FIFA World Cup. Qatar 2022. A Pictorial Record.

Saudi Arabia

“Finally we got to drive to a World Cup!”

Germany

Oh my days.

England vs USA

1st Leftie: An old imperialist power versus a current imperialist power.

2nd Leftie: Like watching two bald men you hate fighting over a comb.

Wales.

Their official World Cup song was, ‘Yma o Hyd’ (English: “Still Here”). Still here, in Wales, knocked out early.

Qatar

The team finished with the same amount of points the country has for its human rights record. Zero.

Belgium

Going into the tournament FIFA ranked them the second best team in the world. They are second best. They’ve won fuck all ever.

Cameroon

Me: The Cameroons took the biscuit.

1st Person: Macaroons!

Me: Bless you.

Uruguay

The campaign lacked bite.

Ghana

The best I can do is an obscure reference to the classic telly show The Rockford Files.

Australia

Knocked out by Brazil. You can’t say their campaign Dingo well.

Poland

Well the good news is thanks to Brexit we’re short of plumbers.

Japan

Me: Beaten by a Nip in the air.

1st Person: That’s a racial slur.

Me: Sorry. Beaten by a Japanese header.

1st Person: Now it’s not even funny. You deserve to be cancelled.

Switzerland

Cheesed off when knocked out.

The Netherlands

Netherlands manager Louis van Gaal said in his final press conference, “Weed a good game plan. We faced up to our Chronic failures in previous campaigns. This was a Blow to all the pundits who wrote us off. Although to be fair, we made a right Hash of the penalties.”

Brazil

Knocked out by penalties. Nuts!

Portugal

The last time Ronaldo cried this hard he were in court for tax evasion. “Eu sou bonita demais para a prisão.”

England.

Knocked out by France. Brexit. Merry fucking Christmas.

Morocco

Fez up. It were a great campaign.

Croatia

Me: They give opponents the itch. Modrić, Perišić, Kovačić, Brozović….

1st Person: Lovren.

Me: Don’t spoil it.

France

They lose in the final. EU corruption. Joyeux fucking Noël

Argentina

Messi is called GOAT. Guaranteed Often Avoids Taxes. Well done you for winning the World Cup. Now, be a good boy, and like the rest of us, get used to paying fucking taxes.

1st Person: Where’s the next World Cup being held?

2nd Person: Some of it’s in the USA.

1st Person: Great, another country with a dodgy human rights record.

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