Five Unintentionally Rude Things People Do
A lesson for the faux polite people of the world.
Rude people either live in a vacuum of self-awareness — or just don’t care.
I fear I have been “that guy” a few times, that I’ve unintentionally ruffled feathers and burned bridges in my wake.
“If Sean does that one more time, I will reach across this table and uppercut his esophagus.”
By the end of this article, you will know what to look out for — and how to avoid being an accidental jackass.
Getting a gauge on where they are “really” from
Some people are as subtle as a brick through a window.
Especially here in the US.
If someone is non-white, don’t make it into your mission to find out where they are “really” from.
I see this cringefest commonly with Asian-Americans, some of whom have been here for two generations.
They talk with no accent and couldn’t be more American. But some stranger begins interrogating them like they just stepped off the boat on Ellis Island. The stranger stops just short of asking for their green card.
And look — I’m not Mr. Perfect.
I’m sure I’ve done this at some point. It’s more out of curiosity as I’m into family heritage stuff.
I’ve now seen it from the outside and realize it’s generally a bad look. Questions about a stranger's heritage can wait until you know them a little better.
A question that implies there’s something wrong
My girlfriend, Laura, says that men used to always ask her, “So why are you still single?”
They often asked it in this curious and doubtful tone — that implied something had to be wrong.
“She must be crazy or have some sort of baggage.”
If you think about it, that question is loaded with assumptions: that she is looking for a boyfriend, that she’s getting rejected because she’s broken, and that you know her well enough to ask that type of question.
For the record, Laura was one of those women who spent most of her 20s single by choice.
Their question was probably just their awkward way of saying she was super attractive. But they unintentionally send bad vibes.
Commenting about anything bizarre on their appearance
One of my guy friends has dark circles under his eyes naturally. That’s just how he looks.
Too often, people comment, “You look tired.”
“Have you gotten sleep, buddy? You look sleepy.”
He plays it off like it doesn’t bother him. But I can tell it makes him insecure.
In general, I’d refrain from commenting about someone’s appearance in any negative or neutral light. Don’t point out irregularities about their face.
That includes telling them they should smile more.
This is especially true with women.
Years ago, my dad was in the car with me and I was only 10-years-old.
We weren’t even talking. And just out of the blue he said, “I don’t care how tall, beautiful, ugly, skinny, or fat a woman is — don’t ever make a joke about her weight.”
I suspect he’d witnessed some cringe.
Dining habits from hell
There’s this habit of slurping amongst otherwise civilized people.
They sound like a toddler using a straw for the first time.
And I’m not just talking about soup. Literally, any liquid is grounds for a mouth concert.
It’s the drinking version of hearing someone chew with their mouth open. It also makes the person seem like they are finishing their drink in a frenzy of dehydration.
Some people are repeat offenders. They moan in pleasure as they eat and smack their mouth like a cow and then unleash burps.
One of my coworkers had this big bag of tortilla-style Doritos. Every day around 11, he would sit behind me and spend a solid 20 minutes each day slowly crunching through these chips.
Now granted, I know in some countries in Asia, slurping is normal — while blowing your nose in a restaurant would be hugely rude (it generally isn’t in the US).
I hate hearing the sound of other people eating and consuming food with no effort to conceal the noise.
Culture math on our arrival time
Years ago, one of my professors told me that people judge you by three things:
- Your personality.
- The quality of your work.
- Your punctuality.
There have been plenty of people who I liked and respected greatly, who drove me nuts on their habitual lateness.
It’s particularly aggravating when meeting someone for lunch or dinner.
I don’t like writing it off as being on “Caribbean time”.
Perhaps this is my military upbringing making me a bit of a stiff.
I don’t like sitting alone at a lunch table for 15–20 minutes every time we get together. It tells me the other person doesn’t respect my time.
A friend suggested, “Just lie to them and say we are meeting 15 minutes earlier than we actually are.”
That feels convoluted and dishonest. I don’t like doing culture math on the appropriate level of lateness to be. If we are meeting at 6, let’s meet at 6.
The worst one of all
The Kingslayer unintentionally rude thing that I’ve had the non-pleasure of witnessing.
Asking a woman how “far along” she is…
When she isn’t pregnant.
If you have to ask, go with something safe like, “Do you have children?”
Or make sure I’m out of earshot so I don’t have to cohabitate the cringe grave with you.
Stupid Bob to the non-pregnant girl: “WOW, you look SoOoO pregnant. When are you gonna pop that thing out?”
Sean throws himself out the window.
Unless you are her doctor, and she is in front of you, in labor, avoid that question.
Recap for memory: intentionally rude things people do
- Slurping and being a loud eater (with cultural exceptions).
- Commenting on someone’s appearance or pointing out any abnormality.
- Interrogating a minority stranger’s “real” homeland.
- Being habitually late with no valid excuse.
- Asking a woman how far into her pregnancy she is.
