Finding the Joy of Going Places Alone
Welcome to the freedom of true independence.
Back in the days when I couldn’t fathom the thought of going somewhere without company, a friend of mine taught me two valuable lessons with one simple statement: I want to see the band.
She wanted to see the show, and she didn’t care if she had someone to go with her! She wasn’t going to miss the chance to live her life or do something she enjoyed, regardless of the people around her. I’ve never admired anyone more. It finally got me thinking why the heck not?!
Why are we, or why have we been, afraid to go somewhere in public all by ourselves? Is it because we don’t want people judging us with those stares? Is it because we don’t want to be approached by strange men who think we’re desperate? Is it because we don’t want the dreaded question Are You Alone?
What difference does it make? I’ve actually found a great deal of peace in finding the courage to go alone. Well, it’s not so much courage anymore as it is a conscious choice. As an introvert, I view it as an event I can enjoy without anyone else trying to ruin it for me by talking over the parts I want to see. And let’s assume I am somewhere alone, and someone is looking at me funny? “That’s right, I’m alone! I want to see the show and I don’t care if anyone is with me or not!” Okay, so I stole that from my friend, but it’s timeless, nonetheless.
I don’t feel the urge to share every single experience I have with someone. I participated in a Citizen’s Police Academy through my local police department for nine weeks; didn’t have a partner. I volunteered for the Active Shooter Drill; didn’t have a partner. Although, one older gentleman was shockingly cool about it. There I was, standing against a column, and he came over to me and asked, “Are you one who likes to be alone, or would you like to chat?” I kindly replied, “Thanks so much for asking, and I’m just fine. We can talk if you’d like, or you can re-join your friends over there.” And he let me be. That, alone, made me want to hug the guy! He showed empathy and interest without being a total creep. Five gold stars for him.
That rarely happens, though. However:
If I’m in the mood for a steak and don’t want to cook, I’ll take myself out for dinner at my favorite restaurant. The benefit to this is that I can have my dinner and a nice glass of wine in 45 minutes and go back home. When I have company, I have to adhere to someone else’s schedule and that same dinner takes three times as long.
If I get invited to a party and don’t have a date, I can show up when I want and leave when I’m ready. It’s so much easier to make the rounds and talk to everybody I know without having to introduce someone new to my existing group of friends. I can have my conversations with them and move on. When I have someone with me following me around meeting my friends, then I have to introduce them and listen to the same conversation over and over as we meander through the crowd. “What do you do? How do you know Jennifer? Where do you live?” My friend invited me to a party, and I want to see my friend. That’s all there is to it.
I went to a funeral alone for the first time earlier this week. Steve and I became friends when our mutual friend, Chris, introduced us a couple of years ago. Steve’s dad passed away unexpectedly. Normally, Chris and I would have gone together, but he moved out of state and couldn’t fly in for the funeral. I wasn’t going to miss paying my respects and hugging my friend just because I didn’t know anyone else. What’s interesting about this is that not once did it cross my mind to even ask anyone to go with me. I’m so accustomed to going everywhere alone anyway that it was just somewhere I had to be.
I’m not a fan of going to the movie theater, but if there was something I really wanted to see on the big screen, I’d go treat myself to that awesome movie popcorn and settle in where I want to. There is no debate over who wants to sit where or special accommodations. I’ll just find a place and plop my butt down!
Sure, the first year or so going to family events alone was daunting because everyone else is coupled. I’ve been the fifth wheel all my life. My parents had each other and my brothers had each other; I was the baby. Now that we’re all older, my parents still have each other, and both my brothers have their wives and two children. I’m still the one without a hand to hold or arm to grab. I don’t care anymore. I love my family and having them all to myself is just fine by me!
Haven’t been invited to a wedding in a while. Don’t anticipate it any time soon. If, by then, I meet a nice man who I’d like to take with me, great! If not, I can totally see myself going alone and finding a sweet old lady to dance with! She needs a break from her husband anyway…let’s walk on the wild side!
Vacation? Eh. I’m not really a vacation type of gal. I’d rather take a day off here and a day off there, but if the mood ever strikes to spend thousands of dollars to go somewhere to accomplish the same things I’d do at home, then I’ll grab my computer and rent a cabin on the lake.
Concerts! Not much of a concertgoer, either. My friend agreed to go with me to see Donny Osmond, but if she didn’t want to go, I would have been blissfully happy to see my greatest inspiration while sitting in the crowd alone. Besides, even if I did have a boyfriend at the time, what brain cell would indicate he’d even want to go?
And by the way — no one notices you’re alone anymore — they’re too busy looking at their phones, coupled or not. If it would happen by some nosey individual, then I will say, “Yes, and I’m having a marvelous time, thank you very much!” Clearly, if I wanted to bring someone with me, I would have brought someone with me. Have you ever stopped to think about that??
Or they would say exactly what I would: Good. For. You!
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