For the Dying

Summary

The web content reflects on the ephemeral nature of life and the true value of human connection, particularly as perceived by those nearing the end of their lives.

Abstract

The article "For the Dying" delves into the existential shift that occurs when individuals confront their mortality. It posits that material wealth and achievements lose their significance, and the essence of life becomes paramount. The author describes the dying process as a transition where the only luxury that matters is the comfort provided by the presence of loving individuals. This comfort transcends physical warmth, mirroring the profound connection felt when genuine understanding and mutual respect are shared. The piece also touches on the author's personal experience with a spirited octogenarian, emphasizing the importance of emotional connections and the shared human experience. The author's reflections on their time in hospice care serve as a reminder of life's fragility and the cathartic nature of understanding what truly matters.

Opinions

The author believes that for the dying, the only true luxury is not material wealth but the presence of caring, loving individuals who provide comfort and warmth.
The article suggests that the fear of death is accompanied by a desire to cling to consciousness and a sense of self, which is akin to waking up from a dream without recalling it.
The author values the emotional connections and moments of vulnerability where guards are let down, allowing for a meaningful exchange between kindred spirits.
There is an acknowledgment that spending time with the dying is both emotionally draining and enriching, recognizing the simultaneous validity and futility of fears about death.
The author expresses gratitude for the perspective gained from interactions with the dying, which helps to contextualize the stresses of their own life, such as the challenges of graduate school.
The piece conveys a deep appreciation for the InkMend team and specific individuals who have provided emotional support and a sense of safety, highlighting the importance of these connections in life's journey.

For the Dying

For the dying luxury is nothing. The titles, achievements, possessions, all turn to nothing, and the only valuable possession is life itself. And the daunting realization that life doesn’t belong to us, that if anything, we belong to life. The fear of the uncertainty, the desire to grab consciousness, the fear to slip into a perpetual dream in which as we wake up in a strange bed, in a strange body, by a strange neighbor, we don’t remember what the dream was about. For the dying, the only luxury is the comfort of a body that stops feeling pain, the warmth of the presence of a caring soul, a loving spirit. A warmth that is unrelated to the heat that a body can generate by its physical properties. It is the warmth we have felt, sporadically when we have been in the loved, when someone looked at us, and we locked our eyes in admiration and complicity, of knowing we are sharing something special for a moment, the moment in which our guard is let down, without fear, inviting the invasion of a kindred soul. An invader that is not invading to plunder but to build.

For the dying, the only luxury is to have a pair of arms providing comfort, as it is for the newborn who leaves the comfort of the womb, as it is for the soul of the dying body that departs to a place unknown.

I generally don’t recycle my writing. My relationship with writing is one in such I seldom revisit what I write once is published or presented. I wrote this piece on prose form as an assignment for school after a hospice rotation while attending Nurse Practitioner school, and one of my professors was kind enough as to rescue it from the on-line platform the University uses which burns everything to bits and pieces of byte after the semester ends. I will not deny, I felt honored she did this. To spend significant time with the dying is a taxing and rewarding experience. All fears are justified and useless at once because we have no choice but to follow the stream where life directs us. I remember with special candor an octogenarian lady with such a youthful spirit. There was no question she was going to pass soon, within weeks or months. Nevertheless, I remember as I was leaving her home, I saw pictures of her while camping many years past. However, I could have sworn that she just went camping the day before, her spirit was in such an intact state. She was a flirt. I would swear we were in our own little bubble while the interview turned into a conversation about her goals, desires, and fears, while across the room my instructor talked to her daughter about the kind of drugs we will have available to ease her pain. Because pain would come. But, me and her, we were in our own world. Or I should say, I was in her world, where she invited me. Per her request we were not to use the word death, and we never did. And this was understandable since her soul was so full of life.

I choose to publish this now in InkMend because I feel that the realization of what life is, and what is important in life, is cathartic. As I struggle to finish school, is easy for me to dramatize the imaginary negative outcomes and despair I often feel I swim into. Even though I believe it is possible I’m not alone in the level of anxiety that graduate school produces on people, sometimes it feels excessive and hard to justify. This piece helps me to put things in perspective. Not necessarily because at the end the true emotional connections we have, are what matters, but because during the times in which for most of us, death seems far away, our emotional connections, those places where we feel safe, are what matter. And for that, I want to thank Daphelba, Leah J.🕊 and the InkMend team.

Thank you for reading.