avatarTullia

Summarize

Finally, A Publication Dedicated Solely to The Mistress

“PRETTY WOMAN …” by mrbill78636 is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

“The mistress will kiss the bear goodbye when he sleeps in his own bed.” Anthony T. Hincks

When Veronica Franco approached me about co-editing a publication dedicated to the single mistress, I didn’t hesitate to join this much-needed forum. Before I go into why this gathering place is essential, I should clarify some possible ambiguities.

A single person in an affair can be male or female. For purposes of flow, I will refer to the mistress as she. Although our forum emphasizes the status of being single, there is little doubt that a married person who struggles with the emotional roller coaster of an affair will relate to the articles presented here.

Being in love with a married person can be a lonely, isolating relationship. There are few if any, friends that can be confided in. We all know it is a relationship that is condemned by society. Therefore, the mistress will often have to “go it alone.” She will navigate those feelings of insecurity, confusion, and abandonment without a friend to lean on.

If she is fortunate enough to have someone to unburden herself to, she must explain the circumstances constantly.

“He’s in an unhappy marriage and plans on leaving as soon as the last kid is in college.”

“He’s a spousal caregiver.”

“He’s in a sexless marriage.”

“We never meant to fall in love.”

No other relationship has the same scrutiny or requirements for justification. This level of examination will eat away at what already is a fragile state, which is why many of us suffer in silence.

Some of us are able to find nonjudgmental therapists. I will always advocate for anyone in an affair to go to individual therapy. Therapists guide us to overcoming life’s challenges. The focus is on our healing and growth. Therapy does not just address the symptoms of what is causing you distress but also the causes. “Why can’t I walk away from this relationship?” “What am I afraid of losing if I decide to remain a secret no longer?” “How do I handle the constant rumination?”

These are all essential benefits of therapy. But sometimes, there is a gap in therapy. You may only get to see your therapist twice a month. What happens during the thirteen days in between? I found it comforting and crucial to correspond with other mistresses. There were several years when I checked in with my online mistress friends daily. Besides feeling less lonely or isolated, most importantly, you are not judged. It is a place to talk openly and honestly about your feelings. If you told a girlfriend how many times you checked your phone for a message from him, you’d get a look of either disdain or pity. But another mistress will say, “Yep, I get that. It can be agonizing to wait for his response, isn’t it?”

Sometimes knowing that you are confessing to like-minded people can give you back empowerment and hope. That is my goal for joining Mistress Voices. I spent over eight years in love with a married man. I never thought I’d see the day when I wasn’t hoping and wishing he’d choose me. I also couldn’t imagine that this heartache would ever go away. But closure can come when you least expect it, and it sure doesn’t hurt to give it a push.

I hope to share more of my story here so that others can find inspiration as they power through what will possibly be the most confusing relationship they have ever been in.

Warmly, Tullia

________________________________________________

If you want your voice to be heard, Mistress Voices seeks writers who desire to share their stories.

To become a writer for Mistress Voices, we are looking for those who have been in a secret relationship as a mistress or lover in any relationship configuration, regardless of sexual identity or gender.

To be considered for our publication, please comment on this article with your email and medium handle to be added as a writer.

You may also email us at [email protected] to submit an unpublished draft with your request to be added.

Infidelity
Cheating
Adultery
Relationships
New Publication
Recommended from ReadMedium