Self-discovery
Finding Your Mirror Can Help You See Your Own Reflection
It can be hiding in plain sight.
I rarely look in the mirror, especially when I was young. Even then, I was unsure of myself. I didn't like my own reflection.
For the same reason that I don't have a lot of photos of myself, even if I worked as a photographer, and when selfies became a thing, I never bothered to learn how to do them correctly.
The past two years have been difficult for me, and I know I'm not alone. One only has to check their newsfeed on Facebook, and you will find a friend or a family member struggling, more so when it all started almost two years ago when the world came to a halt.
I always struggle with my mental health. And in my generation, it wasn't talked about as much as it is today. If you ask the people who know me, they would say, "he was always sad."
In 2021, my Mom passed.
I still think of her every day, and while in the last 21 days of her life, she made sure that everything between us was alright. There are times I can be hard on myself, always sorry for the times that I wasn't loving to her. Being her companion during her dialysis treatments took a mental toll on my well-being in the last seven years of her life.
Today, I know that the whole experience is to remind me that when life appears to be difficult, it is to teach me a lesson.
One has to wait for it to be over, to appreciate that life is doing you a favor.
Months after her passing, there were days when I was confused about what to do with my life. The pandemic has made it worse, as there were times when I couldn't see anyone else and I didn't want to be a burden to anyone.
I know everyone else is struggling to understand what was happening. The constant lockdown and the threat of the virus were causing me anxiety. The only thing that kept me sane was writing.
A few days ago, I reached out to friends on a group chat. Except for the customary greetings during the holidays, I don't want to bother my friends with my feelings, or it could also be that I don't want to be bothered by how they are feeling, because I know if I learn that they are sad or sick, I will worry.
The friends on the group chat are either writers or filmmakers and after I said hello, I told them that I watched the movie, Drive My Car, a Japanese film and that it was beautiful.
I left a message that goes,
I miss our talks about movies, I would love to hear what you are watching lately?
And a friend gave me a list of the movies he had seen so far, and it started a live chat that lasted a good solid hour, talking about films, among other things.
After our chat, I felt happy, and it could be because I know that everyone is alright and my filmmaker friend still does what he loves, watching movies.
As I lay in bed, I know where the good feeling is coming from —
They are my mirror.
Limbic synchrony
In psychology, it is called mirroring — We subconsciously switch our body posture to match that of the other person — mirroring that person's nonverbal behavior and signaling that we are connected and engaged.
It is natural to mimic the person we are interested in. But, still, I found out what is helping me navigate through my feelings is that I have people around me who think the same, who like the same things as I do, and talk the same way I do, not that we are clones of each other, it is called synchronicity.
When I first met him, he mentioned that his father passed away in 2020, and while it is a painful commonality, I needed to hear it from someone who would understand what it feels to lose a parent.
Aside from sharing my love for books, his first gift to me was a book by Neil Gaiman. We mostly share the same ideas, especially when it comes to politics. We have more similarities than differences, and when I can't find the words, he supplies me with the word on my mind.
It is good to be with someone who has the same wavelength.
People come into our lives for different reasons, the same we come into other people's lives for reasons that can't be explained other than we are all connected.
While each one of us who lived through the last two years will share a common experience that we will never forget until our last breath, we need to find our tribe, a group of people, or a person who is our mirror, someone we can honestly share our feelings without fear that we will be judged because we know, they feel the same.
Each day I count him as a blessing. Of course, it didn't start that way, but my heart is full of gratitude to the guy I talk to each day, the laughs that we share, the meals we eat together, and the morning coffee to start our day.
He is the mirror that makes me look at my reflection. I no longer fear what happens next because, in plain sight, I am beginning to see myself now.
Thank you for reading.
Here are some of my stories, all complimentary.
👉The Manifest and the Final Destination, a Journey Worth Coming Prepared — Free Reading.
Death will come, but when it does it will still be a surprise. Yes, we should make plans only to lighten the load of those who will be left behind.
I no longer fear death. To me now death means — completion. And on the day that death will come for me, I wish that my epitaph will say,
Napoleon lived and loved. — Excerpt, 👉The Manifest and the Final Destination, a Journey Worth Coming Prepared — Free Reading.
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