If you’re looking for peace of mind this is how you get there

Finding peace of mind starts with looking inside and taking control of your own emotions and reactions.

by: E.B. Johnson

Though the world tells us that our inner peace is defined by the money in our checking accounts or the number of friends on our Facebook, nothing could be further from the truth. True inner peace and contentment can be found only through self-reflection and the understanding that we alone are responsible for our own joy. That’s a hard truth to come to, however, when you’re swimming upstream against the chaos of everyday living.

If you want to be happy again — if you want to find a lasting sense of inner peace that is undisturbed by the actions (or inactions) of others — you have to start looking for it within, and let go of your emotional attachment to the impermanent outside world. Finding inner peace starts with accepting responsibility, but it also starts with changing our perspectives and the way we view ourselves in the world around us.

Contentment isn’t what you think it is.

Our inner peace is a delicate thing, and it can often be thrown off balance by the chaos of daily life. Finding true and lasting is a journey, that takes time and intimate know-how to master — but that gets lost in the superficiality and topsy-turvy way modern life seems to operate.

It is common to believe that your happiness depends on the situation you find yourself in, but nothing could be further from the truth. Your happiness and contentment isn’t being destroyed because of what isn’t going right or wrong. It’s being destroyed because you’ve not yet discovered the true root of happiness in this life.

True inner peace comes not when you allow your emotions and inner peace to be ruled by the circumstances that surround you. Rather, the true key to finding inner peace comes down to recognizing the sorts of events that lead to unpleasant experiences and emotions, and learn how to rework the way you view them, approach them, and react to them.

How perspectives impact our inner peace.

If you’ve found yourself stuck in the trap of letting your inner peace be ruled by external elements, you’re not alone. It is natural to believe that our material wealth, prestige and relationships are at fault for the way we feel; but that just isn’t true. Though everything from politicians to traffic and illness impact our emotions, we are the only ones ultimately in control of our emotions and the way we react and interact with the world around us.

Knowing that you are in charge of your own destiny can be uncomfortable, but it is truly our internal perspective that lays the foundation for our overall wellbeing. Anything else that delays us, distracts us or limits us is little more than a challenge — a chance to overcome and better ourselves through learning, perseverance and compassion. If you’re looking for inner peace and you’re looking for it in the hearts, arms, or beds of other people, places and things, you won’t find it. True inner peace and emotional equanamity can only be tapped from within.

Where things get lost.

So, if this is where our happiness truly comes from — where did that truth get lost? If happiness and contentment are so inherently natural, why are we not blooming with excitement each and every day, despite what comes our way?

A lot of that comes down to our primitive brain and the continuing evolution of the human mind. “The limbic system has been there longer than the prefrontal cortex,” says Dr. William Ferraiolo — author of Meditations on Self-Discipline and Failure: Stoic Exercises for Mental Fitness — “…it’s quicker and more powerful in many ways. If we’re not careful and attentive, it can send us into really powerful emotional states that are not conductive to good behavior.”

For centuries, stoics like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus preached the value of finding happiness within, but those values got lost over centuries of human social trends and self-limitation. While technology has advanced greatly, the cornerstones of humanity have not, making it necessary to find our way to happiness again by getting back in touch with what really matters: ourselves.

The life-changing ways you can reconnect with your inner peace.

You might be here because you’re finding yourself constantly angry, or you might be here because you feel restless, anxious and ill-at-ease in the world around you. Whatever the reason, it is possible to find your inner peace again; it just takes a deep dive into the waters of self-refection, as well as a lot of radical self-acceptance and compassion. If you want to find contentment start with these simple techniques to build up your belief in self again.

1. Get honest with yourself

Change always starts with a big dose of honesty. If you’re unhappy, you need to sit down and get familiar with the things, situations, circumstances or personal behaviors that are making you feel that way. Spend some time figuring out what part you’re playing in your unhappiness and make the decision to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Develop a mindful journalling practice that allows you to develop an accurate means of self-assessment, helping you et to the root of what’s going wrong and what part you can play in making it right.

Get brutally honest with yourself about yourself, and drop the blame game or the need to shift responsibility for your life onto someone else. No one is perfect and everyone is struggling to become something better than they are. Accept your flaws and embrace them as a stepping stone into a brighter future. No one gets it right the first time, and no one should. It’s accepting our flaws that helps us find enlightenment and ultimate truth and inner peace.

2. Learn how to control your mind and actions

Our minds can be tricky things, with a tendency to focus on the negative more than the positive. Getting stuck in this sort of negative feedback look is known as rumination, and it is incredibly toxic when it comes to creating any sort of growth or happiness in your life. If you want to find peace, you have to learn how to control both your mind and your actions, but that’s an art that takes time and compassion to master.

Recognize negative thoughts for what they are and cut them off early by either distracting yourself, or reframing those negative thoughts with positive ones. Ask yourself probing questions about why you’re thinking the way that you are, and try to release the judgements that you have about the situation (whatever it may be). The more you focus on the negative, the more negativity you’ll attract into your life. Don’t let your happiness and inner peace be the victim of your own silly self-sabotage.

Once your thoughts are under control, you will be better able to start controlling the negative behaviors which undermine both your self-esteem and your overall wellbeing. When we think negatively, we behave negatively; so, you have to reframe your thinking to reframe those negative behaviors that are tearing you and your relationships apart.

3. Start training your brain

According to Dr. Ferraiolo, it is possible to retrain the mind in such a way that you can — over time — cultivate true and lasting happiness that is not impacted by the people and situations around you. While it takes continual work, it is possible to train your mind to focus on the good and look differently at the challenges life throws our way. In just minutes a day, you could be on your way to true and lasting happiness; but it takes a little bit every day.

Spend a few minutes each day reminding yourself that your happiness is defined by you and you alone. Short, succinct and pithy reminders like affirmations can help bring you into this mind-space every day and help to enforce the feelings of powerful sovereignty that are so important to our happiness.

Focus on phrases or thoughts that allow for the emotions you’re feeling, but also put them in the brief and limited space where they belong. Phrases like, “Ok, I know you’re angry but that won’t solve this problem,” are a good place to start, but you can also get straight to the point with something like, “Is this emotion going to add anything to this situation? No? Then leave it at the door.”

Putting it all together…

If you’re looking for true inner peace, you have to start looking for it from within. True contentment and happiness comes not from the amount of material wealth we have, or the number of friends and family members we are surrounded by. It comes from celebrating who and what we are and realizing that the only person in control of who we are and how we’re feeling is us.

Find your inner peace and contentment by retraining your brain and learning to look at things from a new perspective. Our negative thoughts often consume us, but by reshaping the way we look at life’s challenges, we can transform those negative thoughts and beliefs into positive ones. Get honest with yourself about where you’re at, what roll you’ve played in getting there, and how you’re feeling. Tomorrow can be a better day, but you have to step up to the plate and start getting honest about what brought you there. Inner peace doesn’t come from the outside world. It comes from within. Find it so you can find your ultimate joy and happiness again.