“Focus on Surviving, Sturg!”— Day 13
Managing my chronic pain and making it through the day are my main focuses every day
Dr. Tracy Davis has me excited to write at least one story a day down the stretch of this writing challenge. I know I’ve taken days breaks in between but I think that I’m in the headspace and position right now where it would be all right if I just kept powering through to the end of the 30 days without another break.
I know it sounds sad but really I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. My health is the way it is because of my various medical conditions and my chronic pain. There’s nothing that I can do about it except what the doctors have recommended for me to do.
I try to move around as much as I can still every day even if it’s only for about 15–20 minutes per day. I know that the recommended amount is at least 30 minutes of moderate activity a day. I just don’t think that my body would be able to handle that much activity. I just have to focus on maintaining my current pain levels, which are still high, and make myself as comfortable as possible.
I can’t even really sit, or stand for too long either. Even though I hate it, I’m laying down in bed a lot. I’d rather be playing sports, running, or at least hiking. These are all things that I’d been able to do recently up until about four years ago before I went out of work.
In fact, I used to not only stand at the retail store for at least eight hours a day. I also walked to and from bus stops, sometimes climbing a hill to get to my store. I would also walk to and from the store when I could to get groceries. I didn’t have any major problems until I didn’t see the signs coming.
I started to feel it right before I was unable to work completely but I ignored the symptoms, instead opting to power through the day until I was unable to anymore. It sucks. I am only 40 years old. I’d really like to be able to be physically active still and keep up with some of my peers on the basketball court.
Those dreams are gone and were even before all of the health issues. I also blew my knee out in my 20s so my basketball-playing days have been long over given that I didn’t have proper medical access to a knee surgeon to get my torn MCL fixed. It’s still torn and out of place but scar tissue has healed around it and it is now stable, for the most part.
I have all of these dreams, goals, aspirations, and regrets, but as I said before, I have had to adjust my life constantly just to make the days pass to just allow me to manage the immense amount of pain that I experience every day. The thing is, I’m glad I have a great support system for my pain with my partner who also experiences chronic pain.
Mike has multiple sclerosis and fibromyalgia so he definitely knows what pain feels like and he’s helped me figure out what I can and can’t do every day. Every day feels like a challenge but if I make it through one more day and I don’t get too wracked by pain, I consider that a win.
Oh, yeah, and then there’s that writing thing that I keep up with nearly daily. I’m glad that I have a setup that is modified and helps me get the words on the screen. I would be lost without it. I’m blessed that I have something to do during the day given that I can’t work and that this hobby has turned into so much more.
If I was just laying here all day and able to do nothing at all, my days would just run together and I would die of sheer boredom. Okay, it sounds like I’m exaggerating but it’s a real thing that people experience. Well, sort of. I kind of cheated by saying it exactly like that but I know that boredom certainly won’t help me survive in the long run.
Day 12:
