Finding A Use For Useless Information And Wishing Upon A Star

It can be a devil of a job.

Over the years I seem to have acquired a plethora of totally useless information. For example, the reason men wear ties is to simply to conceal their shirt buttons. Where on God’s earth is that going to get me?

Or, how about the immutable fact that I have got more than the average number of legs? And? So what?

Here’s another for you, many years ago, out of nothing more than some weird, no doubt ego driven, curiosity I did some Mensa tests. I was duly informed that I was amongst the top two percent of the UK population. What on earth can I do with that apart from brag to lesser mortals for some sort of perverse, self-serving, totally unnecessary pleasure.

Now Grammarly have sent me a message telling me that I have used more unique words then 93% of users, that I am more productive than 87% of Grammarly users and more accurate than 66% of Grammarly users.

Well first of all that last figure doesn’t seem all that great, and hey ho diddledy doo dah, let’s bring out the champers to celebrate in grand style those totally useless, precious gems of information.

What I really want to know is the winning six numbers of the national lottery. That would come in very useful indeed at my time in life. Far rather would I be the wealthiest dumbass in the world than have to navigate the turbulent fiscal waters of advancing years.

And since I am in the totally unreasonable mood to make supercilious demands of Mister and Missus Universe, I might as well throw in the selfish desire to live forever. Let’s face it, there is absolutely no point at all in being stinking rich and suddenly kicking the bucket. One can but dream, I suppose.

In the highly unlikely scenario of me ever getting either one of the two desires fulfilled, all that is left for me to do is to see how far those ‘to die for’ Grammarly statistics get me here. I suppose at the very least it has inspired me to write this article, in which case I have found a use for that useless information.

What's more, I can have a little chuckle to myself and who knows, maybe one day I can tell my grandchildren how delightfully resourceful I was re-cycling otherwise useless things. In a world full to over abundant excess of precocious avarice, resourceful is nothing to be ashamed of.