Fifteen Very Brief Life-Improving Tales

Funny snippets that make good sense

Over the years, I’ve thought about life and how I should live it because I’ve found that sometimes this planet can be very challenging.

Here are fifteen little tales to make your days better that I’ve thought about. Laugh a little!

Bad things you wish you could undo

Make a list of all the harmful things you have done to your friends, teachers, parents, grandparents, and yourself. Include in this list, a tale or two about one of these events. Then, look at it. Circle the things you know an apology might be a good idea. Then go to bed. The rest will do you good.

Morning Gratefulness

Waking up groggy. Dreading the day? Too many things to do that you don’t want to do? Take a moment to make another list. List all those things you are grateful for. Don’t forget to include that you are alive another day to make this list. Then, put the list away so that you can read it another day.

The Bingers

Not all the time they said

Just at parties or before bed

The Bingers drink all they can

But only after ten.

Not all the time they said

Only at dinner, only wine, only red.

The Bingers drink before they think

Sometimes vomiting in the kitchen sink

Not all the time they said

I like to drink with only Fred.

Before supper, never!

The Bingers were very clever

Not all the time they said.

Obsessive Thoughts of Love

A rainstorm allows us time to sit inside and think. When we think about things, we often think about the same thing over and over again. Especially love. When we’re in love, and all we can think about is the person with whom we are in love we can sing…STOP, in the name of love.

By stopping in the name of love we can do our daily chores — our jobs, schoolwork, chores around the house. Then, when we are done we can set a period of time, say one hour to think about our love for another person. Love is great; however, there are times we need to get some control over ourselves.

Stumbling on a Great Day

What’ll I wear today? What’ll eat? What’ll do after work? What’ll I do when I get home?

As you ask yourself these questions, you do not realize that there are other people in the world. Going through our days we think about what we have to do, where we have to go, and what we’ll do when we are finished. The real question is what can we do for others? How can we reach out? How can we make someone else’s day better? A compliment here, a helpful hand there will help us to feel better about ourselves.

Overreaction

Certainly, no country that respects freedom would ever curtail the rights of teens and young adults. However, when a few teens get out of control, all teens suffer.

A high school boy walks into school through a metal detector. He appears to be walking slightly sideways. He is stopped by a security guard. The guard frisks him. The boy becomes recalcitrant. He resists the perceived attack from the security guard. He is hauled off to the police station. The boy is found with a vape pen in his pocket. He’s hauled off to Juvy Hall. All this and more await the boy who started his day walking into school.

Meetings

Have an agenda. Give each item a specified time. Stick to the time. Let people know you mean business. Be firm. And your meeting will end on time.

What’s worse than a meeting that goes on too long? There’s more to life than the meetings you’re in.

Know What You’re Getting Into

Chad wanted to volunteer. Without thinking about what type of volunteering he wanted to do, Chad decided to help seniors at their homes.

Chad was paired with Mable, an aging educated woman who read James Joyce (a writer who uses very difficult sentences and words). At first, she appeared well-adjusted and she and Chad became great buddies.

One day Mable’s son came home to check up on Mable. Chad was there. Mable was reading some James Joyce to Chad. Chad did not understand a thing she was reading. Mable got up and told her son she never wanted to see him again and that Chad was her “new” son. Chad’s jaw dropped and he excused himself from the situation.

If you are going to volunteer somewhere, make sure that the situation is appropriate for your interest and skills.

A Stereotypical Stereotype

Geeze, How’s the weather? You betcha. It’s cold outside.

Typical Midwestern conversation has its roots in the weather. This particular stereotype about midwesterners is not very offensive. First, the midwest is colder than the rest of the country, so they have every right to talk about the weather. You would too if you had to deal with temperatures that are below freezing for several months of the year.

Some stereotypes are true and tried, others are ugly. Know the difference, and if you're not sure, keep your mouth shut. You never know who’s listening.

Up All Night

Lots to do tomorrow, never know how I’ll get all I have to do done. It’s 3 a.m. and I still can’t sleep. What am I gonna do? Well, snap out of it. Get up. Drink a glass of warm milk and read a book.

By the time tomorrow arrives, you won’t even know that you didn’t sleep that well. And, most of all, don’t go ‘round complaining to everyone how lousy you slept. It will only turn people off.

Just smile your way through the day, yawn when you have to, maybe take a cat nap, and you’ll sleep really well the next night.

Snack Attack

Early morning donuts, and late night pizza and you’re still putting on pounds. Can’t help it, gotta catch something quick in the morn and don’t have time to eat until late at night when you go out with your friends.

So what!

The pizza has tomato sauce on it. That’s a vegetable. And the donuts have raspberry jelly inside them and that’s a fruit. You can pretty much bet you’ll have some side effects from this. Pockets of pimples form on your face if you’re a teen, and on your back and arms if you’re older. Then, a mass of fat starts to form around you’re mid-section if you’re a guy, and around your butt and thighs if you’re a girl.

Pimples and fat aren’t all bad, because they can be shed at any time, right?

Heck no, yo-yo dieting is bad because the pounds will sneak up during your next binges. Begin first with moderation, maybe a donut every other day, or try a big plate of steamed veggies at your local health food restaurant once in a while. You’d be amazed at how one can acquire a taste for broccoli. Good eating is synonymous with good health, and moderation is the key.

Your Nose

Now some things really gross people out and picking your nose is one of them. Blowing your nose runs a close second. I was in a restaurant a couple of years ago and out of nowhere a very large man with a very strong voice started yelling at the people sitting at the table next to us.

As the sound of his voice grew steadily louder, he bantered about how disgusting it was that the man sneezed, then blew his nose, and finally picked it in front of his family.

He continued about how this spreads disease and that he was so revolted that he could not finish his dinner. Well, at this point the whole restaurant was concerned because the other man responded vigorously that he was sorry and also that his personal habits were nobody’s business but his own.

Both men were situated with their chairs half pulled out and their bodies twisted, leaning threateningly forward into each other. The wait staff proceeded to tame the men, but the bantering continued. Finally, the families of the men calmed them down.

Sometimes we need to pick our noses, blow our noses, or just snort a little. You probably can get away with it in a noisy spacious restaurant, but in a tight popular place with lots of very large people, it wouldn’t be a good idea.

Try to pick or blow your nose in the bathroom, or step outside and do it.

Compliments

What a nice smile! I like your tie. Boy, I’d really like to buy some shoes like that. Your eyes kind of sparkle today. You can do it. You’re really talented at… What a great shirt. I really like the perfume you’re wearing. My, you look dapper today. You’ve lost weight (I recommend you use this for women, as men will sometimes think they’re sick when they lose weight) You look like you’ve been working out. I like your haircut. What a pretty necklace.

…And when someone compliments you always smile and say thank you, nothing more, nothing less.

Fashion Spectacles and Tentacles

Fashion lends itself to developing new daring styles that new generations will embrace. Pierced navels, a half-dozen of earrings in one ear, elaborate tattoos in unexpected places.

There’s one thing for sure…

Today’s fashion spectacles could be tomorrow’s fashion tentacles, a neck covered with snazzy tattoos, a sterling silver inside and out of one’s belly button, tongue, or cheek. That belly button hole, tongue hole, or cheek hole could be a stinging tentacle of tomorrow. The tattoos, exceptional marks of rebellion become the lasting tentacles only that a laser can destroy, and not all that well.

Think many times before altering your body with fashion spectacles that become stinging octopus-like tentacles of your future.

Moderation and beauty should be the key.

The Park

The best place for a burned-out person is a park. A really big park, a park with paths that lead to nowhere. A park with trees that spread their canopies over large wooden benches. A park where one can sit next to a fountain, stream, or waterfall, tunes that soothe the tense feeling under the ears, the muscles that join the shoulders to the back and the stomach, thighs, calves, and feet and toes. Rested hands fall onto the lap facing upward so that the warm sun’s rays can penetrate them. Take in the park’s fresh air, sedating sounds, floating clouds, and green grass.

Parks are everywhere. Go often.