avatarMiiko G.


Five Questions for Your Spouse Tonight

Photo by taylor hernandez on Unsplash

This morning (while I was supposed to be deep-cleaning my bathrooms), questions we should ask our spouse in the new year grabbed me and took me to my MacBook instead (thank you, Medium).

Dennis Vetrano Jr., a relationship advice podcaster, suggests these questions to ask your spouse.

  1. “What can I do to help you?”
  2. “Do you feel like you’re being heard?”
  3. “Is there something I can do to give you some ‘me’ time?
  4. “Do you feel appreciated?”
  5. “What’s your best date night?”

My husband and I married in our mid to almost late 30s, and nearly 28 years later, I’d like to think we have a loving and healthy relationship. It’s a cross-cultural and cross-continental one peppered with excitement and frustration, with a couple of tough seasons, but it’s been happy on balance.

We continue to evolve as individuals and as a couple. He is pushing towards retirement, and I just got my second wind to live the last third of my life with renewed enthusiasm and purpose. Our young adult kids, one still in college, are finding their way in the world, so we are “freer” than before but still not quite there yet, if ever (you know, a mother’s heart!). Even then, we have more time to ourselves than before. We don’t want to take our relationship for granted. I had also almost lost him ten years ago to an unexpected stroke. That was a dreadful season of life, a reminder of the frailty of life.

Reflective questions like these are helpful. We can intentionally make life easier and happier for the other person once we know where to improve. And since we really are like chalk and cheese, we need to return to the fundamentals at least once a year.

But as I looked over the questions, I thought we could have some fun answering them.

Instead of just listening to my husband’s response, I thought role-playing him and answering the five questions myself would be a hoot. Then, we will see how our responses match when he answers them.

And he will do the same for me, too. He will role-play me, and we can compare our responses.

I suppose how it pans out will depend on our emotional security. There might be some initial hurt feelings. Or surprises. I think there will also be a lot of laughter. We will see!

Loving Your Spouse
Reflective Questions
Couples Therapy
Joyful Living
Relationships Coach
Recommended from ReadMedium