ALPHABET TRAVEL CHALLENGE

Finding Pleasure And Pain In Istanbul

A to Z of my favorite travel destinations — I is for Istanbul

He slapped me again and again as I sprawled out naked on the slab of cold marble. The sting of each slap on my wet skin almost made me cry out, but I bit my tongue and took each lash of the wet strips of cloth, that resembled a cat-o-nine-tails. When was this torture going to end?

Istanbul is the perfect blend of European, Middle Eastern, and even Asian cultures. It is a huge cosmopolitan city of more than 13 million people that straddles Europe and Asia and retains a lot of its old-world charm. It has been on the same site for thousands of years, first as Byzantium in the seventh century B.C. when it was founded by the Greeks, then Constantinople in the year 330 A.D., and finally Istanbul in 1930.

It’s a city of contrasts — ancient traditions and new technology, Asian culture and European culture, modern and vintage. For western tourists afraid to venture too far outside their comfort zones, Istanbul may be one of the best places to visit in that part of the world.

There are two main areas where tourists stay; Sultanahmet and Beyoglu (Taksim). I chose the latter and was glad I did. While Sultanahmet has most of Istanbul’s main tourist attractions, you can’t beat Beyoglu for its’ energy day and night, the shopping, and its diversity.

The main street that cuts through the district is Istiklal Caddesi, a wide pedestrian-only street with a streetcar track running down the center. Here you will find everything from big chain stores to small family-run shops that have been in the same location for generations.

Istanbul is easy to get around with an LRT network, buses, taxis, a few operating trams (streetcars), and even a funicular. But you can walk all over the oldest parts of the city.

Cross the Galata Bridge where fishermen gather every day to try their luck, while one level down is a mall of restaurants, most serving seafood.

I tried to see as much as I could, and among my favorite highlights was a visit to the magnificent Blue Mosque, a landmark on Istanbul’s low-rise old city skyline. The Mosque is massive and exquisitely constructed with inlaid marble everywhere, and beautifully painted vaulted ceilings.

You can’t beat Istanbul for shopping and the mecca for shop-a-holics has to be the Grand Bazaar, one of the largest and oldest in the world. It is actually spread out over 58 covered streets with more than 4-thousand shops that attract as many as a million visitors a day. If you can’t find what you are looking for in the bazaar or in the very busy shops all around it, chances are it doesn’t exist.

It isn’t cheap though, while bargains can be found, prices are just as high in the bazaar as anywhere else in Istanbul. I spoke with one shop owner who had four shops selling ceramics and dishes and he told me he bought his first shop 4 years earlier for 3 million Turkish Lira (about $160,000 USD in 2022) but he claims that he pulls in an average of 20,000 EUR every day, from just one of his shops. And yes I was surprised that he was willing to talk about the financial aspects of his business to a stranger.

I made my way to the Basilica Cistern also known as the Sunken Palace or Yerebatan Sarayi. The largest and most famous of Istanbul’s ancient subterranean cisterns was set up to store rainwater. But it was not what I was expecting.

It was like an underground cathedral. There is a giant pool of water, deep down in the bowels of the earth, and there are even fish swimming in it. They were put there by the Romans to warn them if their enemies tried to poison the drinking water. The fish would die first.

The elaborate decoration reminded me of an ancient basilica with all of its carved pillars and colored lights. At the base of two of the pillars are carvings of the head of Medusa on their side and upside down, discolored by centuries of algae growth.

What goes down, must come up so I next climbed the steps of Galata Tower, a massive stone tower with a circular staircase and a view from the top that is the best in all of Istanbul. You can see the tower as part of the city’s ancient skyline. There is also a place where you can stop for something to eat or drink and enjoy the view.

After a day of touring around, I felt like I needed some personal attention, so I stopped off at a well-recommended hammam in Beyoglu, just off Istiklal Caddesi. Visiting a hammam is definitely one of the things you MUST do when you visit Turkey and it was exactly what I expected… and more.

I entered the reception area which is set up to discourage any kind of communication among guests. Men and women are in separate areas, including separate entrances. And the reception area seating consisted of a fountain surrounded by salmon-colored, tufted velvet chairs, all facing outward. Don’t look and don’t speak. If there were more people here we could play musical chairs.

I booked myself in for “the works”, consisting of a full body massage, a head massage, skin abrasion, and of course… the bath. I really had no idea what I was in for.

I was led into a small cabana that had a single bed in it, but I wouldn’t be resting. I was told to strip down and wrap some cotton fabric around me like an Indian Lungi or an Indonesian Sarong and slip on the sandals that were provided. So far so good, I could do that.

I emerged from my cabana ready for my massage… until I saw the huge man that was going to be giving it to me… no pun intended.

He led me into the main room which was massive, with a big marble slab in the center. He put down a pillow for my head and another cotton sheet and told me to lie down… and then he left.

It was hot… I mean really hot… and humid… really humid. It was like a steam room, on a slightly lower setting. It wasn’t quite hot enough for steam but it was still very hot… and steamy. I lay down and relaxed staring up at the big domed ceiling and the dozens of tiny skylights that brought in a bit of light to the otherwise dark room.

It only took about 15 minutes before the heat started to take its toll. I finally got up off of my marble cot and walked back to the reception area wearing my wrap and asked, no pleaded, for some water. I was absolutely drenched in sweat. There was only one other man in there at the time but he didn’t seem to be sweating as much as I was. I downed a full bottle of water and laid back down waiting nervously for the masseur to make an appearance.

After another 10 minutes or so he came into the room and told me to follow him. We went out to another room with a smaller marble slab and he told me to lie down on my stomach. First, he soaped me up, head to toe, and then he started working me over.

It was the most intense massage I have ever had. I shouldn’t call it a massage, it was more like torture because it sure seemed like he was intentionally trying to hurt me. At one point I actually grunted a loud “ahhhhhhh” and not from pleasure but from pain. But I grinned and bared it for another 10 minutes or so while it lasted.

He ordered me to get up and follow him into another smaller room that was surrounded by several large sinks. I didn’t see anyone else in there but I could hear that there were others getting the same treatment I was.

He told me to sit down on the marble floor and he proceeded to pour hot water all over me. As I blubbered trying to catch my breath he started hitting me with a stick that had a bunch of fabric strips which he kept dipping in soapy water and slapping all over me.

He slapped me again and again as I sprawled out naked on the slab of cold marble. The sting of each slap on my wet skin almost made me cry out, but I bit my tongue and took each lash of the wet strips of cloth, that resembled a cat-o-nine-tails. When was this torture going to end?

When he did my face I couldn’t breathe. I was choking on the soapy water. So he started pouring more water over me, which only made it worse. I was sputtering trying to catch my breath.

Oh, the torture wasn’t over yet.

Next came the loofah mitt, the dreaded loofah that I’m sure was actually a 60-grit grade of sandpaper, which he used to scrub me down and not with a delicate touch. I’m sure he took off the top layer of skin but I didn’t know if that was supposed to be part of it. He soaped my red and raw flesh again, and again he poured more water over me to rinse off.

Then he stood there looking at me. A beat-up, naked, and a frightened 50-year-old man. Was he judging me?

I knew then it was finally over. I had a tear in the corner of my eye as I realized my punishment, for whatever unknown sin I had committed, was finally over.

He led and I followed as he handed me over to another man who had a bunch of towels which he dried me off with. He finally wrapped me up, one towel around my waist, another around my upper body, and a third which he tied on my head like a turban.

I was almost like a zombie as he led me back out to the reception area where he told me to have a seat and a cup of apple tea. Finally, a moment to catch my breath and relax. The reason I came to this hammam of horrors.

Oh, but I’ll be back.

Thank you for reading. For more of my favorite travel destinations, you can check out my list of stories: