Fighting the Imposter In My Head

He Always Waits for the Quiet Times

I have been working pretty much nonstop since August. I saw an opportunity to achieve financial freedom and I jumped on it. Except, it isn’t a single opportunity, it is more of a collection of potential opportunities. I just have to figure out the right one. If one opportunity pops, that will be enough.

As part of my plan to achieve financial freedom, I am pursuing various income streams.

There is my writing on Medium. I am up to almost $100 in two months, so not quite the gold mine I was hoping for yet. I am in the process of writing a book as well. Much of my blog is going to go into the book, so at least there are multiple income streams being served by a single action of writing.

I am also in the process of launching a startup. I am currently in search of funding. That is a process that is… ongoing. I think that I can convince an investor of my ideas if I can just get in the door. The doors are hard to open when you manage to find them. Unfortunately, I spent the majority of my decade in tech focusing on tech and not the people in tech. Now I have an uphill battle.

I still have my regular day job as well. I have a few ideas of opportunities I am trying to pursue within the company as well. I have a couple really cool ideas that I would like to kick off. Certain outcomes allow me to drop my own startup as well.

Lately, though, I have hit a bit of a lull. I have laid a bunch of groundwork and have to work on being patient. That is where I struggle in life. I am probably the least patient person you will ever meet. Now, there are days where it seems all I can do is wait. These days can be excruciating at times.

That is also when The Imposter shows up.

He waits for the quiet times when things are not actively happening. Then he starts whispering to me.

“If you were good enough, you would already have succeeded.”

I have been keeping him away by working constantly. If I don’t take a break, he never has a chance to show up. But there is always a time where he can appear and he does. He is fast. It doesn’t take a long break in the action for him to show up.

When he does, we battle. I try to remove him from my head. Some days, it is easier than others. A few days lately, it has been a real struggle. I manage to eventually get him out but it is a struggle. It is a drain on my energy and motivation. Each little doubt he whispers in my ear is a bit more energy that I have to spend on ejecting him.

I can’t make him go away forever.

I know he will always be back. All I can do is battle him when he shows up, spend the energy that I need to in order to get him out, and then try to recover that energy. I can look at a number of things and see that I am on the right track. Things are moving, if not quickly enough to make me happy.

That is the problem with wanting to make an impact on the world. A lasting impact takes time. It takes coordination and luck. I have a number of possible paths laid out before me. I know that most are going to fail. I just need one to get me where I need to go. Sometimes, that involves backtracking slightly and spending the time to figure out my next move.

Even if that means The Imposter shows up. I have beat him before and I will again.