Summary

The article outlines a method for individuals to identify and prioritize their personal values through introspection and mindfulness exercises.

Abstract

The article "Find Your Values! One Simple Exercise to Know Your Most Important Values" emphasizes the significance of understanding one's personal values and how they shape our decisions and reactions. It suggests that by being mindful of our emotions, particularly in moments of stress or discomfort, we can begin to uncover what we truly value. The author provides a practical exercise involving writing down what is important, scoring each item by importance, and then reflecting on how much time is spent on each value. This process is intended to align one's actions with their values, leading to greater self-acceptance and freedom. The article encourages honesty and acceptance in this journey of self-discovery and offers additional prompts to facilitate deeper introspection.

Opinions

The author believes that values are inherent in every individual and are formed through life experiences.
There is an emphasis on the importance of accepting one's current values without judgment as a step towards personal growth.
The article posits that honest self-reflection is crucial in identifying and acknowledging values that may be considered negative or undesirable.
It is suggested that recognizing and aligning with one's core values can lead to a sense of liberation and purpose.
The author shares a personal anecdote about the relief and clarity experienced after accepting a value centered around the opinions of others, illustrating the transformative power of self-acceptance.
The exercise provided is presented as a tool for readers to gain insight into their actions and motivations, potentially leading to changes in behavior that better reflect their true values.
The article implies that discrepancies between one's values and daily activities could be a source of frustration and that addressing this misalignment is key to personal satisfaction.
The author encourages continuous self-awareness and self-love as part of the ongoing process of understanding and living by one's values.

Find Your Values! One Simple Exercise to Know Your Most Important Values.

You are late for an important meeting and stuck in traffic! What do you think? Are you letting your boss down? The team? Yourself?

Values? What’s with all this values stuff? What are they? Why do I care?

… is what you would ask me, and I will answer all of these questions and maybe more ;). Let’s get into it.

Values?

Yes! Values. Everyone has them. You, me, your parents, the guy that plays football, and the guy that sells shawarma. Values are what is behind our decisions and our reactions. We learn them during our life and dictate what is important for us.

For instance one of my values is to have control. That is why I go to the gym, and that is why I feel anxious when I am stuck in traffic and have no control over it.

Awesome … but Why do I care?

Values are, somewhat, of two types, the ones that you have, and the ones that you WANT to have. It is important to discover what are your values. For this, you need two things, acceptance, and honesty.

It is important to accept that your values, at least until now, have been out of your control. Values have developed from your life and experiences. They are part of what you are. Rejecting them is like rejecting yourself.

Accept your values. Accept who you are. And be honest.

Be honest with yourself. It is ok to have values that you don’t like, of you think are “bad”. And it is hard to acknowledge that.

For instance, one of my “bad” values is other people’s opinions. It is important to me to be admired by other people. I always think about what others would say if I would get some specific clothes, or a specific car, or get out with my family. I would, often, forget to be present in the park with my children. I was wondering how would the others admire me because I was playing with my children. It was hard for me to acknowledge and accept that. It was hard for me to be honest with myself and say that is the case.

What happened after I accepted that was awesome. My heart felt ten tonnes lighter. It was like I told this very big lie all my life, and now It is over. I was true to myself.

Honesty does that. It is a very steep fence to climb, but on the other side are just clear skies and soft clouds and when you get to the top you have already learned how to fly. So you can just soar, weightless, and free.

That is why you might want to care. Discovering your values will offer you an insight into the purpose of your actions. Accept that and you will accept yourself. Accept yourself and you will be free.

OK! OK! You got me. So? How do I do it?

The short answer is “Be mindful”!

Every time we get into a state where we feel angry, or anxious, or ashamed something has happened to us, or we did something, that is not according to our values. When you find yourself in one of those situations, and you become aware of your feeling start asking questions.

What is the purpose of this feeling? What caused me to feel this way? What am I afraid of? What needs to happen so that I won’t feel this way anymore?

Answering those questions will reveal what is important to you. The answers will help you uncover your needs and. most importantly, your values.

You are stuck in traffic and you feel anxious? What is it you are afraid of? Are you afraid of missing not getting on time to work? What are you afraid of happening if you don’t get in time to work? Are you afraid that your boss will be mad at you?

This is very hard to do. Especially when you are covered with those feelings. That is why I give you a more simple exercise.

The exercise

Get a piece of paper and write down what is important to you. Once you are finished, write some more. Once that is finished, write some more. You should stop once you have reached more than 15 items on the list. If it is hard you could ask yourself questions like :

What frustrates me and presses my hot buttons?

What gets me out of bed in the morning?

What’s really important to me?

After that associate, an “importance” score to each item. From 1 ( most important ) upwards ( least important ).

After that rearrange the list by importance.

And voila! Your values!

You can go a step further and check how much time of a week you spend on each item there. This way you may realize that some parts are more important to you but you spend less time on them. That might be a source of frustration.

Continue to be present and aware.

Continue to know yourself.

Continue to love yourself.

If you liked this article and it helped you in any way, then I would love it if you would buy me a coffee ❤️☕️.

Or, if you want unlimited access to all Medium content, feel free to use my affiliate link. It’s 5$/month, and I would receive half of that.