Fiction | Life |Inspiration
Fifty Years Ago, Exactly Today, At This Hour
The Power and Darkness Of Her Memory
Prelude — An Unprecedented Question
“Grandma, why can’t we take a walk in the forest?” Suri asked. Her Grandma looks at the outside window solemnly. Her eyes are watery but empty. There is a feeling of numbness inside her. Maybe, that’s why she didn’t share it with anyone. Maybe, that’s why she doesn’t feel anything. She looks straight outside the window. Does she really have to walk through that memory lane again?… at this age? Fifty years later?…
Background: The Message From The Universe… Mystical? Not Really!
An image… a dismantled bicycle in the forest. It captured my thought and imagination. Thanks to Jann Christoph von der Pütten and his “5 Writing Prompts: Abandoned in the Forest.” With nature being my favorite place and a forest as a part of my existence ( I always think that my brain looks like a forest), I can’t help but stare at each image for minutes and minutes, especially a dismantled bicycle in the forest.
So I cooked up the first paragraph above last night. Then, my thoughts became rebellious, going in all different directions. I decided to give it a rest. This morning, I came across a great article, “Memory,” by Daniel Perez. Ah… memory! The article came at the right moment. It served as an assistant to the story that I am working on.
I felt I received a message to connect with my idea through two wonderful authors, Jann Christoph von der Pütten and Daniel Perez. Not mystical… rather, courage, gratitude, and appreciation. The way our Universe operates.
The Beginning — Isn’t Always The Starting Point
Sinta is the only girl of six and the youngest. Her parents were so happy when she arrived, especially her mother, Ratu. When Ratu was in her sixth pregnancy, she went to see a Guru, famous for granting wishes. She wished for a daughter. The Guru smiled and asked, “How do you want to show your gratitude?” Ratu said, “Anything you want me to give.” There was a bit of unease in her heart; she wasn’t sure of her answer. But she couldn’t help it. She really wanted a beautiful girl. She imagined sewing and cooking together. When Sinta arrived, Ratu was ecstatic.
Sinta is beautiful, graceful, and loves to spend time with her mother. Everything that Ratu has imagined. They cook and sew together. Sinta isn’t allowed to be outside the home after 5:00 pm; she is enrolled in an All Girls’ school. Ratu has brought her up with lots of protection and love. Life is perfect and secluded for Sinta.
Her brothers have a different kind of life. They have lots of activities. Sinta sees her brothers playing soccer and basketball; going to swimming tournaments and tennis matches. At times, they went camping and didn’t come home for days, and they brought lots of their friends home. Deep down, she envies her brothers. She wants to do all of those things. She loves spending time with her mother and also wants to experience other things. She wants to have a choice. She wants to know what losing a basketball game or a tennis match feels like, maybe some sadness and anger. Her life feels like a small box. She wants more.
Years have gone by fast. Sinta is fourteen. Voluptuous for her age, innocent and gullible, the happy-go-lucky kind with a thirst for adventure. She makes others around her feel alive; she has no clue how attractive that quality is.
She and Baron, seventeen, her fourth brother, are close. Baron is different than the rest of her brothers. He is attentive; he listens when she wants to talk about her feelings and how much she wants to learn basketball. He spent time with her; they often biked together to the forest nearby and had a lunch picnic. He’d show her how to play basketball. Other times, he’d read with her, even read aloud for her. For Sinta, Baron is the light of her life.
Summer time. School is off. Sinta is so happy that Baron has decided to stay home instead of joining the junior professional basketball camp as he did for the past two years. He will be a senior in HS that year, and this might be the last summer he’ll be home. Sinta is excited! This summer won’t be boring for her; she smiles and starts to make plans. She knows that Baron will say yes to all of them!
Was It July 9? Was It In July? It Was Clear, And The Clarity Blurs…
It’s July 9. Tuesday. Beautiful, sunny, muggy, hot summer morning. The forecast says it will be a thunderstorm late afternoon, but the morning is bright.
Sinta knocks on Baron’s room and runs inside without waiting for him to open the door. “Wake up! It’ll be a thunderstorm in the afternoon. We gotta start early!” Baron groans, opens his eyes, and his eyes meet Sinta’s. He can’t help but smile. “Okay! Give me ten minutes. We’ll cook breakfast together.” Sinta kisses his cheek and gets out of his room.
In exactly eight minutes, Baron is in the kitchen with her. She longs for some omelette and toast. She asks Baron to peel up one of the papayas on the kitchen counter. “ The right one. It is ripe enough, so it won’t be too sweet!” They listen to their favorite song, “Take On Me” by A-Ha. Sinta feels happy and isn’t aware that Baron is staring at her a couple of times.
“What’s the menu for lunch?” Baron asks. Sinta gives her an unsure look. “Do you think we should stay that long? It’s gonna be a thunderstorm!” Sinta says. “The trees will protect us from lightning, thunder, and rain… it’s just water; what’s to worry about?” Baron sounds a little annoyed. Sinta nods, “Okay if you think it is safe, let’s do it! I trust you!” They decided to bring the leftover from dinner last night, some awesome curry goat with potatoes, coconut rice, and steamed spinach.
The bike ride to the forest is pleasant. Sinta doesn’t stop talking, and Baron listens with a smile on his face. Everything is exciting and beautiful for Sinta. Seeing the world differently every day, even if they are biking on the same path, is her great quality. She thinks there is always something she missed the last time she passed through the path, so when she sees something, she’ll say, “I didn’t see this before!” Baron will shake his head to disagree but know better not to say anything.
They arrive at the same spot, leave the bicycle there, and start to explore, holding hands as Sinta doesn’t want to get lost. When they return to their spot, Baron, who never leaves his basketball behind, tosses the ball to Sinta. She knows the cue. It’s practice time. She has gotten so much better at dribbling and driving the ball.
They hear the thunder, see the lightning, and feel the rain, but not stopping. They are having fun, bodies bump into each other, sweats, wet t-shirts, Sinta’s laughter and screaming of excitement… all are arousing for a seventeen-year-old boy…
October… Never Thought The Rainy Season Can Feel So Cold
Sinta hasn’t been well for weeks. She is constantly nauseous, barely can eat, and is easily tired. Ratu misses her laughter but pays no mind. It’s a teenager’s phase.
Baron is busy preparing for college, and Sinta feels lonely. She wants to ask so many questions, but he seems unavailable. When they did spend time together, Baron was nice and attentive, but he wasn’t in the mood to go biking to the forest anymore. He didn’t want to lie down and read together in her bed. He seldom held or hugged her. He looked unease when Sinta kissed his cheeks. And Sinta doesn’t understand why.
The second week of October, Saturday morning. Ratu came to her room, put the clean laundry on her bed, and asked, ‘When was the last time you had your period? I haven’t seen you getting any pads from my closet.” Sinta looked puzzled, laughed, and said, “I don’t know, Mom. I didn’t get it in the past two months. Maybe this month?” Ratu frowned; her heart beat fast, really fast. Sinta has been regular for the past two years. “ Is it possible…?”
Sinta doesn’t feel any better towards the end of October. Ratu decides it’s time to get her to see her pediatrician since she doesn’t stop complaining about her being nauseous, tired, dizzy, and can’t eat. Dr. Wiryono has known Sinta since she was born. He listens to Ratu and asks Ratu to wait outside while he examines Sinta with a nurse. Ratu thinks it’s a bit odd since she never had to wait outside before, but she trusts him.
Dr. Wiryono examines Sinta and asks her for a urine sample. While Sinta is in the bathroom, he is quiet, trying to figure out how to ask Sinta and her mother some questions. At the same time, he is hoping that his hunch isn’t true. He decides to wait until the urine test result comes back, not to raise any alarm now. He knows how strict Ratu is with Sinta. He has known Ratu for a while. He takes care of all of her children. She is particular with Sinta and has made it clear that Sinta won’t make the same mistake as she did years ago.
December 25. Christmas. The rest of that year is unpleasant. Sinta has never felt and seen her mother being so cold with her. Sometimes at the beginning of November, she had to stay in the hospital for four days. Baron has kept his distance. She feels lonely and sad. Nothing is the same.
Being Eighteen and Wiser…
Sinta comes to accept the changes. She stops asking her mother and Baron. She knows that one day, one of these days, she will know what exactly happened.
Sister Elizabeth is a fantastic math professor. Sinta loves her. She likes to spend time with her, and Sister Elizabeth doesn’t seem to mind. Last week, Sister Elizabeth decided to ask Ratu’s permission to take Sinta to the forest biking. Sinta talked about biking to the forest so much that Sister Elizabeth, new to the area, wanted to experience the adventure.
Sinta takes her to the spot she used to come with Baron. To her surprise, she sees Baron’s bicycle, dismantled on the spot. When did it happen? When did Baron take his bicycle and leave it here? Sinta shakes her head and mumbles, “But he loves this bicycle so much!” Sister Elizabeth can’t help but ask, “Do you recognize this bicycle?” “Yes, it’s my brother’s! I spoke a lot about him. Baron. Remember?” Sister Elizabeth smiles.
Sinta can’t keep it. She pours her heart out to Sister Elizabeth. She describes vividly what happened on July 9 and the changes she experienced afterward. The time she was in the hospital for a couple of days. Mom is distant from her. Baron seldom came home or called her. All of it. Sister Elizabeth tries to keep her face straight even when her heart feels pain. She contemplates if it is right to tell Sinta the truth without Ratu’s permission. And she thinks it is the right thing to do.
Epilogue — The Ending Point, Sometimes, Never Comes
July 9. Her Granddaughter asked her a question five minutes ago, “ Why can’t we take a walk in the forest?” She looks at the precious nine-year-old face, beautiful as her mother, her adopted daughter. She smiles and says, “ One day, we take a walk there when I can’t remember anything anymore. For now, do you want to make some brownies?” “Brownies? With lots of chocolates? Yes, Granny, Yes!!” That moment, Sinta remembers… that’s how I was, gullible and innocent, enjoying every bit of life. And now, she wants to come back to be that person again.
Is it possible?…
Jann Christoph von der Pütten, thank you for such great prompts!!
