Fire Ants, Lovers and Chronic Pain
How do we communicate our chronic pain to our partners, relatives and friends? We need not suffer alone – if only we communicate clearly our needs.
I just argued with my partner.
It was my fault.
I expected her to know that I was in pain and unwell but I had not told her.
I woke up, I rolled over and said good morning. Yet as the day went on, I became increasingly grumpy because I felt her expectations of me were too high.
She wanted me to do things – things that any normal, half-decent partner would do.
At the moment though, I don’t feel very “normal” and I haven’t done for quite some time.
Every morning, I wake up and some part of my body is in pain. Worse yet, multiple body parts.
Recently, my worst pain has been in my hands. They’ve been stiff, swollen and sore. The pain is almost unimaginable.
Thousands of fiery ants crawl beneath my skin and burrow down into my joints.
My injured back persists in grieving me. Four months of physio later and the herniated discs show no sign of easing.
My shoulders and my knees are also painful and achey today. Similar to my hands.
I assumed she would understand. That she would just know.
That’s where I went wrong.
It’s not that she doesn’t understand.
She doesn’t know that this morning I am in pain.
I can’t expect her to know as I haven’t told her.
Unfortunately, I’m in pain every moment but would I be any happier if she treated me like fragile china supposing I am always pained?
Taking a breath I remember that when she has known I am in pain, she has been an absolute angel.
She ran me a bath. She made me a coffee. She does the washing and the cooking. She has researched my health conditions.
As I lay in bed, staring at my hands in horror and pain, I realise could’ve been spending time curled up on the sofa with my lover.
My irrationality prevented that.
I needed to communicate.
Be open.
Lose the pride.