First Love Lost

A poem for my Poppy.

Some people you love so purely and profoundly, but they pass on too soon. They make you feel special, loved, and safe. You know how much they care about you, and when they leave your life, there is such a vast void. My Poppy was my everything. I was a teenager when he died. Facing the trauma of losing your grandfather, who was your first great love, can make you want to shy away from love altogether.

When I looked at your face, I could always see the love in your eyes.

When you told me you loved me, I felt it.

When you held me in your arms, I felt the safety in them.

When you spoke to me about life, I listened.

When you spent time with me, I valued it.

When you talked about running away, you said that you would take me with you.

When you told me that you were sick and needed to live your life, I was confused.

When I tried to call, you couldn’t be reached, you protected me from your actions.

When I needed you, I couldn’t find you.

When I wanted to talk to you, you were nowhere to be found.

When I called everyone, no one would help me locate you.

When I felt that I had to see you, I couldn’t get you out of my mind.

When I got the call that you were gone, my heart broke.

When I think of you now, I wish I could tell you how much I love you.

Sometimes people pass on, but you can still feel their love and presence around you. You see little signs that remind you of them everywhere. It’s almost as your connection is still intact through time and space.

I can see your smile and how you beamed when you looked at me.

I can smell the smoky scent of tobacco on your skin when you held me.

I can feel your arms around me and how it felt when you would squeeze me tight.

I can hear you voice and your words of love.

I can still sense you are with me.

But I wish you were here.

Thank you, Sahil Patel, for the following thought provoking writing prompt to focus on love in the month of February:

“Is there someone you wish you could tell one more time, how much you love them? Write them a letter telling them.”

I wanted to share this beautiful poem by Trista Signe Ainsworth about “Infinate Love”