Summary

The author emphasizes the importance of asserting personal boundaries and self-protection against others' invalidating opinions, even when it involves loved ones, as a means to preserve one's own truth and foster self-growth and healing.

Abstract

The article "Fierce Self-Protection" delves into the author's personal experience with a loved one who downplayed their struggles, triggering a strong defensive response. Despite the challenge, the author maintained composure and asserted the validity of their own experiences. This event highlighted the significance of self-empowerment and the necessity of setting boundaries to protect one's emotional well-being. The author reflects on past patterns of self-invalidation and the journey towards self-compassion and authenticity. They acknowledge that while self-protection can sometimes be perceived as confrontational or cold, it is ultimately an act of self-love and a crucial component of personal growth. The incident also served as a reminder that relationships can still thrive even when there is disagreement, as long as there is mutual respect and understanding.

Opinions

The author believes that it is essential to stand up for one's own experiences and feelings, even in the face of loved ones' differing opinions.
They assert that self-protection is not about being confrontational but about taking responsibility for one's own emotional health and boundaries.
The author suggests that self-protection can be misinterpreted as being unapproachable or insensitive, but it is actually a gentle and necessary form of self-care.
They emphasize that personal growth involves learning to own and assert one's narrative, rather than allowing others to define it.
The author values the importance of self-validation over seeking external approval, recognizing that personal truth does not require others' acknowledgment to be legitimate.
They note that the ability to maintain harmony in relationships does not necessitate agreement on all matters, but rather respect for each individual's perspective.
The author is grateful for the lessons learned through challenging experiences, which have led to a stronger sense of self and the development of healthy boundaries.

Fierce Self-Protection

An essential element of gentleness

Photo by Александр Раскольников on Unsplash

I mentioned something in passing about finding something hard or how much I feel like I have been through.

“You haven’t been through that much, you’ve had a pretty easy life.” They said

I was astounded at how composed I remained, though inside I felt a wall go up, an alarm sounded- I felt angry.

“No”, Is the first word I could summon up.

“I have been through an incredibly hard time.” I asserted.

I could feel my body twitching with adrenaline, itching to go into full defence mode, but I held myself strong. It doesn’t matter what they think I kept reassuring myself internally. They don’t get to tell my story. I do.

This person I’m talking about loves me dearly, they are someone who I love dearly too, someone who means the world to me, but in this instance, I had a chance to learn first-hand how important it is to protect yourself against other peoples opinions and beliefs at times. Even the people you love the most can unknowingly or unconsciously undermine and invalidate your experiences and feelings.

For a long time in the past, I felt invalidated in relationships and it is not something I’m allowing other people to have power over me with anymore. It helps that I have built myself up enough to become a self-empowered individual.

Not believing I had ever struggled or suffered or had anything to find challenging in life is what kept me hating myself for a long time. It’s what kept me running and hiding from my own emotions and feelings, because I believed they were not valid, and I was scared. I was taught to never dare openly own my struggles or pain, like so many of us are.

It kept me from being kind and caring to myself, it kept me from growing a deeper level of compassion for myself and others, and most importantly it kept me from shining as my true self in the world.

They took my boundary well, and we turned around the conversation surprisingly quickly with no hard feelings.

I’ve come to understand the way I own, hold and assert myself is confronting to people sometimes, but I’ve also had to learn- not to back down, just because some people may be confronted.

In a sense I’ve noticed this calls people to action, to own their own stuff too at times.

Some may see this as tough love, I also see it as fierce self-preservation and protection.

Its become more important for me to protect myself over protecting other people.

It’s also no wonder I’m feisty at times too- when for so long I allowed myself to be a door mat, and to be walked over and taken advantage of by others in my life.

I’ve been through the hard school of life to learn these lessons, and I am grateful for all I have learned. It makes sense that I must change how I live now though and protect myself in these ways- even if it is sometimes with the people I love.

My whole intention when I started to work on myself was to find stability and security within myself, to create a safe space in myself where I could nurture and grow into the person I want to be.

With this intention comes responsibility, to hold strong in my boundaries, and to not allow other people’s doubts, fears, traumas, and beliefs to cloud my vision that I’ve worked long and hard to clear.

Self-protection can feel like you’re closing yourself off from bonding with people, or like you’re being selfish, close-minded or cold, but sometimes it is the healthiest most gentle thing to do. If you listen deeply to yourself you will hear when something doesn’t sit right, when someone crosses a boundary, or when you feel hurt. You get to decide if or how much you allow this exchange, how much you participate, how you join in, and what you take away from it.

You get to return to your story, because at the end of the day no one is you, and no one knows the ups, downs and intricacies of your life and what you had to go through to get where you are today.

No one needs to validate things for you, for it to be the truth.

There is strength in owning your vulnerabilities, speaking your truth, and asserting your boundaries.

Fierce self-protection can be a powerful act of gentleness, an important gesture of self-love, and an essential element of healing and growth.

I am grateful I had this exchange with this person because we could recognize growth on both sides, and growth within the relationship as well. The way we turned the conversation around and still had a beautiful time enjoying each other’s company just shows how we don’t always have to see eye to eye with people to create moments of harmony, love and connectedness in relationships.

Thanks for reading ❤