Focusing On The Present While Being Aware Of The Past

I’ve never been one to focus on the past. For me, the future is bright and the present is the only place we exist in. You find happiness in the day to day — the last 10 or so years have proven that to me.

I get my quality of life from focusing on the present moments — not from planning and not from remembering. However, you do need to plan some things and the past needs to be recognized sometimes.

When I wrote a memoir, I could see how my pattern to brush off the past caught up with me. I swept certain things under the rug because they were in “another life” rather than taking a few moments to absorb how those things affected me and how some of the ways I interacted with others were influenced by that.

In therapy, I’ve avoided talking about certain things because I didn’t think it applied to my new free life out west. Some of those past relationships in Ontario shaped how I approached relationships in the present. There are some things you need to recognize so you can fully let them go. If you ignore most of your past, you’re not going to take with you the lessons you’ve learned from it.

Sometimes you need therapy to help you avoid repeating old patterns. This is where focusing on the past (for a little bit) can be helpful. Because the places you came from and the people you grew up with shape the person you grow into — whether we like it or not.

Writing a memoir is such a cool exercise since you get to remember some great times as well as the things that shocked or horrified you. Especially since I was more of a sheltered child and teenager (I’m not complaining or judging, this is just a reality), I got to learn certain things in my 30’s that some people already knew in their teens.

Of course, I’m still learning. Life is a never ending lesson, but I believe it’s meant to be enjoyed. Struggles happen, but they’re meant to be overcome rather than a continuous issue. As I look back, I see some patterns at how I’d walk right into danger without caution or entertain people I should have run away from. It seems like insanity, but I was so accustomed to cognitive dissonance growing up that I brought some of that with me once I started traveling on my own.

Memoir writing isn’t for everyone. We’ve all got stories to tell but that doesn’t mean we want to write a book about them. I will say that if you’re curious about writing one, you should go for it. It’s an amazing way to appreciate how far you’ve come, what you accomplished, and how some failures/situations showed how strong you are.

While I’m a present-focused person, I’ve been balancing that out by planning for the future and remembering the lessons from my past.