A Prison Of My Own Making.

Foolish Pride

I Had To Wise Up, And Fast

Tuesday Prompt. Thank you, Diana C.

Cause And Effect

Pride has been responsible for the downfall of countless people. Like anger, pride blinds our better judgment. Even when we feel being wrong coursing through every fiber of our being, pride will not allow us to verbally express how it is we truly feel. Once upon a time in America, I was a prideful individual. Mine was the result of having been bullied when I was younger. I was made to feel that I wasn’t capable of doing anything right, so, I said when I got older, I was going to make it my business to never be regarded as wrong again. The said decision would turn out to be amongst the worse I’d ever make but like the rest, it was apart of making me the individual I am today. Our past will only define our present if it resembles it, and my present did just that for a long while. But time brings change, it just took its sweet time of showing up when it came to me.

The Alien(ation)

I had become someone who people went out of their way to avoid, I was the guy people saw coming and they took off running in the opposite direction. You see, my pride made me ignorant, arrogant, and rude. The only thing that mattered to me was proving others wrong and myself right, it had become an obsession. I didn’t care about who I hurt because who cared about my pain when I was being bullied? I blamed everyone for what happened, including my family, who until this day, know nothing about the ordeal, yes, I suffered in silence. Shame is a cruel friend to live with because it could care less about how we feel, its only concern is having a place to stay.

Eventually, I would be ostracized by society, or so it would seem. At this time I never felt more worse in my life, the feeling overshadowed the one of having been bullied. Imagine being cut off from your own family due to your behavior. I felt terrible. I began to realize that wanting to be right all the time was wrong, oh so wrong. But changing wasn’t going to be easy, seeing this lousy habit had become one I grew to love oh so much.

The Road To Salvation

It would take me years to get back in the good graces of my family and friends, and it all started with me changing my ways in the midst of strangers. You see, these were people who didn’t know about my past, so I could begin creating a new present by interacting with them differently. Within the midst of these strangers were some very profound young men, who like me, had been where I was attempting to escape. So, I couldn’t fake the funk with them, they realized what was what from the jump. It was these young men who would force me to be honest with myself, to love and respect myself, and to swallow and defecate out my pride. The young men in question were members of the Nation of Islam, which over time became an origination I join as well. Thanks to their unconditional love I would rise above my former self and begin a journey, that continues right now today. I never shared with one brother why I was how I once was, and not one ever asked. It was all about admission, acceptance, and renewal.

Like I stated previously, it took years for my family and friends to accept I had changed. But eventually, they could no longer deny the fact, seeing there was no change in my current behavior. It would be the consistency that would win them over, and it would be that same consistency that would open up countless doors for me, doors, that had been previously locked and the keys tossed in the ocean.

Thankful

Now I’m regarded as a source of comfort to a multitude, but I had to experience great discomfort to reach, and appreciate, this point in my life. I go out of my way to help others to be in a position to help themselves. My actions are meant to pay homage to those who helped me to be in a position to help myself. When we’re blessed, we’re obligated to be a blessing, well, at least that’s how I believe it to be.

Thank you for taking the time and donating it to reading my words. May all we deserve and desire flow abundantly into our lives like a river does into a sea.