Inspiration

Finding Meaning In Your Hard Times

I have been thinking lately about what it means to be human. We are born outside of our choice and then adapt rather slowly to live this thing called life. Despite our very different experiences in life, we find circumstances that we all have to go through.

Some of these things are essential tasks for our survival, such as sleep and eating a meal every day. And others are essential for our motivation to live. Such as love and happiness. However, when we reflect on our human experience, we will find we spend a lot of time suffering.

Through suffering, we can adapt quickly and begin learning how to avoid pain. For this very reason, we often allow children to learn the hard way for a few things. Such as allowing babies to fall over when they are trying to find their feet.

That is not to say we want them to fall. And we certainly do not want the baby to hurt themselves in the process. But, through falling, the child learns to begin clinging onto things to keep their balance. Then eventually, they can take their first steps without any assistance.

Resilience is at the core of humanity. And I speak a lot about this quality a lot in my article on leadership. You can read it here.

In short, resilience is the ability to adapt to change quickly and bounce back from adversity. In doing so, we can become better and reduce our suffering in the world. Like the baby who finally finds their feet through being resilient, we can do the same through our pain.

However, it can often be hard to find meaning in our suffering. At least the baby trying to find their feet as a motivator. That motivation being to want to stand on their two feet rather than crawl everywhere.

But when it comes to losing a loved one or going through a break-up, we may struggle to find meaning in it. At the time, it feels like life wishes to bear a heavy load on us. And this is where we accept that life is not fair, and we would probably be better off not trying at it all.

Despite our darkest hours, we still find a reason to get up in the morning. And although it may not feel like it, choosing to get up means we still have something to live for. Life is very fragile and often crumbles, leaving us feeling hopeless.

But in our suffering, we can still find a reason to live. And that reason is the meaning in our suffering. So, here are three things I have found we do as humans to find meaning in our suffering. Hopefully, you can apply some to your own life.

Keep the End in Mind

Whilst in hard times, it is easy to think of the short term. That is because we wish to solve the problem immediately. After a break up we have to try to heal, or else we will go to work in tears. And when we find ourselves in debt, we think of any quick fix to get ourselves out.

But our short-term thinking only blinds us from the bigger picture. Our suffering is hard and tiresome, but we do not find meaning in thinking in this way. That is because, at that moment, our suffering far exceeds anything we seek.

For example, when the baby falls over from trying to walk. It cries and boils up a fuss because they have hurt themselves. They forget all about the end goal of their suffering and deal with the pain.

But the baby does not stop trying to walk after falling once, twice, or three times. It continues to pursue walking because they are keeping the end in mind. By keeping the end in mind, we can focus on the good that may come out of it.

A perfect example of this is death. Although we do not like thinking about it much, it is a very true reality. We will die one day, and existence as we know it will be no more. It is a scary thought, and the end of our lives is very much something none of us wants.

Nevertheless, if there were a world without death, life would have no meaning.

Picture a world where no one is ever sad. It sounds great at first until you realise that it is not what we want. A world with no sadness means that people are always happy. And if happiness is the norm, then no one would truly appreciate it for what it is.

Death, just like sadness, is an unfortunate end to our lives. But in knowing that death is lingering over us at any time, we try to appreciate the value of life. By keeping the end in mind, we live our lives to the fullest holding nothing back.

That is why we often find those who have a limited number of days to live go and complete everything they ever wanted. Death, whether we like it or not, is necessary for life. Without it, life has no meaning. And it is the same in our suffering.

Even though we are sad, upset, and feeling low, we can assure ourselves that our end does not need to be suffering. Through our suffering, we can think of the bigger picture too.

Whatever it is, think what the end of your suffering could be. It may be a stronger you or a better society. And by keeping this end in mind, we can be motivated to continue living in our suffering. Carrying meaning with it.

Trust the Process

You have probably heard this one before, but it is true. Diamonds have to go through an intense process to come out looking beautiful. They are purified under immense heat conditions. Not only this, but they must be crushed, separated, and cut.

As you can see, diamonds do not go through the best process, but we know how beautiful they are in the end. And many things in our world are like this. They must go through a process of difficulty to come out as gold. And we often tend to forget this when we are struggling.

Some of the most successful individuals in the world have had a difficult upbringing. Whether due to poverty or bad parents, many children from adversity learn to turn their difficult situations around. Although the process seems unfair and challenging at the time, it is worth it in the end.

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” — Sigmund Freud

Many tend to get this quote confused by Sigmund Freud. It is not trying to say that our years of suffering are beautiful. I think we all know that is contradictory to our human experience. We all hate suffering.

However, what is beautiful is when we look back and see that we made it through. Sometimes, the process of life is unclear. We may plan to do something, but the course of life causes us to stumble upon struggles and ruin our plans.

But, our response to our struggles will determine if one day we look back and see them as beautiful or ugly. Whilst going through hard times, trust yourself to be able to conquer. Each one of us has an innate ability to be resilient and adapt to our circumstances.

So, trust the process of resilience and believe that you can bounce back from it. It may not be immediately, and it could take longer than expected. But in the end, it will be worth it.

Most importantly, you will look back and find that the process was worth going through. And that your years of struggle have caused you to bloom into a beautiful individual.

Have Something to Hope For

I remember coming across a rather sad quote by Friedrich Nietzsche. He says:

“Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.”

Friedrich Nietzche himself had a difficult childhood. He was diagnosed with a terrible illness young, and his father passed away when he was only a child. But through his many sufferings, he highlights that is why he was so clever in his book.

Hope is not seen as evil, and I do not believe it should be. At the end of the day, there is something that caused you to wake up today. And whether you are suffering or not, we all have hopes which drive us to carry on living.

And I do not believe they delay our torment. Instead, they allow us to bear it. Life is challenging, and we all go through hard times that we would avoid if we could. But in hard times, the hope that tomorrow will be better is what carries us through.

So, when faced with difficulty, write down your hopes. It may be as small as a good meal or as large as purchasing a new car. We would all end our lives if there were no hope, simply because we would have nothing to look forward to.

Faith causes us to set an alarm for the next day even though we are not guaranteed to wake up. And hope is the reason why we plan to get up the next day. We all hope for something, and in times of difficulty, our hopes become ever more vital.

Closing Thoughts

A perfect society with no suffering would be lovely. But there is something great to learn in our suffering. And that is that a life without suffering would not bring appreciation for a perfect society.

Things like hope, happiness, and gratitude are only fully appreciated once we embark on a path of suffering. So, despite life sometimes being hard to bear, we can overcome it by finding meaning.

And this comes from understanding that the end will be better than the current state. The process to the end makes us better individuals. And the hopes we have for life can keep us motivated to carry on.

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