Finding Your Happiness In Doing
How to stop buying stuff and start living
“To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.” — Bertrand Russell
When you think back on your best memories, what comes to mind? Is it the things you’ve acquired or the things you’ve done?
What makes you smile? Is it thinking about your home or car or is it recalling the experiences you’ve shared with people who matter to you?
We all like nice things. And that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with wanting nice things. It doesn’t make you superficial or materialistic. But it also won’t make you happy.
Don’t trade lasting fulfillment for temporary satisfaction
“Never give up what you want most for what you want today.” ― Neal A. Maxwell
Ever heard of retail therapy? Most of us perk up a bit at the thought of buying something nice for ourselves. A 2014 University of Michigan study found shopping can help restore a sense of control over your life. The sensory experience of shopping offers an escape from your daily grind. Just browsing can make you feel better because the anticipation that you might buy something releases dopamine in your brain, and that makes you feel good.
But these feelings are short-lived, and most of the benefit comes from anticipating buying something, not having the thing itself.
Even the joy of homeownership is temporary. Buying a nice house may improve your financial stability and give you an immediate sense of security and satisfaction, but those warm fuzzy feelings usually fade after a few years.
That’s because you tend to adapt to having the thing, according to University of Wisconsin-Madison real estate expert Mark Eppli. He told CNBC the excitement of making a major purchase, like buying a new home, naturally diminishes over time, and your happiness level returns to baseline. Eppli says this leaves you looking for the next new thing.
Acquiring stuff sucks up resources you could be using to do something more fulfilling
“Some things cost way more when we keep them.” ― Neeraj Agnihotri
Owning big-ticket items, like a house, can be expensive. Besides the initial down payment and monthly mortgage payments, most homeowners pay real estate taxes along with maintenance and repair expenses. Those obligations mean you have less time and money to spend on vacations, entertainment, and even eating out.
The same is true for things you buy that you don’t use very often. Financial writer Eric Tyson told Money Talks News that you should consider how often you are actually going to use something before you buy. Expensive items like snowmobiles, ATVs, and fur coats spend much of the year just sitting idle. Even less expensive stuff that you don’t use often may take up your time and space without giving you much joy in return. How often do you really use your soup taurine or wine carafe?
Too much stuff can take over your life
“In the never-ending battle between order and chaos, clutter sides with chaos every time.” ― John Robbins
Having too many things can drain your energy, sucking the joy out of your life. Everything you own has to be cleaned, maintained, protected, and even insured. Owning them creates a burden. That’s okay if the satisfaction you get from your stuff is greater than the cost of keeping it.
But when there’s too much stuff, it gets in the way of the things you genuinely need and treasure. Excess clothing takes up space in your closet. Boxes of stuff stashed in your basement or garage serve no purpose. Knick-knacks can add to your sense of clutter. Clutter won’t make you happy. In 2019 ABC News reported on several studies that found clutter increases stress, decreases productivity, and can even lead to unhealthy eating.
How do you know if you have fallen into the stuff trap?
“Your home is living space, not storage space.” ― Francine Jay
When it comes to stuff, more isn’t better. Have you ever bought something only to realize after getting it home that you already have one? Sometimes you buy something you don’t need because you have so much stuff you didn’t know what you had.
Another sign you have fallen is when you find you’re outspending your income. How are your credit card balances? High debt levels are a sign you need to examine your financial priorities and what you’re buying. In Forbes’ Money Builder, J.D. Roth says spending money you can afford to spend is fine. He warned, “it’s dangerous when you start spending more than you earn.”
If you’re spending more than you’re earning, it’s time to reevaluate your priorities.
How can you find happiness? The secret, it turns out, isn’t in what you have, but what you do.
“Memories are timeless treasures of the heart.” ―Unknown
According to psychologist Daniel Gilbert, people look for happiness in acquiring things when it would be better to focus on having experiences. He told The Atlantic, “We think that experiences can be fun but leave us with nothing to show for them.” Gilbert says that’s good because your happy memories last a lot longer than a new car or a great outfit.
A study, funded in part by the National Science Foundation, found that having new experiences, even seemingly small experiences, makes you happier than owning things does. One of the paper’s co-authors, psychologist Catherine Hartley says people feel happier “when they go to novel places and have a wider array of experiences.” She says even small changes in your daily routine, like taking a new route to the store or going for a walk, may make you happier than buying something will.
How do you transition from acquiring things to doing things?
“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.” — Charles Spurgeon
First, you need to evaluate your spending. Just what are you buying? What is prompting you to buy things you don’t really want or need? And ask yourself what else you could do that would scratch that itch.
Do you like to shop? Me too. And that’s okay. Shopping for things is an experience. Did you know it usually makes us happier to shop for something new than owning the item does? Marsha L. Richins, Ph.D. wrote in a paper published in the Journal of Consumer Research, “the state of anticipating and desiring a product may be inherently more pleasurable than product ownership itself.” That’s why window shopping is so much fun.
I knew a Turkish woman who came to the Midwest to visit her son. She would spend hours at the local Walmart just admiring all the things for sale there. She never bought anything more than a loaf of bread or a chocolate bar. But she loved sharing pictures of her shopping trips with friends back home in Turkey. Going to Walmart was part of experiencing America for her. It was the going that gave her joy, not buying all the stuff.
So, shop away! But if you’re taking your credit card or checkbook with you, make a list. And don’t buy anything that isn’t on it.
Define your goals
“The secret of happiness is freedom, the secret of freedom is courage.” — Carrie Jones
Whether your priority is to pay down debt, build up retirement funds, save for an important event like a wedding or family vacation, or just add some joy to your life, you should take time to consider what you want to achieve and how to use your money to get there.
Take a look at your budget and set some priorities. It’s okay to include some money for shopping for fun in your budget if that’s something you enjoy doing. Just make sure you set some realistic limits and keep track of your spending.
Make a plan. Just thinking about change doesn’t make it happen.
Remove temptation, or at least limit it
“Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.” ―Unknown
If you find you buy a lot of stuff online because you click on the sale emails and text messages from your favorite retailers, unsubscribe from them. Not seeing the “great offers” can help eliminate online impulse buying.
When you do shop, make a list and do your best to stick to it. This is especially helpful at the grocery store, where impulse buying can quickly add up. But it’s a strategy that also works at the mall or your favorite sporting goods store.
If you find you check your bank balance before making an impulse purchase, don’t keep extra funds in your checking or debit card account. After you pay your bills, move your money into a separate savings account. You can’t save up for a vacation if you keep spending the money on impulse buys.
It’s healthy to clear away some of the clutter. Just let it go.
“The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t.” ― Joshua Becker
Alice Boyes Ph.D. listed several benefits to decluttering in an article for Psychology Today, including reducing anxiety. Boyes says clearing out your space forces you to make a series of quick decisions about what stays and what goes. Just the act of cleaning up can energize you. Plus, it can create a sense of confidence and help you see yourself as more competent.
Do you have too much stuff? I know I did. Then I saw a television commercial for Goodwill asking for donations. The ad made the case that my unused stuff can help other people, even funding job training programs. I liked the sound of that. And I had way too much stuff. I’ve begun donating regularly. As I clean out another closet or cabinet, I fill a box with items to donate. Once or twice a month, I drive to my local thrift store and donate the items. You can find a list of Goodwill donation centers here.
It doesn’t have to be Goodwill. There are lots of places to donate the things you no longer want and let them do some good for others. For clothes, consider Dress for Success or Career Gear. To give away unwanted furniture, household items, appliances, and even building materials, contact Habitat for Humanity. For books, toys, clothes, electronics, and used cars, reach out to The Arc, which helps kids and adults with mental disabilities. Want to help American veterans? Give your stuff to AMVETS. (Bonus: some of these organizations will pick up the items from your house!)
Living a Happier Life
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama
Whether your goal is to save money, pay off your debt, or just live a better, more satisfying life, focusing on doing things rather than having things can significantly impact your happiness.
That’s because happiness derived from experiences is more encompassing and longer-lasting. A 2020 study published by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology concluded that people are happier with experiential purchases over material ones regardless of when you measure happiness: before, during, or after consumption.
We are socially conditioned to want things. Every day, we are bombarded with advertisements prodding us to buy something new. You’re surrounded by images and messages focused on the status of owning things. And it’s okay to have some nice stuff. But owning things won’t make you happy in the long run.
For that, you have to create some memories. So, ask yourself what you want to do next.