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Abstract

angry or frustrated with something the other parent has done or said, you have only 2 winning choices:</li></ul><ol><li>The one word response of “bummer.”</li><li>“Your [other parent] loves you.” Then validate what they’re feeling.</li></ol><ul><li>If the other parent is in any way unhealthy, your job is to let your kids figure it out for themselves. And they will.</li><li>Spend as much time with them as you can. This investment will pay off over time.</li><li>Create a life of your own so compelling that your kids will be drawn to you.</li><li>Listen to the little things when they are little so they will come to you with the big things when it counts.</li><li>Do these things and it’s very likely they will figure it out and head your way when they are able.</li></ul><p id="3a8d" type="7">Create a life of your own so compelling that your kids will be drawn to you</p><p id="026b">It’s hard to not do the don’ts. Sometimes it’s hard to do the do’s. But it’s all worth it.</p><p id="aa07"><b>Here’s what I have come to believe:</b></p><p id="779a">When you do these hard things for the sake of your kids, God rewards you.</p><p id="f6dd">One afternoon I was stomping around my home office in response to yet another unreasonable email from the boy’s mom.</p><p id="84d6">In the middle of stomping around, a voice stopped me in my tracks. It was not an audible voice. It was a clear voice inside my head with a new thought that I assure you was not mine:</p><p id="99e8" type="7">“Don’t you get it yet Jeff? Every unreasonable thing she throws at you I turn into something good for you and the boys.”</p><p id="cdc7">Oh! So instead of getting pissed off when an unreasonable thing was thrown my way, it became:</p><p id="fbf3" type="7">“Okay, God. I can’t wait to see what you do with this!!”</p><p id="4653">The boys are no longer boys. They are young men of 27 and 20. One is married and works in IT for North Point M

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inistries. One is in college and spending the summer working at Woodlands Camp.</p><p id="7ec1">I get the pleasure of seeing them shine. Every day someone somewhere is telling me a great thing about one of them.</p><p id="1bea">And oh yeah. The oldest and his wife have had a strange side effect to COVID. My first grandson.</p><p id="2795">I know it’s hard Dad. I also know it is so worth it…</p><p id="5fc7">You got this.</p><figure id="0f4b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*w_LWc68GLM8mSJtZ"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@jule_42?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Juliane Liebermann</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="1857"><b>About Jeff Herring</b></p><div id="a3b2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-traded-my-couch-for-a-mouse-10845d479497"> <div> <div> <h2>“I Traded My Couch for a Mouse”</h2> <div><h3>How a Counseling Psychologist Became One of the Good Guys Online</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6NEVS18q0RgtrXa6Q80RsQ.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="e4d9">Thank you for <a href="https://jeffherring.medium.com/subscribe">subscribing to my content</a>. I share content about content marketing, creating the life you want if you only knew how, and creating your dream practice if you only knew how!</p><p id="8bee">If you are new to Medium you can <a href="https://jeffherring.medium.com/membership">join by following this link</a>. A small part of your membership fee will support my content and the many great experts on this platform.</p></article></body>

For the Man Who Doesn’t See His Kids Every Day

And it’s not by your choice…

This one is for the man who doesn’t get to see his kids every day. And it’s not by your choice.

Anything I share with you here comes from deep in the trenches of having lived it.

The mother of my sons and I separated in early ’04 and divorced in late ’05. And then came the shocker: she moved with them from Tallahassee, Florida to Atlanta, Georgia. The boys were 11 and 3.

I spent all of ’06 driving back and forth between Tallahassee and Atlanta each week. Sunday night through Wednesday night in Tallahassee seeing a week’s worth of private practice clients in 3 days. Wednesday night through Sunday night in Atlanta seeing my sons and getting a new business started there.

Some of the Do’s and Don’t I’m about to share are easy to do. Some are very difficult to do. Every single one of them is worth it.

Don’t

No matter how tempting: NO Other Parent Bashing. Period. No matter how tempting. No matter how much you think it would help your kids to really know the truth.
Never vent to your kids. Vent to someone else. Out of earshot of the kids.
When your kids come to you complaining about the other parent, don’t join in. Read on to find out what to do instead.

Never vent to your kids. Vent to someone else. Out of earshot of the kids.

When your kid comes to you angry or frustrated with something the other parent has done or said, you have only 2 winning choices:

The one word response of “bummer.”
“Your [other parent] loves you.” Then validate what they’re feeling.

If the other parent is in any way unhealthy, your job is to let your kids figure it out for themselves. And they will.
Spend as much time with them as you can. This investment will pay off over time.
Create a life of your own so compelling that your kids will be drawn to you.
Listen to the little things when they are little so they will come to you with the big things when it counts.
Do these things and it’s very likely they will figure it out and head your way when they are able.

Create a life of your own so compelling that your kids will be drawn to you

It’s hard to not do the don’ts. Sometimes it’s hard to do the do’s. But it’s all worth it.

Here’s what I have come to believe:

When you do these hard things for the sake of your kids, God rewards you.

One afternoon I was stomping around my home office in response to yet another unreasonable email from the boy’s mom.

In the middle of stomping around, a voice stopped me in my tracks. It was not an audible voice. It was a clear voice inside my head with a new thought that I assure you was not mine:

“Don’t you get it yet Jeff? Every unreasonable thing she throws at you I turn into something good for you and the boys.”

Oh! So instead of getting pissed off when an unreasonable thing was thrown my way, it became:

“Okay, God. I can’t wait to see what you do with this!!”

The boys are no longer boys. They are young men of 27 and 20. One is married and works in IT for North Point Ministries. One is in college and spending the summer working at Woodlands Camp.

I get the pleasure of seeing them shine. Every day someone somewhere is telling me a great thing about one of them.

And oh yeah. The oldest and his wife have had a strange side effect to COVID. My first grandson.

I know it’s hard Dad. I also know it is so worth it…

You got this.

About Jeff Herring

“I Traded My Couch for a Mouse”

How a Counseling Psychologist Became One of the Good Guys Online

medium.com

Thank you for subscribing to my content. I share content about content marketing, creating the life you want if you only knew how, and creating your dream practice if you only knew how!

If you are new to Medium you can join by following this link. A small part of your membership fee will support my content and the many great experts on this platform.