Five Things You Don’t Want To Regret When You’re My Age

Avoid the pitfalls of Golden Age Tarnish. Advice from the Eighth Level.

When you get to be my age (oh, here she goes again with the 80-year-old routine like she’s the world’s oldest woman or, deliver me, the world’s smartest woman), you don’t want to end up with a laundry list of regrets and no time left to undo past mistakes.

Not that I don’t have my share of woulda, shoulda, couldas.

A job offer I wish I had taken. The guy I never called back who started his own billion-dollar widget company. That blue, quilted leather jacked in Florence I let my too frugal friend talk me out of that I’ve never been able to forget.

What life isn’t peppered with its share of missed opportunities?

But that’s not what I’m talking about when I talk about old age regret. The garden variety misstep in life often opens other doors. So no harm, no foul if you’re able to adjust your course.

I’m talking about serious errors of judgment that give Father Time a leg up. That shows the wolf at the door how to get in the back way.

Mortality has been making itself known around these parts. Not only am I losing people I never thought I could live without (three in three months) like the grim reaper was having a fire sale (come on, people! Enough.) But it has put my own lifespan in front of my eyes where I can no longer avoid thinking about it. Where I can’t keep from assessing my life when bathroom breaks call me in the middle of the night now, and I can’t get back to sleep.

I have much to be grateful for, most of it beginning and ending with my daughter. But I can’t help thinking about things I’d seriously change if I could. Things that make me wish I could wave a red flag when I see others making these mistakes. That make me want to shout, “Go back. Go back. Very thin ice.”

And because I’m on Medium, today I can do just that. What’s my advice for living a more comfortable life as you age? You start planning for it now, no matter how old you are. So yes, you beauties in your twenties, thirties, and forties. I’m talking to you. And everyone else on the ladder to heaven behind me.

Here are my favorite things that will help innoculate you against the heartbreak of Golden Years Tarnish. Where you spend your last time on earth wallowing in the bitterness of regret. The mistakes you wish you hadn’t made.

1. You didn’t give up smoking.

The old saying, your health is everything? You bet your bitcoin it is. Take it from me who can’t make it up a flight of stairs without my inhaler. Which brings me to my first piece of advice. First and foremost. First and best. First and pay attention. First and maybe nothing else is as important. Quit smoking. If you haven’t started, don’t. If you have, quit. If you’ve quit, give yourself a big gold star and don’t go back. Smoking is at the root of most of our most serious illnesses. The horrible ads on TV with people speaking out of their throats? Newsflash: they aren’t actors. Cancer from smoking happens that way. Smoking will break your bones from osteoporosis, cause many forms of cancer, ruin your lungs. I was born with asthma and had the stupidity to smoke on top of it for a while. Of course, that was before the Surgeon General put warnings on cigarette packs and doctors would examine you with a butt hanging out of their mouths. I’m paying for it now. Not horribly thanks to my inhaler. But if Symbicort ever goes out of business, I’ll be on oxygen. No joke. DO NOT SMOKE. You will regret it.

2. You didn’t exercise every day.

Streeeetch those joints. Keep those muscles strong. You wouldn’t believe how they stiffen up and weaken with age. Start now. Even if you’re creeping up on father time. Yes, you can always start exercising as you get older. But there comes a time when you’re past your sell by date. Yeah, you can get some benefit from doing yoga in a wheelchair or lifting arm weights leaning against your walker. But avoid the rush to senility and treat your brain to a healthy dose of whatever the love is scientists have shown keeps your brain functioning long into your dotage. I have friends who’ve run marathons almost weekly and done massive bike rides every day for their whole lives.What do they have to show for it? They kill in their age groups in competitions. They are energetic and strong and healthy. Be those people. So you don’t have to do ultra marathons. You know the drill. Move that body. Instead of asking the nearest grandkid to help you out of your recliner.

3. You didn’t make enough new friends.

When we pack up our cubbies and thank our co-workers for our retirement party, most of us cut the cord to our social life. Don’t make the mistake of ending up with all the time in the world on your hands, and no one you can call to come out and play. Many retirees move away to cheaper, warmer locales, non-stop travel they’ve promised themselves, and sadly, sometimes nursing homes and their final resting places, leaving you all alone. It’s hard to start anything new when you’re older, whether it’s a job or a new circle of friends. And isolation is a killer, and I don’t mean that as hyperbole. So while you’re still active at work or in your professional communities, try to stay connected to your lifelines. Your church or temple. Your golf buddies. Your knitting or book group. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking you have enough friends. That your friends now will always be there for you. People can leave your life suddenly. Not just for the morbid reasons, but their own lives change. Keep inviting new people to join your circle, even though right now your dance card may seem full. And when you retire and people say, oh let’s stay in touch and have lunch, don’t wait for them to call; you make a date. Make a rule never to turn down a social invitation. They are as important as medicine when we get older. If you’ve devoted your whole life to your career and your spouse, and that network begins to fray, you’re in danger of becoming a rising statistic. The isolated elderly. People who lose a spouse late in life risk a shortened life span if they don’t keep connected to friends, neighbors, family. Pay attention to your dwindling numbers and check out the library’s offerings, the local rec center for classes and activities. Be the happy retiree who says, I’m so busy socializing with my friends, I don’t know how I ever had time to work.

4. You didn’t travel when you could.

There will come a time when you won’t be able to jump in the car and go. Get on a plane and fly to an exotic shore. Or, tour the capitals of the world. Do it now. So how do I square that advice with saving every penny you’ve got for an uncertain future? Life is still for the living, and if you have the means, don’t be afraid to try new adventures that take you away from home. Mingling with people who don’t look like you and speak a different language and eat foods you’ve never heard of can be the most fun since Jeopardy. And I am here to tell you about that. I’ve gone to a lot of places that weren’t even open to visitors when I was a girl. And if I had the means, I’d go to many more. I’ve never regretted a penny I spent exploring this planet. Travel is the best thing you can do for yourself. With the exception of Number 5.

5. You didn’t have enough sex.

Need I say more? Use it or lose it.

So those are the big regrets to avoid. We can’t go through life hiding in a closet to avoid the slings and arrows of fate. But a few smart promises to ourselves about our self care can give us a leg up later in life when we’ll need it most.