Focusing on What You Want Will Keep You Feeling Empty— Do This Instead

It’s called Maslow’s Hierarchy of “Needs” For a Reason

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Stop focusing on what you want!

It’s adding to your misery.

The more you focus on what you don’t have, the more deprived you feel — your level of happiness drops as a by-product.

This is because wanting is equivalent to obsessing over your lack.

As you focus on what you want, you remind yourself of everything you don’t have, which leads to feelings of emptiness.

Many try to fill the void with things…

More money. More cars. More intimate partners.

While it may feel good at the moment, it’s only temporary.

These feelings wear off.

Before you know it, you’re back wanting more and feeling unsatisfied with your life.

You’ve gotta stop focusing on what you want.

Instead, focus on being grateful for what you have and deploying those resources to fulfill your most urgent needs.

The more needs you meet, the more fulfilled you become.

When blessings become a curse

Have you ever set a goal and strived tirelessly to achieve it, only to feel the same as you did before you realized the goal?

That was me.

In 2018, I set a goal to build a career that allowed me to earn with my mind…

Everything I had done up to that point was physical labor.

Fast-forward two years. I was sitting in a high-end building in Moorgate, London, praying for 5 p.m. to hit faster so I could get the hell outta there.

It’s crazy to think that just a few months before I was celebrating being the first person in my family to land a job in tech.

The excitement left faster than I imagined.

Soon after, I was forcing myself to wake up—like I did when I worked in the mail room of Guildhall in the City of London.

One day, I remember thinking, “Why does this always happen?”

It turns out, it’s how we evolved…

One of our biggest blessings is also our greatest curse.

I’m talking about our ability to adapt.

While it’s played a crucial role in our survival, it also contributes to our insatiable desire for more.

The scientific name for this phenomenon is hedonic adaptation.

Hedonic adaptation defines our tendency to adapt quickly to positive changes in our lives, which leads to a diminishing sense of satisfaction over time.

This explains why most people constantly seek new sources of stimulation and fulfillment — the novel has become the norm, so they need a new buzz.

Dr. Thomas Gilovich, professor of psychology at Cornell University, put it best when he said, “One of the enemies of happiness is adaptation. New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them.”

So many people experience this phenomenon but lack the self-awareness to realize they’re responsible for their own demise.

The more you focus on what you don’t have, the more deprived you feel.

You create more of what you focus on

Focusing on what you want is a constant reminder of what you don’t have.

This keeps you in a state of lack.

Jen Sincero, author of You Are a Badass, says, “What you focus on, you create more of.”

By this logic, focusing on what you want produces more of what you don’t want.

Lack.

For example, my mate Daryl (not his real name) badly wants to leave the UK.

He’s 31 and has done quite well for himself in life, but he has concluded that his future doesn’t reside where he was brought up.

The only problem is he currently works as a real estate developer in London and doesn’t want to be an employee in the country he is moving to.

This triggered Daryl to invest in a spat of money-making schemes.

TLDR: None of them have made money.

Daryl is in the red on all of his investments.

He’s too focused on making money, so he could quit his job and leave the UK instead of solving people’s problems, which is the natural way to make money.

As a result, he wakes up every day feeling stressed.

The other day, he put in the group chat, “I feel soulless. It’s like I’m just existing for no reason. All I do is pay bills.”

It also doesn’t help that Daryl cannot see what he has…

A ton of people would kill to be in his shoes.

He earns a healthy base salary and gets amazing commissions from selling and renting properties—let’s not forget about the Mercedes C-class coupe he drives or the high-end apartment he lives in in the finer part of London.

By wanting more, you disregard all of the things you already have.

As the popular adage goes, “What you appreciate appreciates, and what you depreciate depreciates.”

This reminds you more of your lack and makes you feel more unfulfilled.

MAIN IDEA 3: THE SOLUTION

In 1943, Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, proposed a theory to explain human motivation.

Maslow called his theory the Pyramid of needs.

It comprises a five-tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid.

The theory suggests people have several basic needs that must be met before they move up the hierarchy to pursue more social, emotional, and self-actualizing needs.

The point I wanted to hone in on is the name of the theory…

It’s called Maslow’s Hierarchy of “Needs” for a reason!

Your needs are more important than your wants.

That is…

You feel more satisfied when you meet your needs than when you meet your wants.

… And the feeling of satisfaction lasts longer.

Meeting your wants only makes you feel good for a short period of time.

Eventually, you become accustomed to the new normal and want more.

But this doesn’t mean you should focus on your needs…

It only means your resources should go toward meeting your needs.

What you’re supposed to focus on is what you already have.

In other words, be grateful.

You’re already equipped with everything you need to get you to the next level.

If you can’t see it, it’s because you’re not grateful for what you have.

Spend time every day expressing gratitude.

I like to do this by writing 3 things I’m grateful for in the morning.

This must be accompanied by action if you want to feel fulfilled.

You must prioritize your needs by their level of urgency and deploy your resources toward their fulfillment.

Only then can you fill the void and feel happier about life.

Final thoughts

Focusing on your wants will keep you feeling empty.

Nothing will ever be enough, yet you’ll constantly want more.

This is due to our ability to adapt to changes quickly.

The novel becomes the norm, making you seek new sources of stimulation and fulfillment.

You can only reverse this by being grateful for what you have and deploying those resources to meet your needs.

The more needs you meet, the more satisfied you’ll feel.

Thanks for reading!