Forbidden Love

Meet me in Room 115

When love lasts for years then you know.

When you yearn for him at a distance, then surely, you know.

He is married and so am I.

It’s forbidden.

He gave me a message to meet him in his hotel room on the tenth floor at 1.10 am. Late enough for everyone to be asleep. Late enough to move through the halls unnoticed.

I was in a room with two work colleagues and they weren’t showing signs of going to bed any time soon. They wanted to party.

My closest friend, Genie, was unsure, wondering why I behaved in such a nervous manner.

She picked up on it, but in her style, her cares would be thrown to the wind.

I wasn’t sure what to wear.

I had a few drinks to calm my nerves, but not too much, I didn’t want to fall asleep in my room and wake puffy-eyed. Not to see him. I had to look my best.

Why did he have a room here?

Did he know I was going on this work trip, had I told him?

While we prepared for our conference earlier that day, he found me as I was walking in. My heart skipped as I stopped to greet him; my eyes widened. I looked down, I didn’t want him to see my eyes dilate as I looked into the blue of his.

He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and as he stepped back he took my hand and gave me the note.

It was a secret, I could see from the look in his eyes. After he said goodbye I ducked into the bathroom to read it before the seminar.

Meet me in my room tonight, 1.10 am.

Room 115

The time was so specific. I couldn’t focus during the seminar, or during lunch, the afternoon or dinner.

I couldn’t eat. Besides, I didn’t want to be bloated for tonight.

My colleagues wanted to go out to a club. The conference had finished for the week and it was Friday night. I declined, I couldn’t do it.

I chose instead to remain in the room. I sat on the balcony and smoked an old cigarette from the ashtray. It had been Genie’s. I didn’t normally smoke.

I smoked it slowly while the dark figure of a man watched me from the opposite balcony. My dark figure looked back at him, two lonely souls lit up only by the orange light of our burning cigarettes.

I went back inside.

They returned home 3 hours later, it was 12.05 am.

I went into the bathroom to freshen up while they continued to drink and laugh. People were coming back into the hotel and I could hear rowdy groups in the hallway. People falling over each other and laughing.

I changed into something a little more ‘girl next door’, and coupled it with lace underwear. I wasn’t sure what I was walking into. I had been the girl next door, for years. What would I be tonight?

We had both been untouchable. But now, given the circumstances, the tension, the not knowing, it had all boiled over, it had come to this point.

It was something I had dreamed of. Little did I know it would come tonight.

It was the perfect night, away from family, away from spouses and children, the opportunity for it to all unfold.

Had he planned it this way?

It was perfect.

I left my room silently at 1.05 am. My colleagues continued to drink on the balcony.

The rowdy people in the hallway didn’t cease, they continued to fall over each other like a torrent blocking my way.

I stepped over them, were they mad? Had the alcohol sent them wild?

I was silent. What was I walking towards?

My doom. My unravelling. The end of my family, the end of my relationship of 10 years.

I was doing this all wrong. And I knew it.

I stepped into the lift and went up to level 10.

I stepped out into the hallway and it was dark, quiet. His door was at the end, room 115.

As I walked towards the door it all melted away but the nerves rose. Higher and higher to my throat. My breathing became shallow. I wasn’t emptying my lungs, I just kept refilling them. Maybe I was holding my breath — I can’t be sure.

I knock on the door and he opens it a few moments later.

He smiles at me.

Without a word, I walk in. I continue to look him in the eye, I can’t look away now. The blue has me locked in.

I finally break my gaze and place my key down on the table gently.

I don’t know what to say to him.

Being here says it all.

He knows that I come from a home where my partner is unloving and emotionless and holds access to the children over my head if I leave. I’ve been working hard to build the funds to move away and find my feet. This trip was a rare week away.

I don’t like playing the victim; I would pull through it and move on. Should I be deceiving him and moving on this soon though?

This man, he comes from a happy stable home, his wife looks after the children all day and she is beautiful. This is why I have never approached him in the past. I thought he was happy.

But, I had seen the way he looked at me. Gave me his attention, assistance, a conversation with heart and those eyes. This had caught me. He wasn’t a cheater; I knew that he didn’t chase women, or flirt with them. He was an upstanding guy.

Tonight though…

He stood close behind me, I could feel his warmth and breath. His perfume mixed with the whisky on his breath.

He moved my hair from my face and held my neck. He had never touched me this way before. It was foreign but welcome. I had shivers stream down my spine and arms. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered wildly.

I turned to face him.

The glacier blue eyes caught my breath. “We shouldn’t do this,” I said; my voice shaking. It was strange being this close to him. At school, we were always a metre or two from each other. Gazing across the open space.

“I needed to know how you felt. So I followed you here.” He said.

“How long have you felt this way?” I searched his eyes.

“When I first saw you at the birthday party.”

I was confused. “The birthday party? Which one?”

Then it dawned on me. His daughter's party 6 years ago.

I smiled. “Yes, it was the first time we were in the same room. You were drinking with friends.” I remember, we had locked eyes a few times. Back then I thought nothing of it. My heart always falls for another heart, not just looks.

I took his hand and looked up at him.

I felt comfortable with him. Like he was my perfect match, my soulmate. We had formed a bond beyond lust. It wasn’t lust for me. It was a friendship. I had grappled with this for such a long time. Was I attracted to his kindness, his friendship? Perhaps the thing missing in my current relationship.

Then I thought Does he want this?

He held my cheek, and slowly nodded, answering my thoughts.

He leaned towards me and slowly his lips met mine, it was perfect, soft.

Then it became a harder passionate kiss. The lust, built up over so many years burst out of me. I pulled him tighter; I was desperate for him.

I had dreamt of this moment so many times.

We made love, then lustful love, followed by love again.

As the dawn came, we had to part ways.

What now?

We agreed to return to normal life, and never do this again. Not until we had both left our spouses. This was one night of passion that could not be revisited until we had organised our lives.

As I returned to my floor the hallway was empty, the demons had left. They were asleep in their beds.

The following week I saw him again at school. We stood 1–2 metres apart, gazing across the expanse, unable to touch.

Our fellow parents and friends stood around too, unaware of the night we had shared. The children ran out of the school and into waiting arms of parents. It was time to leave. We looked at each other as if to say, ‘Until tomorrow, Love’.

I wondered how many years it would be until we shared a kiss again.