For My Grandmother, Lillian Cohen

Summary

The author reflects on personal struggles and growth following the loss of their grandmother, Lillian Cohen, expressing feelings of failure and progress while acknowledging her unwavering support and love.

Abstract

In a heartfelt tribute to Lillian Cohen, the author grapples with a sense of failure despite having been given a second chance at life. They describe their life as a series of shoeboxes, symbolizing a cycle of falling apart and slowly rebuilding. Despite feeling trapped and recognizing their grandmother's desire for more, the author acknowledges personal transformation and the ongoing journey towards a fulfilling life. The piece is a poignant expression of missing a loved one, the pain of perceived disappointment, and the gratitude for the belief and love that continues to be felt from above.

Opinions

The author feels a profound sense of failure and disappointment, particularly in relation to their grandmother's expectations.
There is a recognition of personal growth, with the author noting they are no longer the person they once were.
The author experiences a recurring pattern of struggle, suggesting a sense of being stuck in a cycle of setbacks and recovery.
Despite challenges, the author is making an effort to live up to their grandmother's belief in them, though they sometimes feel like a fraud.
The author is appreciative of their grandmother's unconditional love and support, both during her life and in her continued presence from above.

I will always love you, and I miss you every day.

Lillian Cohen (May She Rest in Peace)

I feel like a failure. I know that’s not what you wanted, but I still feel like I failed. I was given a second chance, and I took it. I changed my life, and I fell apart. I always seem to be falling apart, and it takes a long time to pull myself together again. I’m always stuck, drifting in and out of cardboard boxes, not literally. My life is a shoebox. Even now, I feel trapped and wonder about my life, and I know that you wanted so much more for me.

At least, I can say that I have come a long way from the person that I was then. I don’t even recognize her. I still have further to go, but I’m residing in another shoebox consisting of home and work. I have no life. I still feel like I am hitting a wall. I feel like I disappointed you, and you were the only one that knew my pain.

I know that you are watching me from above, and I would like to say that I am trying. Maybe, some days, I am, but there are other days, where I feel like a fraud. I just want to hide away, but I know that’s not who I am. That’s not who you wanted me to be, so I will try and find my way.

Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Thank you for all the love that you have given me then and now from above.

I will always love you, and I miss you every day.

For My Grandmother, Lillian Cohen

I will always love you, and I miss you every day.

Mr. Rogers Zen

A moment of zen for the weary, and writing prompts!