Finding God Through Tantra

A six minute introduction to Tantra

Osho wrote about it in From Sex to Superconsciousness, David Deida wrote about it in Finding God Through Sex (splendid title), and now it is my turn.

Before we get into Tantra, we need to get into this…

I don’t consider myself to be part of any of the world’s religions, but if I go deep into who I am and have been during my life, it is not that outlandish for me to say: I am a lover of God. Let me clarify a bit. I don’t believe in God. That is, I don’t have a mental concept that I attach to. I don’t go round talking about God. I don’t even use the word God in any way very often. In fact, I have never ever used the word God four — now five — times in one paragraph.

My God is a direct experience, a human experience. An inner knowing. It feels sacred, meaningful, and primary. It is still. It is here and now. Beyond thought. Out of it comes creativity and inspiration. It is a wellspring of energy. It just is. There is not much more to say about it.

I could call it Spirit or Soul or Self or Pure Awareness or Consciousness or Atman. But, for some reason, I call it God. Perhaps just because I was brought up in the West, dominated by the Abrahamic religions.

So I am a lover of God. But please don’t think for one minute that I am in touch with this aspect of myself all the time — or even part of the time. I am just a normal person, living a pretty normal life — partner, kids, full-time job, Netflix.

But the desire — the longing — is always there.

So sometimes I go there. And I do that — when it comes — through meditation and running and free dance and even writing. But my primary — and most reliable — way to find God is through connecting deeply with my beloved.

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense.

(Rumi, of course — who else?)

So now we get to Tantra. What is Tantra? I would express it as:

Finding God (or whatever you want to call it) through deep connection with the beloved.

The literal definition of the word Tantra is “loom” or “weave”. I quite like “weave” in the sense of weaving together — the masculine energy and the feminine energy (more on that later). But better still I think is the etymological meaning (that is, the meaning derived from the root of the word). The etymological meaning gives “an instrument (tra) for expansion (tan)”.

Yes, an instrument for expansion. I love that. It is about using the relationship with the beloved to wake up. It is about using the intensity of the connection with the beloved to be present and alive to whatever is happening. It is about saying yes to whatever arises.

For me, as a cis heterosexual man, it is about devotion to woman and serving woman. Being a good man that the woman can trust. It is about using the relationship with the beloved to practice total honesty, openness, intimacy. It is about daring to love and be loved.

Tantra is about prioritising the love connection with the beloved. If it breaks by a harsh word or misunderstanding or some impatience, the Tantric practice is to become aware of the break quickly and reconnect to heal it. The love connection with the beloved becomes the normal state. In this way, you notice quickly when it breaks.

I love the word Tantra. I have toyed around with other terms such as Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Loving, and Divine Sexuality — but I always come back to the word Tantra. It encompasses so much more. It feels to me like it is a magic word in that no matter how hard you try you cannot fully grasp what it means. There is always in it some sense of the mysterious.

Within the Tantric relationship, the masculine has to have the courage to allow the feminine to arise and thrive.

Below is one of my collages — the theme is the divine feminine. In the below text, I use the word masculine to denote the masculine (yang) energy in man and woman and feminine to denote the feminine (yin) energy in man and woman.

I think, in our masculine dominated society, the masculine, deep down, recognises the power of the feminine, but can’t handle it or doesn’t accept it. It is too wild, too unpredictable, too uncertain. So the masculine tries to push the feminine down, suppress it. Better with control right, better with structure and order and domination. Better with force. But, clearly the masculine without the feminine doesn’t work, has never worked.

If we are to get back to some kind of equilibrium — in terms of our relationship to each other and our relationship to Mother Earth — the masculine has to have the courage to allow the feminine to arise and thrive while, at the same time, not suppressing or undermining itself. And then it is the feminine’s job to move into the space created by the invitation of the masculine — while, at the same time, saying yes to the masculine.

This is Tantra. The divine dance.

Over the years, I have come across many teachers (most of whom appear below in another of my collages) and read many books in the area of Tantra. Here are some recommendations (in no particular order).

Barry Long

In particular, Barry Long’s book, Making Love — a bit far fetched in the beginning (you’ll see what I mean if you read it) and very much from the angle of man as giver, woman as receiver. But it’s good material.

Book: Making Love

David Deida

When I went to see David Deida when he came to Stockholm, I had the sense that all the men wanted to be like him and all the women wanted to be with him. This was unsettling for me. However, I think he has some really good things to say and his writings have helped me a lot.

Books: David Deida, The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover and Finding God Through Sex: Awakening the One of Spirit Through the Two of Flesh

Ma Ananda Sarita

Some have said that she’s as close to Osho as you can get. So if you like Osho, she’s the one for you.

Book: Divine Sexuality

Charles Muir

Yoga man and invented — or at least popularised — Sacred Spot (G-spot) massage.

See Charles’ channel on YouTube.

Caroline Muir

Was together with Charles and in her memoir, she tells all.

Book: Tantra Goddess: A Memoir of Sexual Awakening

Charles and Caroline Muir

Together they wrote, kind of, the text book.

Book: Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving

Barbara Carrellas

Barbara Carrellas is famous, at least in my eyes, for having a full body orgasm on stage using breath alone.

Book: Urban Tantra

Mantak Chia

Chi Kung Master and founder of the Universal Healing Tao System. If you want to know how to become multi-orgasmic, start here.

Books: Multi-Orgasmic Man, Multi-Orgasmic Woman

John Maxwell Taylor

Eros Ascending by the Musician, Actor, and Playwright John Maxwell Taylor changed my life. It’s a deep, rich, and soulful account of Sacred Sexuality. After reading it when I was a young man, I said to myself: “That’s it. That’s who I am. That’s what I want.”

Book: Eros Ascending

Margot Anand

Actually I haven’t read any of Margot Anand’s work, but no list of Tantra recommendations would be complete without mentioning this leading authority on Tantra.

Book: The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers

Alex Vartman

Alex Vartman used to be into Non-Duality and then he discovered David Deida and got into Tantra. He is unusual but I do like him. He has founded a so-called Neo-Tantra movement.

Layla Martin

Layla Martin’s tagline on her website is: Epic Sex and Legendary Love. This is a good description of her work. You’ll find lots of great material on her YouTube channel.