Five Things That Will Be More Lucrative Than Medium If Current Trends Continue
In case you need some extra cash
Let me start by saying that while this is indeed a rant, it is a semi-tongue-in-cheek rant. I still love Medium, or rather I still love the writers and readers I’ve met on Medium (love for a website only leads to heartbreak when it inevitably disappears). And I am not leaving, no matter how much many of you may want me to.
I am, however, a realist (and a negative realist at that); like most here I have seen the views/reads/earnings plummet over the past few months. In fact, for me it’s been even stranger than that: my views/reads have held reasonably steady compared with previous months and yet earnings have fallen to the point that I currently owe Medium $2.63 for January.
I am not going to share actual earnings here; my mother always said it was unseemly to discuss money outside the family. She also told me not to smoke, drink tequila, or marry a girl from East Texas, but at least I’ve tried to listen to one of her admonitions. Instead of boring you with my earnings, I want to point you toward some ways to not only supplement your current Medium income, but in several cases even surpass it.
1. Pick up cans on the side of the road. If Medium earnings continue to fall and the price of aluminum continues to rise, it might make more sense to write three days a week and spend the other four out in the fresh air and sunshine, getting exercise as you scan the highways of America (or Canada or England or Spain or Australia) for those valuable Coke Zero cans. There is the added benefit of saving money on that gym membership you won’t need anymore; walking from Tulsa to Little Rock beats some stupid treadmill any day.
2. Cat walker. Anyone can be a dog walker; that gold mine has run dry anyway. But I have yet to see anyone capitalize on the untapped market that is professional cat walking. You can charge exorbitant amounts because among the many other things they hate, cats despise leashes (my cats even hate collars, and will throw themselves at the wall until the damn thing breaks); owners will pay top dollar to have someone else take on that trauma.
3. Manual typewriter repairman. Yes, manual; not even an electric typewriter. First, there is usually only one person in each state in America who even knows what a manual typewriter is; the competition is non-existent. Second…well, there’s not really a second point here. This is more of a commentary on how far Medium earnings have fallen than the future of typewriter repair.
4. CEO of Twitter and/or Speaker of the House of Representatives. Apparently, both of these jobs can be done by literally anyone, so why not you?
5. Competitive hot dog eater. The second-place finisher at the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest wins $5,000 (first place pays $10K, but Joey Chestnut owns that spot). All you need to do is eat roughly 50 hot dogs (with buns) in ten minutes, which seems far easier right now than keeping a Springsteen article with 5K views from paying $0.00 because 100% of the views were external.
Those are just a few ideas for bringing in a few extra dollars as you labor away here. I’d give you more, but now that this is done I have to go find 75 pounds of cans so I can afford to feed my damn cats.
Namaste.
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