Five Ways Narcissists Abuse You

Recognize the warning signs before it’s too late

We all have heard of the word “narcissist” before. We usually call people who think too highly of themselves that. But what is the actual definition of a narcissist? According to Mayo Clinic, Personality qualities include thinking very highly of oneself, needing admiration, believing others are inferior, and lacking empathy for others.

I am going to discuss five ways narcissists abused me. I am not trying to play the victim in this post; I am sharing these to give you examples of what to watch out for and to tell you to leave before they cause too much damage. I should have left these relationships much earlier than I did. Narcissists are tricky: they abuse you and make you feel like the problem.

I blame myself for having this person in my life for ten years. I wouldn't bother seeing him if I could do it over again. I was a much different person I am today than I was when I met him. If I could do it again, I wouldn’t bother being friends with him.

With that being said, here are five ways narcissists abuse us.

They have double standards

A narcissist will have double standards. They will have one set of rules for you and one for them. In my case, my narcissist would ask me for money all the time. He constantly reminded me he had neuropathy and that he couldn’t work. He told me that if I cared about him, I would work a hard job to buy heroin for him so he wouldn’t be in pain. However, whenever he had money, he would spend it on himself because it was his money. He accused me of taking advantage of him. Essentially, his money was his money, and mine was his money.

Narcissists do not care if they have double standards. He would get angry at me if I spent my money on alcohol and cigarettes, telling me I was wasting money, and yet he would spend any money his friends gave him on heroin. Despite this contradiction, I was still the bad one for spending the money I earned on alcohol and cigarettes—very crazy-making.

They will do favors and expect you to return them

I have had a couple of narcissistic friends who would do things for me with the expectation to give them whatever they wanted. Another narcissist gave me a worthless, obsolete iPad. I did not want it, but he insisted I take it. Shortly after it was forced on me, he constantly reminded me about it and expected me to be his servant.

The two narcissists I had in my life believed they could hand me a bag of marijuana and then demand money from me. I was addicted to it at the time. They would make fun of me if I declined the bag of weed because I was smoking all the time. They told me how crazy I was for not taking it, saying I wasn’t acting like myself and that I was acting crazy.

Narcissists will criticize and shame you. They will say and do anything to get what they want from you. The narcs in my life treated me like their servants like my only reason for existing was to do favors for them. They would tell me what I was doing was not as important as what they wanted from me. Now I know not to fall for their crap again.

They make you feel sorry for them

Another thing narcissists will do to abuse you is make you feel sorry for them. I remember my narcissist wanted me to give them money to buy drugs. When I said no, they accused me of not caring about them. They told me they were in pain and sniveled and carried on when I didn’t want to buy them heroin. After declining his request, he would try to guilt me, implying I was causing his pain because I wouldn’t pay for the drugs to kill it.

He told me how all his other friends did him wrong by abandoning him and insisted I prove to him I was not like everyone else. To do so, I was expected to take him into my house, give him as much money as he wanted, go to work to buy him more drugs, and beg my landlord to let him stay. I remember him telling me I was a bad friend if I didn’t risk my housing for him. He didn’t care if he was putting me at risk if it meant he would be off the streets for another day.

Narcissists have all sorts of sob stories they tell, expecting you to feel sorry for them. Actual victims, in general, will never use their sob story to get stuff out of you. This can be difficult for empaths as they don’t like seeing others in pain. It’s okay to help out once in a while, but you are doing a disservice to yourself when you let them abuse you.

They will insult you even when you’re helping them

I remember while I was housing this narcissist, he told me that I was creepy towards women because I had a disability. He told me I embarrassed him because I creep out women. He told me the symptoms of my disability meant no girl would ever like me. When I told him to leave my apartment, he said he wasn't leaving because he had nowhere to go and was telling the truth. Women do not like disabled people, he said.

Narcissists will abuse and disrespect you, even when you do nothing but help them. They will always find something wrong with you and shame you for what makes you who you are. I was very offended when my narc insulted me. Looking back now, I should have thrown him out then and there. I have learned that you have to stop helping someone as soon as they abuse and disrespect you and to not listen to any of their guilt trips.

They will ruin your name

Finally, when you have no contact with them, they will tell anyone who will listen how bad of a person you are. Many people have scolded me for “not being a good friend.” They told me I should have let him stay in my apartment and not kicked him out with nowhere to go. Many people told me how much of a jerk I was and that I didn’t have a valid reason for not letting him stay. When in reality, he was abusing me the entire time he stayed with me.

Narcissists will run a smear campaign against you. They will tell anyone who will listen about all the bad things you did to them. They think they are perfect and if you and the narcissist don’t get along, it’s always your fault. There is always something you should have done differently, but they don’t have to change a thing. As I said earlier, it’s another double standard they have.

It can be very crazy to have to defend yourself from people who criticize you for defending yourself. The narcissist may lie to these people and twist the facts to make it seem like they’re the victim. I have learned anyone who goes on at great length about how you could have been better while the other person is blameless. They aren’t worth your time. It is good to consider what you might have done wrong, but the other person has to do the same. If they blame you as the sole reason the relationship isn’t working, it’s time to move on.

Conclusion

Narcissists are difficult people. They will treat you terribly and then blame you for it. My narcissists would try to make me responsible for how they feel. If I didn’t want to give them money, they would feel hurt and then blame me for their feelings. They have many double standards, and they expect you to treat them like a prince.

Narcissists are exhausting. It is stressful being blamed for everything. Narcissists never take responsibility and will try to make you feel that they one in the wrong. Considering your hand in things is good, but this only works if the other person is willing to do the same.

It’s critical to watch out for warning signs and not to form relationships with narcissists. Focusing on themselves, boasting, or complaining about other people are all red flags to watch out for. Don’t trust somebody just because they expect you to.

It’s best to be selective of who your friends are. Never form relationships with somebody who demands you prove yourself worthy of their friendship. Avoid these kinds of people. It will only make you miserable.

I do not want the impression that I am the victim. Yes, I did have a hand in the outcome. I should have kicked this person out of my house as soon as he started abusing me. I attracted this person into my life because I mistreated myself. I now have more respect for myself, and I am sure I will never let someone like that into my life again.

Just know the signs and leave the relationship as soon as you recognize too many.