through it, but the scars it leaves behind make us aware of how life isn’t always fair. We tend to face the world with sincerity and as our authentic selves.
Appreciation: We know how anything can be taken away, so we learn to appreciate what we have. We place more importance on family and friends. We value our bodies and minds more because we know how vital they are.
If hardships create great personalities, what creates crappy ones? Although most of us face adversity at some point in our lives, many people just don’t. When someone’s given something easily, they never need to face themselves. They never look inward. You can’t have personal growth without conflict. When you never face hardships, you may develop some not-so-great personality traits like:
Entitlement: When everything they want is given to them without struggle, they may feel like they are entitled to it. However, when faced with disappointment and frustration, they may have a really hard time dealing with it.
Lack of Empathy: When they can’t understand hardship, they won’t empathize with someone who’s gone through it. They’re not able to understand or have compassion for someone who’s struggling. They may feel isolated and lose friendships because they can’t empathize.
Sheltered: When their world is all sunshine and roses, they may think that that’s how it always is for everyone. They may never see the darker side of life. Maybe they never want to see it because when they do it’s too hard to deal with.
No Resilience: When they never have to work for anything, they never experience challenges to overcome. They may not have problem-solving skills or be able to handle adversity.
Arrogance: When they’ve always had it easy and been told how amazing they are, they never develop a sense of humility. They believe people are beneath them. They buy into the stereotypes and at times are vicious to those they don’t believe are equals.
We need to remember that beauty isn’t decided by a society that has filters and masks to deceive us. Beauty also isn’t defined by what people have or look like. True beauty comes from a much deeper place. When we have empathy, confidence, resilience, humility, and appreciation we are beautiful. When we’ve gone through the hardest situations and come out as a better person, we are beautiful. All scars inside and out are beautiful. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than the beautiful person you are.