Self Love & Relationships
Finding a Compatible Relationship Begins in the Bedroom
I’m single. I want a relationship. Where do I start? By building a room for two.

When I moved into my first apartment in Dallas, I didn’t have a bed. I didn’t have any furniture. My move from Michigan had been 6 months earlier, during which time I stayed with my sister and her husband in their fully furnished home.
I also had no money. I had just gotten a job, but I spent all of the money I had on the rent and deposit for my new digs. My brother-in-law was kind enough to drive me across town to pick up a couple of free mattresses from someone who seemed credible and dare I say it bugless.
I stared at the mattresses. They looked clean. They seemed decent enough, but it was rough taking someone else’s giveaways. Someday, I promised myself, someday I will have a bed and mattresses of my own.
Fast forward 4–6 months. I’m a proper city girl now, I tell myself. I’m making money. I’m feeling more confident. My home is mostly furnished. I begin online dating again.
I’m a romantic in search of a lover. Not a mate, per se. I have things to do, places to go. I’m busy, but I want someone to have fun with. I go on dates. I talk to people. Dating is hard. I rapidly burn out from searching.
Feng shui to the rescue
One day, I’m reading an article on feng shui that tells me something I hadn’t thought of before: preparation for another person in my life is the best way to find a person that suits me. Specifically, prep in the bedroom.
Feng shui is all about energy. Energy that I can feel and some that I can’t. It’s about awareness and intention. It’s about opening up space for the things that matter to me.
I’m still sleeping on my free mattresses on the floor.
So I do what any self-respecting human does in these cases: I surf Pinterest and the four corners of the web looking for bedroom ideas.
This is what’s trending:

Is this your bedroom?
It is gorgeous. It’s airy and light. It’s perky and zen at once. But it is not feng made for two. If this was my dream bedroom, I would have allowed myself to have it. Instead, I decided to give good energy a chance.
The four posters of a room made for two
- Start with a sizeable bed. I bought a queen bed frame and mattresses of my very own. It didn’t need to be a Cali King; anything but twin-size, please. The quickest way to turn away a partner is to bring them into a room with a bed that consists of rolled-up blankets on the floor or doesn’t have space for them to fit comfortably. I made room for a partner in my life by providing a resting and romping zone for two.
- Center the bed on one wall. I took advantage of the good energy and aesthetics of a symmetrical layout by centering the bed in the middle of a solid wall. The look of evenness on both sides creates space for a relationship between equals. I made room for a healthy relationship by opening myself and my space to the concept of equal partners.
- Practice co-habitation with intentional decor. I got two nightstands, two lamps, an even number of pillows, and matching rugs on either side or one big rug below to cover my hardwood for post-bed, pillowy footfalls. One bed, two usable spaces. I made room for a companion by creating space for what I wanted and allowing that space to draw to me my ideal.
- Get comfortable. I took my time. I saved for silky soft sheets and a decadent duvet. I added a potted plant, which I rapidly killed. I looked up my birth element in feng shui and tried different color schemes. I put my stamp on my bedroom which had room for two when it mattered. I made room for a lover by loving myself enough to make my space my own.
Inspired in love

First, I fell in love with my bedroom. Then, I fell in love with a lover that surpassed my dreams. I hope that for you today.
Big Love to all you lovers out there.
I’m Brett Jenae Tomlin, The Anxious Enthusiast.
If you love, love, love my writing and want to shout out, “You get it, anxious girl!” You can contribute to my cookbook collection here or join Medium to put your own stamp on the web and the world. I get a little love if you use my link ^^





