Mental Health

Fuck Anxiety. You Got This.

Trust me, you have a parachute

When you panic, it feels like you’re jumping out of an airplane without a parachute, but trust me. There’s a parachute. I’ve always panicked. It’s how I’m made, but I’ve learned that panic is not the entirety of me. It is merely one window in the entire building of me.

1. Acknowledge when the panic is happening. It’s not reality. It’s your reality. What’s your response to something new? Is it panic? Notice that. Are you worried about failing? Are you worried you’re not going to accomplish every job perfectly? Are you afraid every tiny thing you do reflects how people see you as a person? Why are the stakes always so high?
2. Put all your feelings about panic in a box. The box's job is to hold your fears (job fears, relationship fears, going out, staying in, parenting, impending conversations, everything). The box is there so you can get on with your daily life. If you let your fears into your minute-to-minute life, you become a diluted version of your best self. What does the box that holds your panic and fear look like? Is it wood? Metal? Glass? How big is it? Is it heavy? Is it sharp? Imagine that box. Put every thought that comes up around your fear and panic into the box. Close the box. Put it away. If something else comes up around this fear, there’s a place for it.
3. How does your body feel when panic happens? Do you feel it in your belly? Your chest? Your shoulders? Your back? Is it in your mind, causing you to doubt yourself? When you panic, do you feel worthless and incapable? Does panic erase everything you like about yourself? Breathe. Remind your body you are not jumping out of an airplane, parachute-less. You are trying something new. You are trying something you’ve done before but you think you’re supposed to do perfectly. You are experiencing a new opportunity and you think it will expose your flaws. Feel your parachute and remind your body that this isn’t a crash landing.
4. When does panic happen? At what moments do panic and fear come up for you? Is it all the time? Is it when people are watching? Online or in-person? Both? Is it when you doubt your abilities? Or does it even come up when you are sure about your abilities, so it is just a bad habit? Panic doesn’t remotely reflect reality. Doubting your competence is a bad habit and like with every bad habit, it requires tackling that bad habit. It’s like smoking or overeating. You need to make a plan. Start by putting that self-doubt in another box. Close it!
5. Do you know why panic is happening? Why do you have so much self-doubt and panic? Do you know? What bought you to this place? Often, it is because your scaffolding is weak. You did not get what you needed growing up. You did not learn how to self-soothe. You did not feel like you had someone in your corner, cheering you on. That’s okay. It’s never too late to learn to cheer yourself on, find a support system, and learn to self-soothe. You start where you start. You’re not permanently broken. You are a work in progress.

We all need cheerleaders. The world is terrifying if you think you are always at risk of being exposed for your imperfections. When you are always trying to earn your place, but never feel the flow of your accomplishments, you’ve got to work from the ground up.

You’ve got to build yourself up. You don’t have to do it alone. You can turn to a friend and say “Hold the cement while I lay these bricks.” Remind yourself that you’re not some first draft, some scrappy flaw, some mistake.

You are not an empty building. Something is holding you up. What is it? Is it every book you read? Is it every friend you made? Is it your strength? Your morality? Your sense of humor? How good a friend you are? How well you cook? What you enjoy? Who you enjoy? How cool your dog is? Your kids? What a good listener you are? How hard you laugh? How other people feel when they're around you? Your kindness? How hard you work?

You are a building, built upon scaffolding. You are stronger than you think. You may not be able to stop panicking when life throws bricks at you, but remember this. You are not only one window. If you break, the rest of the building is still standing.

Patch up that window and get on with your life.