Atomic Habits for Finding Your Tribe

3 simple steps to ending social isolation

When you are around those who love you, you feel wanted and needed. They enjoy your company. And you enjoy theirs. They provide you with a shoulder to cry on when needed. And you then do the same for them. This is when you are part of a community.

When you don’t have a community. When you don’t have your tribe. Things are bleak. You feel isolated. You feel alone. You feel like if I didn’t exist the world wouldn’t be any worse off.

You experience a sense of being swapped by a heavy consuming thick blackness. You preoccupy yourself with time-wasting gap fillers. You watch a lot of tv. You eat a lot of bad food. You smoke. You drink. You remind in toxic relationships. All with the view of removing that feeling of insignificance.

If you experience any of this you. You need your tribe.

Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them and it will change your life

— Any Poehler

You will find your community in areas where you have your talents and interests. These common interests will forge the initial connection. They build trust with people.

1. Deep Dive With Yourself

Firstly get your own house in order. Do this step before you venture out. This will provide the base from which to find your tribe.

Self-Assessment — Where Are You at

Mentally assess where you are with the following:

· Do you experience loneliness?

· Do you feel isolated?

· Do you feel disconnected from others?

If you answered yes. Then read on.

Your Way Forward is Through Your Childhood

When you were a kid you went towards those things which you liked. Also to those things which you were good at. You were born with innate talents and tendencies.

Think back and remember those things you use to do when you were a kid. Bring to mind those things you gravitated towards.

If you cannot remember, ask your parents. What sports were you involved in? Did you like drawing and art activities? Did you play the piano? Did you like dancing? Did you use to ride your bike?

Ignite Your Passions

Mentally note those things that you are interested in right now. You may have interests in things that you are embarrassed to share with other people. You may have an interest in something that you have never pursued.

Armed with things you had gravitated towards when you were a child. Plus, those things that you are interested in now. You are much better positioned to find your tribe. As it in these areas where you will find your community.

2. How to leverage your existing networks

You want your tribe to be with like-minded people. But where do you find these people?

Social Media and the Internet Aren’t All Bad

Social Media platforms have ready-made communities. You can easily connect with at the click of a button.

Facebook groups and Meetup are great ways to join established groups. Join those groups in your areas of interest. In your online groups, ask questions about how to pursue an interest. Share your failures and triumphs. The key is to reach out to others.

Go along to Meetup events. Share your journey when developing your pursuit with others in the group. Attend the meetups regularly.

You will find that others will reach out to you. People will encourage you. This is the start of building connections with others. Through these connections, you will feel a sense of belonging.

You May Not Like Them but Go There

You may be overlooking the easiest (or hardest) networks that are existing right in front of you. Those being your friends, family, and work colleagues.

It’s right under your nose

- The Sydney Morning Herald, 1856

For example, a dear friend of mine had recently finished writing a book. I didn't even know he started writing a book. Let alone an interest in writing. Also, he didn’t know I had an interest in writing. At the time I had recently started writing. I mentioned to him that I had started writing. From there he told me about so many resources that are available for writing. This then translated into me connecting with my writing community.

When speaking with your existing network, share with them your new interests. Putting yourself out there will then allow people to respond in kind. Through action, connections are made. And your community is established.

3. Call to Action

When all is said and done, if you don’t physically put your plan into action the pain of isolation will continue. When the desire to act is greater than your sadness you will act. However, I would encourage you to act before this.

I told someone that I was interested in writing. So they told me to write an article. I wrote my first article 4 months ago. The notebook with my article sat on my bedside table for several months. I started to research online on how to share my article. This is when I came across Medium. And the rest is history.

I am now connecting with other writers. I give writers ideas. Writers give me ideas. It feels amazing to connect with others.

What Is Stopping You?

Not having your tribe is not about others. That you want a tribe and you don’t say something about you.

This may be hard to take. But the issue isn’t others. It’s you. The issue is your inability to connect to others. But at a deeper level, you are disconnected from yourself.

You may be holding back from sharing your interests and hobbies. This could be due to fear of being judged. It’s not the judgment itself that is the problem. But more avoiding the feelings of fear and anxiety.

Another reason may be due to negative experiences. This trauma has wounded you inside. Which inhibits you from following your passions. And hence not connecting with your community.

For example, for years I had dreamed of writing but never did. I asked myself why is this happening. I remembered when I was young. I wrote an essay on Gandhi. I thought I did a great job. I was so proud of it. I thought when my mum got home, she would love it as well.

But instead, she came home stressed. When she read it, her negative comments slammed me to the wall. Her comments were scathing. Not only that, my grandma thought it would be a great idea as well to chime in with some negative comments. I was shattered and confused. I felt ashamed. So, I put my pen down. I gave up writing for over 33 years.

Whatever your issue may be identify it. And work with it. Acknowledgment is the first step to moving forward. And it’s this recognition that will set you free.

Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set your free

— Eckhart Tolle

Your Action Plan to Move Forward

When you are feeling inhibited. When you simply don’t know where to start. Following a written action plan will allow you to move forward.

Your plan is:

What do you like to do

1. Self Assessment — assess where you are at

2. Interests and Hobbies — identify your current hobbies and interests.

3. Childhood talents — note those things that you had a natural tendency towards when you were a child.

Leverage existing networks

1. Social Media — connect with existing groups that have similar interests

2. Family Friends and work colleagues — see if there are anyone in your existing network that has similar interests

Call to action

1. Barriers to Entry — Identity what is stopping you to act.

2. Follow the plan

Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is only potential power. Action is power

— Tony Robbins

People are social beings. When you experience the connection with people you feel love and enjoyment. Your plan will launch your life on a new trajectory when you put it into action.

You will join your community through connections with like-minded people. Your innate talents and interests plus social media and existing networks will allow you to tap into the various communities. Work your way through your emotional blocks.

Your personal development journey is one of self-discovery and expressing yourself. Dare to dream.