For Lent, I’m giving up judging other people
What happens when grace becomes a habit, and how hard it is to implement in my life…
In his most simple but arguably most poignant book, The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis delivers a masterful point of view of a demon, trying to guide his nephew in the ways of Hell and human persuasion.
Read my update on this challenge: 6 magical things that happened when I quit judging other people
In discussing the common way that humans practice Christianity without ever putting the habits of Christ into practice, he says the following:
“Make his mind flit to and fro between an expression like ‘the body of Christ’ and the actual faces in the next pew.”
“The actual faces in the next pew” is a haunting line to me.
It begs of me, how many times have I left a church service, inspired, motivated, and feeling holy, only to tell someone off and to act remarkably un-Christlike to the people around me?
My boyfriend and I were talking the other day, and he kindly but bluntly pointed out to me that I’m a very judgmental person and that it’s probably something that I need to work on.
He wasn’t wrong.
In fact, right after this point, I picked up the devotional that we were reading, skimmed the paragraph and read the first line, and immediately prophesied that it would be no good.
I said that, only to read it aloud to him and become pleasantly surprised halfway through. It was more convicting than I thought it was going to be.
And he totally called me on my judgment.
This isn’t a new thing to me.
I’ve known I have this problem for a while. Maybe it’s the Enneagram 1 in me, or the anxiety talking, or a little bit of both.
If I’m getting really psychoanalytic on myself, it’s the way I hold people at a distance — making sure it’s known that I don’t like someone before they have a chance to like me.
It’s my way of living “holier than thou”, and walking through life unscathed by the criticism I so desperately fear.
When Lent rolled around on Wednesday, I had an idea, based on that conversation where I had been necessarily called out. What if I stopped judging other people? Could I do it for forty days?
More importantly, what would it take? How would I change?
How would the world around me change as I attempted to practice habits of grace and understanding?
My word for the year is Mercy, which ties in perfectly with the new direction of my conviction.
“compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.”
It’s stepping down from the judge’s bench, and standing with someone — vowing to defend the people I so desperately want to condemn and distance myself from.
And I can’t think of anything more Christlike.
So far, it’s been unbelievably difficult.
I’ve lived my entire life with my judgment unchecked. Sure, I’ve been told to be kind, and to be nice, and to be more understanding.
But no one’s ever really challenged me to quit judgment. It’s so ingrained in my life and the world around me. It’s easy and oftentimes expected in certain arenas.
There are so many things that I could have given up for Lent. I could have done a food fast, a coffee fast, a social media, or anything of the sort, both for spiritual and mental/emotional reasons.
But I realized, in this challenge, that I wanted to do something that had no explanation out of the self-help world. Being a less judgmental person does not make me more productive.
It doesn’t save me time (honestly, it takes up more time.)
It doesn’t help me in any earthly way in the short term. But it’s changing the shape, nature, and orientation of my soul.
I’m learning, through ant-sized steps, how to love as Jesus did and see people as He did.
It’s a slow, but ever so worthwhile process. I’m only two days in and I can see the difference. The way that I’m forcing myself to see people differently, and growing my mind and heart as a result.
It’ll take some time for me to turn from the Grinch, who resists feelings and empathy left and right, but my heart is thawing a little bit at a time, the closer I get to the warm light of Christ and let Him and my faith affect my life.
C.S. Lewis articulates a similar point to the one about church pews a little bit later in the book. He explains that the key for a demon to pull a human away from God is to make sure that his conversion is entirely in his head.
It’s when our faith starts to affect our lives that it becomes dangerous to the world below.
So I guess I’m waging war. I’m daring to bring what I think into how I treat people. I would highly recommend it.
Wish me luck…