For Men: Blowjob Etiquette

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e front door. Make an excuse, swing by the bathroom, and wash that funk off with soap. This also applies to your balls. This will benefit the BJ giver’s mouth and nose.</li><li>Scissors and razors are your friends. Not sure why men expect women to be bald as a sphinx while they remain a forest down south. Getting hair in your mouth when doing the deed is annoying and potentially causes the giver to stop so they can take the hair out. There is nothing sexy about a blow job provider gagging on pubic hair like a cat choking up a hairball.</li><li>Do not at any time put the palm of your hand on top of someone’s head and push them downwards. You would be surprised how many callous men do this. You’ll get a BJ when you ask nicely or I decide to give it. Not when you act like an ape and shove my head from your face to your groin.</li><li>Be wary of face thrusting. If it’s the first time receiving from this person, do not start moving your hips like you’re fucking their face. Sure that might be hot down the road when you two are more familiar with each other’s bodies, but you don’t know this person’s gag reflex. This high-risk move can result in digested spaghetti on you and your carpet, which is downright horrifying; it’s almost impossible

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to remove tomato sauce from the carpet.</li><li>Give a heads up that you’re going to finish. If you shoot your load without any warning, you’re going to have a bad time. If they’re unprepared they may end up choking (that ain’t sexy) and it doesn’t give them enough time to swallow any spit buildup so they can receive a load of liquid all up in there.</li><li>If you finish inside their mouth, don’t be picky about whether they spit or swallow. Sometimes the buildup of spit inside the mouth combined with the cum makes it too hard to swallow it all. As they say in kindergarten: you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.</li><li>Don’t even think about pulling out and unloading on their face without permission. Do you know how awful it is to get semen in your contact lenses? It’s bad enough getting it in your hair like a glue gun exploded on your scalp but your eyeballs are a whole other level of discomfort.</li><li>Don’t be an asshole. If they want to kiss you after, you fucking kiss them after. Unless you don’t want to continue receiving blowjobs.</li></ol>Hopefully, this list will improve your blowjob experience, whether you’re the giver or the receiver. Now go have some fun, you crazy kids!</article></body>

Advice for a man to receive head like a gentleman, not a dick.

Google “how to give a blowjob”. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

I received 1,970,000 results. Thanks, Internet! Blowjob givers of the world have plenty of resources at their fingertips (pun intended, unless you don’t know that you should include your hands during blowjobs).

What about the recipients of blowjobs? Don’t they need some lessons on how to graciously accept this wonderful act without being a dick (again, pun intended)?

Don’t worry. I’m here to offer a helping hand (the puns keep coming like a money shot). Nonchalantly send this link to your man and hope he’s not so obtuse that he won’t get the hint.

Clean that man meat. I don’t care if you arrived from battle and you just walked through the front door. Make an excuse, swing by the bathroom, and wash that funk off with soap. This also applies to your balls. This will benefit the BJ giver’s mouth and nose.

Scissors and razors are your friends. Not sure why men expect women to be bald as a sphinx while they remain a forest down south. Getting hair in your mouth when doing the deed is annoying and potentially causes the giver to stop so they can take the hair out. There is nothing sexy about a blow job provider gagging on pubic hair like a cat choking up a hairball.

Do not at any time put the palm of your hand on top of someone’s head and push them downwards. You would be surprised how many callous men do this. You’ll get a BJ when you ask nicely or I decide to give it. Not when you act like an ape and shove my head from your face to your groin.

Be wary of face thrusting. If it’s the first time receiving from this person, do not start moving your hips like you’re fucking their face. Sure that might be hot down the road when you two are more familiar with each other’s bodies, but you don’t know this person’s gag reflex. This high-risk move can result in digested spaghetti on you and your carpet, which is downright horrifying; it’s almost impossible to remove tomato sauce from the carpet.

Give a heads up that you’re going to finish. If you shoot your load without any warning, you’re going to have a bad time. If they’re unprepared they may end up choking (that ain’t sexy) and it doesn’t give them enough time to swallow any spit buildup so they can receive a load of liquid all up in there.

If you finish inside their mouth, don’t be picky about whether they spit or swallow. Sometimes the buildup of spit inside the mouth combined with the cum makes it too hard to swallow it all. As they say in kindergarten: you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.

Don’t even think about pulling out and unloading on their face without permission. Do you know how awful it is to get semen in your contact lenses? It’s bad enough getting it in your hair like a glue gun exploded on your scalp but your eyeballs are a whole other level of discomfort.

Don’t be an asshole. If they want to kiss you after, you fucking kiss them after. Unless you don’t want to continue receiving blowjobs.

Hopefully, this list will improve your blowjob experience, whether you’re the giver or the receiver. Now go have some fun, you crazy kids!