Finding Courage to Be Yourself in a Big, Big World
Reading 100 books on ‘Developing Authenticity’ won’t help much
This is for you, if you’ve been living a half-a**ed, scared life.
Would you like to visualize where you would be if you continue?
Bronnie Ware, a palliative nurse who worked in hospitals caring for people in their last 12 weeks of life, wrote a book called ‘Top 5 Regrets of the Dying’. As per Bronnie’s research, the top regret for most people was — I wish I had lived a life true to myself!
You have an opportunity to avoid this regret, my friend. Seize it.
If what you need is courage, read on. Developing courage is a worthy endeavor.
If you haven’t lived your life to the fullest, it’ll take you time to figure out what’s missing.
Hint: See how you feel day in and day out. If you’re just feeling okay most times, it’s the right place for introspection.
Personally, I have had an on and off love story with courage.
Having lived across 5 countries, I have been able to channel courage in some environments but have often failed.
What if You Ask, ‘Is Courage Really a Big Deal?’
Yes, it is. Brendon Burchard is a world-renowned performance coach who has worked with the likes of Oprah. He described 6 high-performance habits for people who excel in any field.
“These are courage, clarity, energy, necessity, productivity and influence.”
Being courageous is the hardest habit to cultivate and is also a pre-requisite for the other habits.
Having courage requires you to sit with discomfort and confront your fears. That’s why most of us often fail despite lofty plans. Because we cannot confront wrong behaviors in ourselves and others.
Choosing comfort all the time is a sure-shot strategy to lose touch with your true-self.
Where Does the Courage to Be Yourself Come From?
Is courage something we are born with, or something we develop in response to our environment? It’s more of the latter in my experience.
When I joined the corporate world back in 2010, I remember being a nervous and scared newbie looking out for herself. Within the first couple of months, I started looking for guidance on navigating this new environment in a huge multi-national company.
I came across a person who was the senior-most executive at my location. He considered himself powerful and harassed me.
It shocked me to the core, as I didn’t know what to expect from the corporate environment.
I gathered some courage and enquired from colleagues if this behavior was normal. They told me it wasn’t, but this person was used to getting away with it.
I let him know my interest in him was merely professional and let it go. The reality was I found no examples of where someone had raised such a concern and the organization had appropriately addressed it.
It’s a sad reality such incidents don’t get reported most of the times.
For a naïve newcomer like me to get entangled in intense political drama by escalating this issue seemed like a tremendous risk. However, after 9 months in the organization, I took the risk and escalated because the person didn’t get the drift.
They fired him as a result, after a thorough investigation.
This proved to me we don’t need to change our core values to fit into an environment. If the environment is a fit, it’ll accept you for who you are. You just need the courage to take the risk even if it’s super scary.
How to Channel Your Inner Courage?
1) Introspection
Courage starts with introspection.
I’ve had so much going on in my life in the last 4 years since moving to Canada, such as a road accident, health issues, a baby. I didn’t have time to question if I was being my true-self. It was uncomfortable, so my mind was avoiding the truth.
Clarity requires clearing clutter from your life, so there is a capacity to think beyond the obvious daily grind.
It also requires being aware if what you are thinking helps you get better or if you’re running around in circles.
2) Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance implies not limiting your thinking and accepting the flawed individual you are.
Determined and fiery is how I would describe myself. This is how I saw myself before I moved to Canada. Since moving to Canada, I am considered a ‘really nice person’. This is not how I saw myself or want to see myself, but I was behaving this way.
Being kind is great, but you wouldn’t want to be someone who’s taken advantage of.
When your self-image is drastically different from how others see you, it shows a problem.
3) Call out the bullshit
Then comes the part where you set boundaries and stop accepting any bullshit from anyone.
This is a journey for me. I am getting outside my comfort zone by sharing my feelings more openly and respectfully. The reaction has largely been positive so far.
My biggest learning was not to become a jerk to confront wrong behavior. It doesn’t help you or the others.
4) Make peace with the worst
Finally, you must remember to accept the absolute worst-outcome of your decision.
I consider my life as an experiment, so I am doing what I know to do, i.e. experiment. Before you experiment, remember this.
You’ll feel much better when you are at peace with the worst thing that can happen, and what you’ll do in such a scenario.
Conclusion
Go be a lion, if it’s your true self. Even if you become a self-aware and a kind one.
Stop pretending you’re a cat!
Don’t lose your essence, as this makes you unique. This is crucial for your happiness. Follow these 4 steps to start:
- Introspect
- Accept yourself
- Don’t take any bullshit from anyone
- Make peace with the worst-case scenario
Then you’re golden. Wait, to be honest, I don’t know if you’re golden.
What I know is these steps will guide you to the right path. See where it leads.
Lucky for you, I have opened some free slots until May 30th to discuss your international career transition challenges. If you’re serious about excelling at what you do, please reach out via the link below.
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