For God’s Sake, Stop Setting Goals If You Ever Want To Be Successful & Happy
If there is one thing that holds each one of us back from being truly happy, it is our addiction to setting goals — every month, week, or year.
With the new year, new hopes, resolutions, and a new set of goals. Our addiction to goals is so big that marketers have now monetized it to sell journals, courses, and planners.
Now you must be thinking, ‘Renuka, if you don’t set goals, how will we ever achieve what we want? How will we know what we want?’
Well, allow me first to show how goals ain’t helping you in any way and a better alternative of goals that will make you happier, and successful. Shall we?
How Goals Make You Miserable:
How do you set a goal and how do you feel after setting a goal?
Let me jog your memory.
You set goals feeling motivated, inspired, and dedicated to achieving a life that the world (YouTubers, influencers, and the like) has made you believe you deserve. Either you listen to a podcast, watch a YouTube video, or perhaps, read something powerful that makes you motivated to change your entire life.
Then you set goals. You feel that you CAN do it, and this time, you will change your life. You feel excited and happy so much so that you overestimate your potential and create a long list of things that need to be done.
For example: When you watch a YouTube video/reel/TikTok on how someone lost 100 pounds and transformed their lives, you feel dedicated to doing the same. You set the goal of losing 20 pounds. You feel excited and motivated. You cannot wait for the day when you will be all slim and hot.
However, after this things start to go in the wrong direction.
When we set a goal, often, we do it based on external motivation. As soon as the external motivation weighs down, the excitement gets replaced by self-doubts and fear. We feel doubtful about the same goal that we were so excited about. Hence, we end up avoiding that goal — indirectly giving up.
It becomes an unhealthy pattern. Every time, we repeat the same cycle until our self-belief is shattered. Look at your life, analyze it, and see if you can see a similar pattern. How many times you have indirectly given up on a goal because you could no longer feel the same motivation?
This unhealthy pattern makes you mentally weak, lowers your self-confidence, and makes you believe that you are not good enough for the life you dream of.
Now, this is just one problem with setting goals.
There is an even bigger problem. So if you feel that you don’t set goals based on external motivation, you are a victim of this problem.
Goals VS Happiness:
The problem with goals is that they risk your chance of being happy, satisfied, and conscious at this moment.
How?
For example: Let’s say that you set the goal of losing 20 pounds. Now instead of realizing that it’s not going to happen overnight and may take more time than you expect. You start to imagine yourself ‘How perfect your life will be after losing that 20 pounds.’
In your mind, you create a world where you have what you just set the goal for. You haven’t even started working. Yet, you start to imagine how great you will feel after you achieve this goal.
In this example, you might feel ‘Oh, how great I will look, how hot I will look, how happy I will feel, and how everyone will be looking at me.’ You have an imaginary world inside your mind where everything is working as per your desire.
What Is The Problem With That?
The problem with such an imaginary world is — it takes you far away from your reality. You forget that you have just set the goal and it may take months or even years to achieve this one goal.
Not only that, but you also risk your happiness on that ONE FINAL DAY when you will have what you dreamt of. Until then, you are just in your head waiting for the day when you’ll have what you just set the goal for.
You might be far away from THAT ONE FINAL DAY yet you are waiting to feel THAT GOOD for a day that who knows when will it come.
You don’t know when you will lose those 20 pounds or make that dream project come true YET you wait to feel happy. This waiting period doesn’t only risk your chances of being happy but also makes you desperate and unsatisfied — leaving you at the mercy of THAT ONE FINAL DAY.
For example: In the past, I have set the goal of working on my physical health a lot of times. I used to exercise like crazy for a month or two and then I would give up. I used to think ‘Why don’t I feel good and fit as other people seem to be?’
Two months back, I met an online friend in person who managed to lose 50–60 kgs in 1.5 years. I was sharing my experience with her when she said, ‘Renuka, being healthy isn’t a goal. It’s an everyday habit. The only way I was able to lose weight without hating my body was to not dream of ONE FINAL DAY. I just choose to eat healthy over junk food. I chose to go to the gym and I kept some cheat days too.’
And that made me realize that my motivation was wrong. I wanted a figure that would make me look good. I should have focused on building a healthier lifestyle so that I am healthy for life.
Did you see the difference?
Believe it or not, our generation is quite desperate. We have no patience. Just when we set the goal, we create a dream world around us. We push ourselves into that dream world until we have no touch with reality. And that only creates unrealistic expectations, misery, and disconnection with our lives.
With that state of mind, even if you work every day, you will never be able to achieve your dream life.
What Should You Do Instead; The Better Alternative of Goals:
I am not asking you to expect big things for yourself. I am not saying that you don’t deserve a better life.
However, I will say that there is a better way to achieve your goals. A better alternative that doesn’t risk your happiness or self-respect. Shall we?
Set Action-Oriented Habits:
Back in 2020 when I started writing on Medium, I had just one goal. And that goal was based on ACTION. From the very first day, I was clear that my goal was to write one article every day. I never made any Excel sheets or bought any cute templates/aesthetic-looking journals to track my progress. Do you know WHY?
Because I didn’t overburden myself. How tough is it to track one ACTION? One article every day. Either I wrote or I didn’t. Simple, right?
When I started writing on Medium I had no confidence. I was depressed and anxious about my writing skills. But within 6 months of constantly writing one article every day, I became confident. I felt I was born to be a writer. People made me feel so loved.
How did it happen?
I never set the goal to be a good writer. I never thought that writing on a medium would transform me into an author. Yet, here I am. Two years down the line, a girl who used to think her words were useless to a woman who is an international best-selling author.
How?
ACTION GOALS.
I wasn’t focused on how I would feel on THAT ONE FINAL DAY. I was focused on giving my best every day. For two years, I didn’t do anything else but to write like I am in love with words. Life automatically changed.
This is what I want you to do. Instead of setting goals in every area of your life and trying to do everything with an absent mind, try to DO ONE THING in ONE AREA of your life and see how life changes for you.
You need to understand that setting big goals that sound cool and energetic is fine. It shows your enthusiasm but it also represents that you are out of your mind. People set goals all the time. They keep making giant promises to themselves only to make excuses in the end. And then they expect other people to stay and fulfill their promises. God, we are kidding ourselves.
Instead of setting vague goals. Focus on setting ACTION GOALS.
Conclusion: What Are Action Goals?
Action goals mean you know what you will be doing to achieve your dream life. Action goal defines clear-cut what you are supposed to do every day to get one step closer to your destination.
When I set an action goal, I made it clear that my target is to WRITE, which is an action, every day, which defines how often am I supposed to take the action.
Now, it’s your turn. Again, don’t overwork yourself. Yes, make it clear enough for yourself what’s the one action you will perform every day to get closer to your destination. And then no matter what, DO IT.
And please, don’t ever risk your happiness for the future. Be happy today. Show up for yourself today.
