Are Yes and No the most dangerous words
For Once in Your Life, Will You Have The Courage To Say No?
Try it and see what happens
Have you ever wondered which word in the English vocabulary is the most complex and difficult? I’ll admit that I’ve never given it much thought until Larry mentioned it one evening.
He’s been married a long time. They’ve had their rough patches, but neither Larry nor Susan, his wife, has said anything — leastways, until the other night.
Larry and I had been talking about the English language and how difficult it had to be for non-English-speaking immigrants. “There are so many words that, while sounding similar, are dangerous because they have completely different meanings,” I suggested.
Larry, a teacher, said, “A word I’ve frequently seen misused is the word there. You wouldn’t believe the number of times that I have seen their used, and sometimes even they’re.”
“How about buy, bye, bi and by,” I didn’t want to be left out.
After a few more minutes of this light-hearted verbal jousting, there was a pause, and then Larry said, “If you ask me, I’d say that the words yes and no would have to be up there if we were talking about levels of difficulty — or danger.
“Because people sometimes use no instead of know?” I couldn’t immediately think of any other way to use yes.
“Not really. What I’m talking about is the context of the moment.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
“Take the other evening,” he said. Susan and I were getting ready to go out to her company’s annual dinner, and out of the blue, she asked me, “Does this dress make me look fat, Larry?” I don’t think that I hesitated overly long before answering. “No — Why do you ask?”
She wasn’t looking at me when she answered. “No real reason.”
I was about to search for my car keys when she asked, “Do you think that I should have gone for a larger size?”
Downing the rest of his beer, Larry refilled his glass before speaking. I heard the desperation in his voice when he said, “I knew I was in trouble. How the hell could I answer a question like that? I think I stammered a bit before saying, “Why do you say that?”
Poor old Larry. If anybody’s guaranteed to put their foot in it, it’ll be him.
She answered, “No particular reason. I’m always open to a bit of healthy criticism — I won’t bite your head off. Then, she tossed the grenade by asking him, “Have I put on any weight?”
I watched the poor guy as he relived the terror of that moment when he didn’t pause long enough before pulling the pin. “You could go up a size.”
“Hell, Val. I knew it was a trap. How could it not be? Why the fuck did I have to one moment tell her no, she’d not put on weight and then cap it all by saying that it wouldn’t hurt for her to go up a size?”
“You’re a fool, Larry.” I agreed. “How the hell could you not know that you were walking into her trap? She’s got you by the balls now, mate.” I heard his high-pitched mew — perhaps the balls had already parted company.
“I thought she was going to cry and felt terrible.”
“Naturally. But Susan did bring it on herself,” I reassured him from my standpoint as an impartial observer.
“So, you’re saying I’m fat?” She said.
“She knows I’m piss weak and likely to break under pressure — I panicked. “No — I definitely wasn’t telling you that,” I pleaded. “I’d swear you’re still the same size as you were the day we married.”
I resisted the temptation to hurl the accusation, ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire.’ It seemed highly suitable. “So, what happened? I can see that you’re obviously still alive and breathing.”
“Well — Susan wouldn’t let it go. She went on and on about it.”
“You must be lying. Didn’t you, minutes ago, tell me that I need the larger size? That wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t getting fat and repulsive.”
“No — that’s not what I meant.” I nearly got down on my knees, but I decided that doing it would make me look too weak and pathetic. I kept pleading with her to believe me — but it was no good.”
“Alright then — exactly what did you mean, Larry?”
The poor guy was as good as dead. He couldn’t win.
“I was cornered, and Susan wasn’t forgiving.” Telling me this, Larry sounded defeated. But, she’d not finished with him.
“Go on — exactly what are you trying to tell me — that I’ve put on weight, my tits are sagging, and you’ve not got the balls to tell me?”
“No.”
“You mean no, I haven’t put on weight, or no, you’ve not got the balls to come out with it? Have you had a look at yourself in the mirror lately?” She said.
“That really hurt Val. She was telling me I’m overweight like her. I haven’t got fat, have I, mate? You can tell me — I can take the truth.”
“No, Larry, you’re not too overweight.” I could see from his glazed eyeballs that he’d picked up on my mistake.
“So, you’re saying I am, Val?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Perhaps you didn’t say it, but I could tell you meant it.”
I hesitated, and by doing that, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. Where there’s vanity or self-image involved, the words yes and no are, without a doubt, the most dangerous words in the English language. I mean, take Larry and Susan. Their reckless misuse of those words has almost wrecked their once-perfect marriage.
The best course of action, when an answer of yes or no is required, is to plead a severe case of laryngitis. Silence is safe, and if they decide the answer is crucial enough for you to write a yes or no, break the fingers on the hand you write with.
Yes and no are not words to be trifled with. Treat them with respect because they are, without a doubt, the most dangerous words in the English language, and you’d do well to respect them.
