Relationship matters

Five Easy To Miss Clues That Your Marriage Is Heading For The Rocks

You can't be too careful

Here are five easy to miss clues that your marriage may be in deeper trouble than you could ever have imagined. I suppose the main reason I missed these clues myself was because, as you will read, the events that happened can happen for purely innocent reasons. Add a good heaping of lifelong trust and without even realising it until it's all too late, your whole life is heading for the rocks.

1.The missed train cock and bull story.

Of course, this sort of thing happens all the time. You run for the train just as it's about to leave and manage to get on, only to discover you are a non stop train to the other side of the country. So it's really not that far fetched, until you tie it in with one or two other little giveaways. The problem with this one is that it is almost impossible to prove you've been lied to and that your other half has really spent the night with a secret lover.

2.The lost bag scam.

Right out of the blue my lovely wife seemed to have developed the inconvenient habit of 'losing' her bag somewhere in town.This was only to discover later, after she had sent me off on a wild goose chase to find it for her, that she had had it with her all along. I unwittingly went along with this three times before it dawned on me that there was more to this than absent mindedness or a lost bag.

When I cross referenced these lost bag events with our itemised telephone bill I realised that the lost bag cock and bull stories were to get me out of the house so she could call an unknown number in my absence. That number turned out to be that of her lover.

Upon my arrival back home empty handed she would announce "Oh, you know what? It was in the boot of my car all along. I guess I must have just forgotten I put it there."

3.The mysterious telephone callers hanging up bullshit.

Over all the years I was with my wife we almost never got unwanted, untraceable calls. Suddenly that all changed. The giveaway was that it only ever happened when I took the call, never when she did. I'd pick up the phone and say hello and immediately the line would go dead. When I dialled the caller ID line I got the message "Number withheld." My wife tried to convince me that it was local kids out to get me. However, although this did set me wondering in the end I decided 'No way, Jose! I had no known nor unknown enemies who would go to such trouble so many times.

4.The sudden urging to have a night out with your best friend.

Most of the men I have known have had a problem with their wives not liking their best friends. Lots of women seem to think that best friend will lead her husband or boyfriend astray. This is especially so if that best friend is a single. My ex wife was no different, always complaining if I dared suggest going round to see a life long buddy, John.

Suddenly lovely pure and innocent wife spouts up "You know you've been working so hard lately, why don't you go and see John? Spend the night with him if you want, I really don't mind." Talk about a red flag. Now I really was getting suspicious about what was really going on.

5.The itemised telephone bill of truth.

When your husband or wife is having an affair you can guarantee a lot of it is being conducted by telephone, fixed or mobile. My troubles happened pre- mobile phone times, that made it easier. When I checked our much higher than normal bill there was only one number I did not recognise, it was his. The calls all took place when I just happened to be out of the house, no doubt looking for a so called 'lost bag'.

In the end it was not one single thing which alerted me to what was going on behind my back but an accumulation of small innocuous seeming events. That was what brought down the entire superficial edifice of domestic bliss.

All that time I was in denial until one telephone call from her lover forced me to step out of my self constructed bubble. I cannot even begin to tell you how painful it is to get a phone call from your partner's boss to mock you and laugh at you for not noticing what has been going on. The sick individual felt the urge to boast with "After all this time you still don't know, do you? You're pathetic, why don't you ask your wife?" I'm over it now as it was over twenty five years ago, but that hurt me deeply for many many years.

Now I'm not saying that all of the above are bonafide proof positive that your partner is cheating, but in all likelihood they are. You can choose to ignore those early signs, like I did, and pay a very heavy price later, or you can quickly wise up and get with the programme of dealing with harsh reality.

Dr Mehmet Yildiz Dew Langrial Aldric Chen Tree Langdon Stuart Englander Britni Pepper Thewriteyard Esther George Maria Rattray Holly Kellums Terry L. Cooper Terry Mansfield Desiree Driesenaar Dr. Preeti Singh Sabana Grande Agnes Laurens Geetika Sethi Rebecca Stevens A.