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Abstract

ruth is I’m not being thoughtful about how I approach my relationships.I’m simply showing up, relaxing, and then waiting until the next day to get re-motivated. This is not ok. So, I’m proposing a new way for myself.

That is figuring out what matters most and putting my efforts there… Here’s how I’m doing that.<h1 id="5f58">Pay attention to what matters most</h1>When you come home from a long day of work do you feel like you’ve earned some downtime? Those are hours you put in should be worth something, right? After a long productive day, it feels good to come home and relax.We finish work. Then we turn off. Plop on the couch. Spend time browsing the phone. Whatever your downtime consists of, it’s helpful to start asking “would I pay to get this time back one day”. What can you do with that downtime? It’s not a question of being productive. No, it’s a prompt to become more present. Give yourself a chance to experience some vibrancy in your life. Figure out what’s meaningful.It’s a bit unfair that our best waking hours are often dedicated to some form of capitalistic production. This is perhaps a topic for another article. For now, it makes sense to get really serious about evaluating the time we spend each and every day. Are we killing ourselves to help reach the new profit goal of the organizations we work for? It’s silly because there seems to be no way to win. Each year a new goal, more money, more revenue. Endless.I talk more about this in my <a href="https://pinegrovezen.com/happiness-at-work/">happiness at work article</a>. Even at work, we should be a bit selfish because our time is valuable. We should figure out what’s meaningful to avoid become cogs in a machine. We are not robots.It is vital that we ask ourselves as often as possible what matters most. Because when we do, we can start paying attention to these moments more often. Instead of taking what we have for granted, we will discover we have more and more to be grateful for every day.<h1 id="dd66">Put effort into the things that matter</h1>If you set goals at work, you should set goals for your personal life. As simple as that. Be highly aware of how you spend your time with loved ones. Are you present? Are you kind? We should care about how we show up for our family and friends.Once we identify what is truly important, we need to start making more effort. Really think about it. If these moments are important then how we show up matters. We know that going through the motions in our careers is a quick path toward unfulfillment. So why do we allow this type of thoughtless energy to seep into our home life?The fix is a simple one. We start being more thoughtful about how we spend our time. More specifically, we think about the energy we are bringing home. The best versions of ourselves should be reserved for those we care about most. Not just our colleagues.The big change that helped me was to set simple intentions as soon as I was done with the workday. Instead of packing and heading home right away, I took an extra 5 minutes to think about the next part of my day. I thought about how happy my wife and my two little 6-pound chihuahuas would be to see me. When I walk in the door, I made it a goal to bask in that type of appreciation. No one loves you like your family does.Right be

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fore I walk in the door. I spend just a minute or two rethinking my intentions. I make it a goal to be calm, loving, and present for the rest of the night. These are simple little reminders that can change the course of the night. They are easy metrics to measure against. It just requires some intention and attention.In Summary …<ul><li>Think about what/who matters most</li><li>Before you go home, decide on what energy you want to embody</li><li>Identify 2–3 traits to measure against</li><li>Become those traits.</li><li>Make those moments matter.</li></ul><h1 id="6565">Remember which moments will one day disappear.</h1>The reality is many moments we take for granted will one day disappear. What are you going to miss most? Or back to the quote earlier in the text “What moments would you pay to have back?”. This is a powerful question that can be used as a reminder when we should be more present.Not all moments are created equal. Some of our experiences will repeat themselves. Throughout our careers, promotions, accolades, and recognition will all repeat themselves. If we put the effort into our work, we should experience some of these moments of recognition. They feel good and we should be proud. However, if you experienced any of these peaks you know how fleeting the feeling is. Next thing you know you are trying to repeat. There is no end in this game.<h1 id="5419">Some moments disappear forever.</h1>It’s important to keep this type of mindset to help us pay attention to what matters most. One day you are going to miss where you are now. It is in our nature to accomplish. To achieve. On to the next thing. This frantic speed doesn’t allow for moments of appreciation. That’s why we have to train ourselves to identify which moments will someday be gone.Certain moments so much more precious. Time moves pretty fast. As I started thinking about this concept I thought about my dogs. I had this sudden realization that they aren’t going to be here forever. My wife and I have two little rescue chihuahuas Thelma and Louise who are 9 years old (at the time of this writing). One day they will be gone. As soon as I recognize that, my attention shifts. I get try to be present and enjoy their company. It’s a practice of presence.That’s why I ask “Who am I going to miss when they are gone”. A morbid thought for sure. It is certainly sad to think about it. Normally this type of thinking sits in the back of the mind. The shift here is to be more conscious of this reality.This shift creates a powerful realization to make these precious moments matter most. Make your time matter by asking what matters most and giving that your fullest attention as often as possible.<h2 id="dea5">Additional Resources</h2>Would you like someone else’s take on this? Check out <a href="http://with%20Ryan%20Holiday.%20They%20speak%20about%20a%20lot%20of%20topics,%20but%20right%20around%20the%2071-minute%20mark%20they%20start%20asking%20questions%20related%20to%20'does%20it%20even%20matter'.">Tim Ferris’s conversation with Ryan Holiday</a>. They speak about a lot of topics, but right around the 71-minute mark they start asking questions related to ‘does it even matter’.Originally published at <a href="https://pinegrovezen.com/figuring-out-what-matters-most-then-prioritizing/">https://pinegrovezen.com</a> on March 7, 2020.</article></body>

Figure Out What Matters Most- Then Prioritize

This article is for anyone questioning what this is all for.

Do you resonate with any of these statements?

I am great at setting and achieving goals.
I’m passionate about figuring out how to be more productive, efficient, and focused.
I create habits help me to achieve.

Those that are goal-oriented know the powerful feeling of being truly inspired to do your best work. The question is are we paying attention to what matters most? This past month I’ve been working through a hidden challenge. This is an obstacle I believe many others are facing, especially those that are highly driven. That is paying attention to what matters most in life.

The realization is a simple one. I should put in as much effort in my personal life as I do to my career. At work, it is easy to be goal-oriented and focused. When I come into work in the morning, I’m ready and willing to do what it takes to move the needle. To be productive and efficient. What about you?

High performing individuals reach success in their careers by being thoughtful in how they approach the day. Do you identify as a high performer? If so, do you take the same thoughtful approach to your relationships?

The words below are reflections on my own personal journey about figuring out what matters most. I’ve been successful in my career because of the effort I’ve put in. It makes me wonder how can I apply the same goal-setting principles to get the most out of life’s most precious moments.

Where is our effort?

Perhaps counter-intuitively, it’s really easy to work hard. Motivated individuals naturally look at challenges as opportunities for growth. We see the obstacles in front of us and eagerly tackle them, knowing this is the next step in our evolution. In a sense work is easy. Again, what we really should be asking here is this what matters most?

Here we are working our asses off sometimes. Trying to grow our business or be someone in our careers, but at the end of the day does it matter? In the moment it feels so damn important to break out and be someone. But really what are the moments that you would pay to have back someday?

“How much would I pay to relive this experience 20, 30, 40 years from now”

Tim Ferris referencing Blockchain CEO Muneeb Ali, Tim Ferris Podcast Episode 410.

I have no problem working 9–10-hour days, but I don’t because I want to spend quality time with my wife during the week. The problem isn’t the time. It’s the quality and presence that I bring when I shut down for the day. The truth is I’m not being thoughtful about how I approach my relationships.

I’m simply showing up, relaxing, and then waiting until the next day to get re-motivated. This is not ok. So, I’m proposing a new way for myself. That is figuring out what matters most and putting my efforts there… Here’s how I’m doing that.

Pay attention to what matters most

When you come home from a long day of work do you feel like you’ve earned some downtime? Those are hours you put in should be worth something, right? After a long productive day, it feels good to come home and relax.

We finish work. Then we turn off. Plop on the couch. Spend time browsing the phone. Whatever your downtime consists of, it’s helpful to start asking “would I pay to get this time back one day”. What can you do with that downtime? It’s not a question of being productive. No, it’s a prompt to become more present. Give yourself a chance to experience some vibrancy in your life. Figure out what’s meaningful.

It’s a bit unfair that our best waking hours are often dedicated to some form of capitalistic production. This is perhaps a topic for another article. For now, it makes sense to get really serious about evaluating the time we spend each and every day. Are we killing ourselves to help reach the new profit goal of the organizations we work for? It’s silly because there seems to be no way to win. Each year a new goal, more money, more revenue. Endless.

I talk more about this in my happiness at work article. Even at work, we should be a bit selfish because our time is valuable. We should figure out what’s meaningful to avoid become cogs in a machine. We are not robots.

It is vital that we ask ourselves as often as possible what matters most. Because when we do, we can start paying attention to these moments more often. Instead of taking what we have for granted, we will discover we have more and more to be grateful for every day.

Put effort into the things that matter

If you set goals at work, you should set goals for your personal life. As simple as that. Be highly aware of how you spend your time with loved ones. Are you present? Are you kind? We should care about how we show up for our family and friends.

Once we identify what is truly important, we need to start making more effort. Really think about it. If these moments are important then how we show up matters. We know that going through the motions in our careers is a quick path toward unfulfillment. So why do we allow this type of thoughtless energy to seep into our home life?

The fix is a simple one. We start being more thoughtful about how we spend our time. More specifically, we think about the energy we are bringing home. The best versions of ourselves should be reserved for those we care about most. Not just our colleagues.

The big change that helped me was to set simple intentions as soon as I was done with the workday. Instead of packing and heading home right away, I took an extra 5 minutes to think about the next part of my day. I thought about how happy my wife and my two little 6-pound chihuahuas would be to see me. When I walk in the door, I made it a goal to bask in that type of appreciation. No one loves you like your family does.

Right before I walk in the door. I spend just a minute or two rethinking my intentions. I make it a goal to be calm, loving, and present for the rest of the night. These are simple little reminders that can change the course of the night. They are easy metrics to measure against. It just requires some intention and attention.

In Summary …

Think about what/who matters most
Before you go home, decide on what energy you want to embody
Identify 2–3 traits to measure against
Become those traits.
Make those moments matter.

Remember which moments will one day disappear.

The reality is many moments we take for granted will one day disappear. What are you going to miss most? Or back to the quote earlier in the text “What moments would you pay to have back?”. This is a powerful question that can be used as a reminder when we should be more present.

Not all moments are created equal. Some of our experiences will repeat themselves. Throughout our careers, promotions, accolades, and recognition will all repeat themselves. If we put the effort into our work, we should experience some of these moments of recognition. They feel good and we should be proud. However, if you experienced any of these peaks you know how fleeting the feeling is. Next thing you know you are trying to repeat. There is no end in this game.

Some moments disappear forever.

It’s important to keep this type of mindset to help us pay attention to what matters most. One day you are going to miss where you are now. It is in our nature to accomplish. To achieve. On to the next thing. This frantic speed doesn’t allow for moments of appreciation. That’s why we have to train ourselves to identify which moments will someday be gone.

Certain moments so much more precious. Time moves pretty fast. As I started thinking about this concept I thought about my dogs. I had this sudden realization that they aren’t going to be here forever. My wife and I have two little rescue chihuahuas Thelma and Louise who are 9 years old (at the time of this writing). One day they will be gone. As soon as I recognize that, my attention shifts. I get try to be present and enjoy their company. It’s a practice of presence.

That’s why I ask “Who am I going to miss when they are gone”. A morbid thought for sure. It is certainly sad to think about it. Normally this type of thinking sits in the back of the mind. The shift here is to be more conscious of this reality.

This shift creates a powerful realization to make these precious moments matter most. Make your time matter by asking what matters most and giving that your fullest attention as often as possible.

Additional Resources

Would you like someone else’s take on this? Check out Tim Ferris’s conversation with Ryan Holiday. They speak about a lot of topics, but right around the 71-minute mark they start asking questions related to ‘does it even matter’.

Originally published at https://pinegrovezen.com on March 7, 2020.