MY TRANSGENDER JOURNEY

Finding a Job as a Trans woman: It's Complicated

But I am not a shrinking violet

I am a transgender woman. I have been out for over four years. I work in the construction industry, and I am trying to get out of that field. The problem with that is that I am not qualified to do anything other than the one specialty that I have been doing for over twenty years. I work with my son, and he doesn’t want to do this kind of work anymore either. I like the company that I work for, and I have been there for about five years. The money is good, and I have a fair amount of power to decide how the jobs go.

The problem with a small company arises when work slows down. I could see that work was about to slow to a halt. I have always been a hustler, and I don’t get broke before I take action. I decided to find a job.

What to do?

For reasons I don’t want to get into in this piece, I have not changed my name yet. This is a source of some stress in my life, but I have a plan. I knew that any job that I got would have to be in my legal name. I told some of my friends that I don’t care what they call me as long as the checks clear.

I applied to several service jobs, which are abundant in Florida. I didn’t hear back from any of those because I have no experience as a server or anything really. I have never worked in an office environment and have no office skills, so that avenue is not possible for me. I was about to look into physical labor jobs when I stumbled upon an ad on Craigslist of all places.

It was for a toll booth operator. They didn’t care about experience, so I applied. I got the job. I wasn’t in love with going to work in what some trans folks call “Boy mode.” Boy mode basically is a step back for a trans woman.

Boy mode basically is a step back for a trans woman.

I never really liked that expression. I am a girl so everything I do is in girl mode.

Orientation

I don’t own any men’s clothes, so I wore my most androgynous clothes to orientation. I don’t think anyone was fooled by me. I wasn’t hiding anything, and I don’t really seem like a cis/het man. I was set to be deadnamed ( addressed by my legal name). I haven’t heard that name much in the last four years, but I needed the money. I am planning surgery later this year, and I need some bill money while I am out of work healing. I showed up to the training class and was set to be a guy for a while.

I put my name on my placard, and I gritted my teeth and dealt with the deadnaming. I could tell that they were not fooled by my lame attempt at being a guy. The job is pretty simple really, you greet the customer then you take their cash and make the change.

Transexual

One of the main focuses of the training class was to hammer home one point that is a fundamental tenet of the company. No harassment whatsoever will be tolerated. No sexual harassment, no racist behavior, and as it turns out, no transphobia. I was all set to tolerate being misgendered and deal with the discomfort. I refuse to let a temporary inconvenience derail my long-term goals. They have a training video that has the production quality of a 1970s porn film, complete with the porn star mustaches. I cannot imagine that anyone learned anything from the film other than the company did not tolerate any sort of harassment.

After the film there was a test of sorts. As I went down the list of questions, I came across a question about whether it was ok to make fun of a transsexual. Ok, that term is dated, but it meant the world to me. A light came on in my head, and I realized that I would be able to be my true self in this job.

Uniform Form

I was feeling really good about this opportunity, then it came time to get fitted for uniforms. When I said I wasn’t fooling anyone, that turned out to be true. The really nice lady who was leading the training class handed out uniform forms. She left one for a man’s uniform and one for a woman’s uniform. I wasn’t totally ready to come out to an entire training class right then, so I just filled out the men’s sheet, but I thanked her for noticing. I have never been in a corporate environment, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Kitty lives

The class ended, and it was time to get ready to show up for our respective assignments. I waited for my opportunity and came out to the wonderful lady who ran the training class. I told her that no one calls me that name anymore. She asked what people call me, and I told her ‘Kitty”. She said “no problem” and ordered my new name tag. I floated out of the building.

Time to show up

Each toll plaza is a tiny microcosm of the corporate environment. There are roughly 20 people who work at the plaza I was assigned to. The trainee uniform is a white collared shirt and black pants with some non-slip shoes. I had the pants, some women’s black jeans. I needed the shirt. I ordered a women’s white collared polo. I showed up on my first day without any makeup on. I had some cute heart earrings, and that was about the extent of my feminine presentation. I had to sign into the system with my legal name, but after that, I didn’t see or hear that name anymore. They only knew me by Kitty. It wasn’t long until I was presenting as cute as possible.

Misgendering

I had never dealt with large-scale misgendering before so this was a new experience for me. I saw the plaza manager, and I told him my preferred pronouns, and that was it for him. As in any work environment, there are many different personalities. There were a few wonderful people who were on board from the get-go. There were some others who tried, and they would catch themselves and correct the pronouns, and I would smile and tell them that I understood. I was the only transgender person these people had ever met. Then there were a few folks who went out of their way to misgender me. I figured that could happen so I just pretended that it didn’t hurt me. It hurt a lot.

Ingratiating myself

I am a very outgoing person, and I really love people (mostly). I immediately connected with a few of the people there, and I got to know them well quickly. Those people included some folks from group two, they wanted to get it right, but it takes time. Then a funny thing happened over the first two weeks, peer pressure. The ones who seemed to enjoy misgendering me slowly stopped doing that. I cannot say for sure, but I believe that the wonderful people who gendered me correctly when I wasn’t around kinda made the misgendering folks feel odd misgendering me. After a couple of weeks, I didn’t hear “he” at all. Now once in a while, someone might say “yes sir” then catch themselves and say “ma’am”. I would smile and say that it was ok because it was ok and I knew they were trying.

I met three of the most wonderful people ever while I was there, and I intend to stay in touch with them. One such woman was a young girl I’ll call Susan. Susan was on board on day one. I immediately noticed that Susan had a beard shadow. I would never bring it up, but I knew if she would let me, I was gonna help her. Eventually, her condition came up in one of our conversations. She has PCOS. I am familiar with this affliction for a couple of reasons. One is because my electrologist suffers from it, and another is as a transgender woman I know that the same medication that is used for PCOS is used to pause puberty in transgender children. I had to do something.

Fundraiser

I had never done any fundraising so this was a new experience for me. I started a gofundme for her laser treatments. I got zero dollars from that part of the fundraiser. I also put the arm on my friends, they came through, and we raised one hundred seventy-five dollars of the two-hundred-fifty for her first treatment. I didn’t tell her I was doing this fundraiser and I was nervous that I was overstepping by getting involved in her very personal business. It came time to tell her and give her the cash. I was so nervous and excited. I am not well off, but I have several “nieces” that I have helped over the years with some cash here and there. I had never had a cisgender niece.

I was on break, and she was the acting supervisor that day. I decided the time was right. I called her into the break room, and I pulled out the cash. I told her that I thought she was a wonderful young woman and that I wanted to fund her treatment. It could not have gone better. It was all we could do to keep from breaking down in tears. We were both trying to keep it together, and she asked me if she could hug me, and of course, I said yes. I cannot begin to tell you how amazing I felt at that moment.

Acknowledgment

I have always tried to excel at anything that I do. This opportunity was no different. One of the things that they ask each toll booth attendant to do is to “sell” e-pass transponders. The toll road that I worked for is the last attended toll road in the country. Of course, there is a time limit to that. They want everyone to get an e-pass. I am trans, and I probably should have just kept my mouth shut and done my job, but that is not me. I was unloading those things like they were going out of style. The average toll booth attendant would sell a couple a day, some would sell as many as ten once in a while. I sold 17 on my first day unsupervised in the booth. I got that number twice. I was the leading seller. I could get a tourist to get one of those things.

I had fun doing it, and it was a very high-intensity operation. It takes about 3 minutes to do the button clicking to get one of those things to a customer. Most people have zero patience for any delay. I would start off by telling them that I needed a blood sample; they would realize that I was joking and then fill out the form with their phone number and email address. Occasionally someone would honk, and I would assure the customer that those folks were not on their way to scrub in on emergency surgery. I enjoyed it, and it made the day go by quickly.

Recognition

The company started a program where anyone could recommend someone else for recognition from the company. I didn’t know that someone had submitted my name to the company for recognition. Then this happened.

I had left my position by the time this was posted, but Susan sent it to me. She said that she was the person who submitted this for me. She did not know that I was going to fund her treatment when she sent this in. I now realize that I selected the right person to help. I meet the most wonderful people.

Parting Thoughts

Being a sort of passing transgender woman looking for a job can be terrifying; for whatever reason, I don’t get scared often. I of course was super nervous, but I have a plan. I do not understand why my transition has been so easy for me, but I am super happy that it has gone well. I am terrified that it is open season on queers in Florida, but I will not let fear of uncertainty deter me from my mission. I will not minimize the fear and uncertainty, but I cannot go back into the closet. I won't let hate beat me. At every turn, I am reminded that there are more wonderful people than there are buttheads. I would see about 300 people every day in the lane. These people fell into three groups. Group one was the people who didn’t know, or didn’t care I was trans, this was the largest group. Group two, usually younger people, knew and were supportive; I got several compliments on my presentation. Then there was group three; these people noticed and made a point of misgendering me. This group was almost non-existent. Being a semi-passing trans woman in the public eye can be scary, but I am not a shrinking violet.

Go forth and slay.

Love, Kitty