Finally — The TRUTH About George Santos!

At long last America — here it is

There is no question that newly elected New York Congressman George Santos has outrageously lied about his past, and now we finally know the reason:

During his campaign, George Santos was a political embed for the satirical magazine The Onion.

If you know The Onion, you are aware that it has been one of the finest producers in the publishing world — both in print and online — of satirical humor. In the political world, it holds a position of classic singularity, presenting both real and fabricated events in the most humorous, satirical ways.

Originally founded in Madison, Wisconsin by two University of Wisconsin students, it is currently located in Chicago. However, from 2001–2012, their editorial offices were located in New York City, and that is where Mr. Santos first became aware of The Onion. As a young twenty-something, he submitted many articles to the magazine that were ultimately turned down. He would often show up in person, floating one idea after another, but he became such a nuisance that he was finally barred from entrance into the building.

But last year Mr. Santos approached The Onion with an idea, according to current supervising editor Clarence Lackluster, that sounded interesting.

“He came in here all hyped up,” Mr. Lackluster explained, “said he had a boffo idea — he would fabricate an entire bio, and then run for office on it. At first I thought he was crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It would be like real live political satire — offering complete political horseshit in the truest sense — tested out in the real world! How better to show — to express — what we were trying to do, but to do it live — for everyone to see in real time!”

“Others have tried it before him, perhaps, but no where near to the extent of Santos,” Lackluster pointed out. “He has just an amazing talent — truly creative — he simply can come up with more lies than he knows what to do with, so we decided to back him up financially. Honestly, he was so outrageous we thought he wouldn’t stand a chance of winning, but the thing is he pulled it off! He won!”

In reality, Lackluster found the whole experience frightening, and said he knows The Onion bears some responsibility for creating this monster. And, he noted, Santos is having so much fun with it, he doubts he would ever resign.

“The problem is,” he added, “if Santos gets away with it, it will just encourage other people to do it — we’ll end up with a whole congress in need of support from Liars Anonymous. I mean, there are a few right now who could use it — but the whole crew? — that just wouldn’t be good for America.”