On the Other Side of Reality
A Science Fiction Short Story by Amy Potter
This was the closest she had ever come to total relaxation. Her mind was completely blank; she had no intrusive thoughts of her own. Then, out of the blackness between existence and annihilation, from the distant reaches of her psyche, came a blinding, brilliant white flash of light followed by luminous blue dots. The random dots seemed to come from far away and then rush with terrifying speed until they closed in on her. She instinctively jerked back to avoid being hit. Then, just as quickly as they had begun, the dots ended, and a fuzzy deep red color enveloped her.
“Lani, are you all right?” a man’s voice asked.
“Yes,” she answered weakly.
“Open your eyes now.” He had to repeat the command twice before she did.
When Lani opened her eyes, the first thing she focused on was the enormous computer console directly ahead of her. The machine had flashing lights, and it made a low humming noise in the background. Then she looked at Stine. “Could you see it on the monitor?”
“We’ve got it on video this time, kid.”
A voice inside her resented being called “kid”, but she hid her emotions and just said, “Good.”
“Well, unless you want to review the video, that’s all for today.”
“No, I don’t believe I want to see it again. It was a little scary. Tomorrow at the same time?”
“Right.”
#
On the ride home, Lani looked out the commuto-rail porthole and thought about Stine. Ever since meeting him, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was incredibly handsome, but far too serious. He was married to his work, particularly to the Computerized Hallucinatory Induction Monitoring Emulation System.
CHIMES was his creation, his “pet”, and his baby, all rolled up into one gigantic accumulation of metal oxide semiconductor field effect transistors, dials, and display lights. The display lights, he admitted, were for show. CHIMES was some type of particle accelerator, and it emitted a weak radiation. It was reminiscent of the ancient cathode ray televisions, literally particle accelerators that pointed at your face. If you overcharged them, they emitted gamma radiation.
Lani signed a waiver before she could undergo the experimentation. Although she had no idea how the machine worked, she knew it was supposed to be useful in managing a myriad of mental health issues.
Lani was just beginning to fantasize about making Stine forget all about CHIMES when the commuto-rail came to her stop. Twenty minutes later, she was home and sound asleep.
#
“Look, Stine. There’s something we’ve got to talk about before you hook me up to that machine of yours today.”
“It is not a ‘machine,’” he said indignantly. “It is a Computerized Hallucinatory Induction Monitoring Emulation System. This highly technical piece of equipment has no mechanized parts. Therefore, it is not a machine.”
“All right, already! I know, I know. But listen to me first. Will you please sit down and stop glaring at me? You’d think I had insulted your manhood or something.”
Stine blushed slightly and sat down next to Lani.
“Look. About my pay for doing this experiment: when do I get it?”
“Well, Lani, I told you when we began, it might take a while. After all, the grant money is presently tied up in equipment, and, of course, I must pay my lease here, and then there is the electric bill — it really runs high these past few months — and …”
“Stop! Enough already! I don’t want to hear excuses. I think there’s a word for people who do that.”
“Irresponsible? Unreliable?”
“Yeah, that’s it. What I want to hear about is exactly when I can expect my money. You see, it’s not for me. It’s for my creditors. Like my landlord, for instance, who is getting ready to throw me out into the street for not paying my last four months’ rent. Can you understand my problem?”
“Yes, of course. But, Lani, I am having the same problems. My latest grant is being held up by the reviewing committee because of some technicality. I am living off my own savings, and they are dwindling rapidly.”
“What you’re trying to tell me, I gather, is that you can’t pay me anything.”
“Well, now, I can pay you a little — enough to hold you over until the grant comes through.”
“How much is ‘a little’?”
“How much do you need?”
“Until when?”
“Come on, Lani. Cooperate with me. Give me a straight answer.”
“How can I answer your questions if I don’t understand them?”
“Lani, I can give you 25 credits. That would have to last you until, oh, say about March.”
“You’ve got to be kidding! That wouldn’t pay two months’ back rent.”
“Where do you live, the Hilton?”
“No, the pits. The landlord graciously adds interest to overdue rent, but don’t get me wrong. I’ll take anything I can get.”
“We will settle your account directly after today’s session.”
“Fine with me.”
#
This scene differed from any of the other experiences Lani had with CHIMES. Unlike surreal or enigmatic images, this one was a real three-dimensional reality with a tapestry of colors that swirled, merged, and intertwined. She felt her legs move as she walked down a narrow dirt path in a dreamlike garden. On each side of her, the vibrant flowers extended seemingly to infinity.
In front of her, as far as she could see up a gentle hillside, the path ran through the flowers. She turned around and saw the path going down from another hillside behind her.
She looked down at the flowers and studied them. Each one seemed to differ from its neighbor. First a bluebell-looking one, then one that resembled a navy blue rose, then a sky blue tulip, a fiery orange pansy, a scarlet red violet. The list was endless, and the colors of the flower varieties appeared unlimited. She recalled reading that blue roses do not naturally exist. The blue rose represents mystery, the impossible or the unattainable. That entirely described this spectacular garden.
The more Lani looked, the more confused she became. All the unnatural colors and bizarre shapes made her head spin and hurt. That was when it happened.
The smell came to her, and what a smell it was! A barrage of odors, blended together, and yet distinct. It was too much for her to handle. She screamed and closed her eyes, but the enigmatic garden was still there, visible through her closed eyelids. She screamed once more and ran along the path.
“Open your eyes! Open your eyes!” a man’s voice called.
Finally, she heard the command and obeyed. She saw the familiar computer and then Stine, who was bent down beside her, a look of concern on his face.
“What happened?” he asked.
“What do you mean? Didn’t you see everything on the monitor?”
“Yes. I saw a brilliant garden, a dirt path running through it, a hillside, a blue sky and billowy clouds, and sunlight. But you became agitated. You were shaking, perspiration broke out on your forehead, and then you screamed. What was it?”
“The smell, and the colors — they made me feel insane. I couldn’t stand it.”
“Okay, just relax then. It was only a hallucination. Do you want a drink?”
“No. Could I have my money now?”
“Oh, so you remember your money. You must have a genuine mercenary streak to go through such a terrible experience, yet remember to ask about your money.”
She glared at him and thought to herself about the ways she might knock some empathy and emotions into him.
She simply replied, “If you don’t mind, I have my reasons for wanting that money. So if you please, I’ll take it and leave. I need to go home.”
“Okay. Here.” He handed her 25 credits from his pocket. “Enjoy it.”
“Oh, someone will enjoy it. I won’t have it long enough myself. Tomorrow?”
“Same time, same space.”
#
A barely audible but insistent knock at his door woke Stine from a sound sleep. He groggily got to his feet and stumbled to answer. “Who is it?”
“It’s me. Lani.”
“It is very late.”
“No, it’s very early. Let me in.”
He opened the door. Lani stood there, loaded down with a small box, two suitcases, and a large shoulder bag.
“What are you doing with all that stuff?”
“Will you please let me in so I can set this down? Then I’ll be able to talk.”
He opened the door wider, a little reluctantly, took the largest suitcase, and led her to his living area.
“Now please explain your presence at this late hour.”
“It’s not late; it’s early. Three o’clock. When I got home yesterday evening, my landlord had all my stuff thrown outside in a gigantic pile. To make it even worse, he kept my video machine and changed the lock on the door so I couldn’t get in.”
“So, if he threw you out when you got home, where have you been for the past nine hours?”
“It took me over an hour just to pick up my stuff and get it organized. Then I just walked around the park for an hour or so, trying to think of somewhere to go. Then, while I was walking, I went past this little drinking establishment. So I drank my supper and got really messed up. Then, after I was sick, I thought of you. So I walked here, and here I am.”
“It’s nice to know that when you get sick, you think of me. Well, I guess you can stay on my couch until you can find yourself another place.”
“Thanks. But it might take some time. I don’t have any money to get another place, anyway. Remember?”
“Okay. I partly feel responsible for you because I could not pay you for your services yet.”
“That‘s about right, Stine. You only ‘partly feel’ everything. Good night.”
“Good night.”
#
It was the same limitless garden, the same obscene smells, and the same baffling feeling for Lani. But Stine instructed her on how to control her fears of the place, and she wasn’t doing too badly. She could feel the insanity, barely below the surface, but so far she could keep it under control.
Before the experiment began, Stine had told her to walk along the path and try to make it to the top of the hill. So now, as she walked along, she concentrated on each footstep. She even watched her feet as they alternated on the path.
She noticed the smells were changing slightly, and she calmly thought about how much Stine had wanted her to describe them to him. There just were no words for it. She noticed now that the ammonia smell got stronger with every step.
She kept her head down, watching her feet, and she took short, quick breaths to avoid coughing from the stench. Then she bumped into something solid.
She looked up and saw a black shadow, the only way she could describe it. It seemed unreal — even more so than everything else she had seen in this garden. The shadow moved as if weightless. Somehow, she knew it did not belong here.
The stench of ammonia became even stronger as the Shadow spoke.
“Pardon me,” it said in a male voice.
It took Lani by surprise that a shadow with no visible means of verbalizing should speak, so she answered it normally.
“Oh, no. It was my fault. I should’ve been watching where I was going.”
“Are you enjoying the Garden?”
“Not really. Where did you come from?”
“From the Village.” He pointed towards the way Lani had come.
“Where does this road lead?” she asked.
“To the Palace.”
“Who’s garden is this?”
“It belongs to the People, but there is no more time for questions. It is almost nighttime. We must seek a camp for the night. I do hope you will join me.”
“Oh, but I couldn’t. I don’t even know you. Why, I’m not even really here…”
But before she could finish her sentence, the daylight abruptly gave way to the blackest of nights. With no warning, no twilight, no sunset, there was just an abrupt absence of light.
This unexpected nightfall broke the small amount of sanity Lani clung to. She screamed loudly for what seemed like hours.
#
As Lani slowly opened her eyes, she smelled the ammonia once again. Directly above her and bending over her appeared the Shadow. She rapidly closed her eyes to the soothing comfort of blackness.
When she opened them again, Stine stood over her.
“Where’d he go?”
“Where did who go?” Stine asked.
“The Shadow. He was just here, bad breath and all.”
“What, dear girl, are you talking about? I have been here the entire time.”
He saw her confused look and began explaining what had happened.
“You see, kid, you passed out this time. I monitored you closely on the screen, especially since we discussed ways to control your fear of the garden. You were doing fine, walking towards that hillside, when suddenly you stopped. You just stood there for about a minute; then the monitor went black, you screamed and then fainted. That has been,” he checked his watch, “about 90 minutes ago.”
“That long?”
“It is rather long for a faint. I became quite worried about you. Meanwhile, I reviewed the tape time and again, and I can find nothing in it that would make you suddenly afraid — unless it was that sudden darkness.”
Stine furrowed his brow and became pensive. “For some reason, I remembered something I learned from my mother many years ago. My grandparents raised her in the Catholic faith. She told me about this place called Limbo that the theologians believed in. The Edge of Hell, she said, as if Hell is an actual place with a real boundary. Theologians believed that Limbo is the place where you go after death if you died in original sin, but do not receive an assignment to be with the damned in Hell. It is a place where the edges of reality blur into infinity.”
“What about the Shadow? Didn’t you see him?”
“There were no shadows showing on the monitor.”
“Not shadows. The Shadow. A person — I guess that’s what you’d call it. I bumped into it — him. He talked to me. He told me about the path and where it leads.”
“If you saw someone and talked to it, or him, it did not show up on the monitor; and you said nothing out loud, but tell me exactly your impressions of him.”
Lani went over her experience. Then she included the hallucination she had upon awakening.
“Absolutely amazing,” Stine said when she had finished. CHIMES produces optical, audio, and olfactory hallucinations that are undetectable by the monitor. It must deeply imbed them in the subconscious mind.”
“I don’t know about all that, but it seemed genuine enough to scare me out of ten years’ growth. Let’s go home.”
“You are home.”
She glanced around. “No, this isn’t your apartment. This is the lab.”
“My landlord called today and wishes me to kindly vacate the premises. You see, I, too, am a bit behind on my rent payments. I will have to go pick up my things tonight. You might as well stay here. This will have to serve as our sleeping quarters for a while.”
“Until your grant comes through?”
“Right.”
“There’s only one cot.”
“We shall take turns — one on the cot, one on the floor or in the chair.”
“I need a drink,” she said, suddenly depressed.
“Here. I have already fixed you something.”
She took a large gulp of the white liquid he offered her and then spat it out into the glass again.
“What’s this terrible stuff? Are you trying to poison me? It tastes like chalk.”
“It is called milk, and it is very good for you.”
“Good grief! What have I gotten myself into?”
“Whatever it is, I am afraid we are in it together.”
#
Stine relaxed on the cot and Lani tried to sleep sitting in the chair used for the experiments. Finally, she gave it up as being hopeless. She needed some music to soothe her nerves. She went over to the radio, eyes half-closed, and turned the knob. Static emerged from the speaker. She twisted the tuning knob but only got more static and a strange high-pitched buzzing.
“Even this is better than deadly quiet.” She said to herself as she stumbled back over to the chair and sat down.
“Lani. Lani,” a soft voice called in the ancient whisper of the lost.
She woke up but kept her eyes closed; her nostrils burned with the smell of that unpleasant ammonia odor. Her entire body tingled as if with static electricity. She could feel the hair on her arms stand up.
“Shadow?”
“Lani, open your eyes,” the voice said.
She did, and there she was in the wild garden once again, standing at the Shadow’s side.
“How’d I get here again?” she asked him.
“You walked down the path.”
“It’s daylight again. What happened to the night?”
“The night is over. You slept soundly.”
“I slept? Not here. I was back in the real world.”
“This is the real world. You must give up your affection for the other reality.”
“But that’s the only thing that keeps me there.”
“My love, perhaps you are not supposed to be there any longer.” And with those words, the Shadow jogged up the path to the hillside.
“Wait! Shadow! Wait. I have more questions.”
“I shall meet you in the Palace,” he called back to her.
#
“Lani. Lani,“ a voice softly called.
She woke up, but she kept her eyes closed; her nostrils burned with the smell of that unpleasant ammonia odor. The tingle she felt earlier was more heated. She had that strange feeling of having gone through all this before.
“Shadow?”
“Lani, open your eyes,” the voice said.
She quickly opened her eyes and saw Stine bending over her.
“What?”
“My exact question,” he retorted. “What are you doing with CHIMES turned to full power? You know we do not know what that kind of energy surge will do to your body, not to mention your mind.”
“Wait. I didn’t have it on!”
“Yes, you did. You must have done it in your sleep if you do not remember. It was on full power, and you were sitting there, in that chair,” he pointed back to the chair, “and then you got up and began walking around.”
“How could I get up and walk around? That Inducer of yours is only effective when I’m sitting in that chair.”
“Certainly,” he said a little milder, because he was about to explain something about his favorite subject. “But you had turned the power up all the way. Therefore, the Inducer would either work over a wider area or it embedded the hallucination deeper into your mind. It would be an interesting experiment to see which happened. I believe it must have been the latter, though, because my mind was unaffected by the Inducer. I could sense a tingling that was growing hot.”
“This is all very interesting, Stine, but I’ve got to ask you something very important.”
“What?”
“I want you to send me back there.”
“To that garden?”
“Yes. I’ve got to get to the Palace. That Shadow is supposed to meet me there.”
“Oh, come; now, Lani. That is absurd. Those are just hallucinations. They are not real. Besides, it would be too dangerous for you to have another hallucination right now. You just had a terribly high burst of power. I must keep you under observation. There is no telling what it will do to you or how it can affect you. I do not think we should continue at all until I see what the effects of this are.”
“No, Stine. You can’t do that; not when I’m so close.” Her voice shook and tears welled up in her eyes.
“The only thing you are close to, kid, is a breakdown. I want you to lie down on the cot. I am going to get you a sedative.”
“Okay.” Lani took a mental hold on herself and realized Stine was talking good sense.
He came back with a syringe, and the dreamless sleep of the drugged overcame Lani.
#
Later, Lani dreamed she was in a parallel reality or a forgotten future that once was or is yet to be. She was lying on the grass in a beautiful garden. It wasn’t the one of the hallucination. This one had normal-looking flowers and even some flowering trees. The crisp, clean breeze carried the scent of the many varieties, and the sunshine made the dew sparkle like diamonds in the grass.
By her side was Stine, but this Stine was different. He was laughing. He actually had a smile on his face. This Stine was carefree and blissful and not at all his usual serious self. A feeling of elation overcame Lani.
In the distance, she saw a beautiful pink fairy-tale castle. No, it was a majestic palace, a witness to the eternal passage of time. And she knew this was where she and Stine lived. It was as if the past, present, and future converged, flowing like a languid ribbon of temporal energy.
But his name wasn’t Stine, and hers wasn’t Lani. She tried to think of what their names were, but couldn’t. So she just lay in the bed of thick purple and white violets beside Stine and enjoyed the pleasure of his company. She was unsure if a moment stretched into eternity or if an eternity passed in the blink of an eye.
The next thing she was aware of was of being jerked awake. She rolled over and grunted and kept her eyes shut, but then she smelled the ammonia.
“Lani, wake up,” said the voice of the Shadow.
She opened her eyes. They were both standing in the front hall of the palace. All around her were the pink stone walls, well-kept and clean, standing as a silent witness to a long-lost civilization.
“How could I be asleep if I’m standing up?” she asked.
“You were sleep-walking,” answered the Shadow. It sounded logical.
“Where is Stine?”
“I told you I would meet you in the Palace.”
“Yes, I know. But I was just with Stine. Out there, in the Garden. Where is he now?”
“I am here.”
“I know that,” she said, becoming agitated. “Do you know Stine?”
The Shadow did not answer. He turned around, his black robes waving in the breeze his movement caused.
Lani noticed the Shadow was of a more solid consistency. She recalled that the last time she had seen him running up the hill to the Palace on the other side, he had been solid — not a “shadow” at all. Now, she reached out to grab him, but she only caught hold of his cloak. It fell off, and he turned around in a rage. She finally saw who the Shadow really was.
“You were not to do that! It was not time for you to see me,” he exclaimed. He turned and ran as fast as he could to a stairway.
Lani felt a spellbinding effect and couldn’t move. The Shadow was Stine.
He stopped at the stairs and turned back to gaze at her. “I guess it does not make any difference. I wanted you to find out, eventually. This is our Palace, you know. When you were dreaming about the garden and the Palace and me lying beside you — that was looking into the future.”
“How do you know what I was dreaming?”
“I know everything that goes on here. I just…” he paused. He looked down at his feet, then back up at Lani, and he crossed the distance between them. “I just needed someone here with me. I am so lonely. I can teach you all kinds of things. I know you seek answers, and I can offer you glimpses into mysteries that lie beyond the veil of perception. We can share all of this together. I will love you. That is what you desire most of all, is it not?”
“Oh, Stine. How long have I waited to hear you say that? But this is all so strange. How could you be here, too? You’re back in the lab.”
“No, I am with you always.” He gently embraced her and kissed her passionately. “This is where you are supposed to be.”
#
She woke up to the smell of ammonia.
“No!” she screamed. “Not again!”
“Lani, it’s all right; it’s me, Stine.”
She looked up at him, but it wasn’t Stine. It was the Shadow. He was holding a vial under her nose and the smell of ammonia was overpowering.
“Go away!” she screamed.
“It is me, Lani,” he said. “This is smelling salts. Open your eyes and wake up.”
“Where is Stine? Why are you back here?”
“I am Stine. Lani, you were dreaming.”
“No, wait.” She raised herself up to a sitting position on the cot. “I know. You put your cloak back on.”
“Lani, please get control of yourself. Come back to reality.”
She was now pulling his shirt wildly. “No. It’s got to come off. You are Stine.”
“Yes,” he answered, believing she was finally coming out of the hallucination. “Yes, Lani. I am Stine. Stop pulling my shirt.”
“You are the old shadow; my hand goes clear through you.”
“No, Lani. I am real.” Stine was seriously worried about her. Then she looked over his shoulder so intently that even he thought there must be someone there. He turned to look. Lani stared at the partially open window. A gentle breeze blew the curtains inside the sill.
Suddenly, with superhuman strength, Lani pushed him to the floor. She ran to the window and lifted the pane all the way up.
“Stine! Wait for me. I’m coming with you to our Palace.”
And before Stine could even get up, Lani jumped.
#
“So you are back here in the real world,” Stine said to her.
“Yes,” Lani answered. “And it’s wonderful here.”
“Did you have a bad dream?”
“I think so. I dreamed I was falling and just as I hit the ground, I woke up. I don’t remember anything else.”
“Good. There are no memories in the dream world worth knowing.”
“Whatever became of that first shadow — that shadow my hand passed through?”
“It must have been a hallucination, a product of your imagination. But now we are here together, and I must teach you the forgotten wisdom before you can love this place as I do. Here, the true nature of existence will unfold in ways that defy understanding.”
“Just stay with me always.”
“I am always with you,” Stine answered and took her in his arms once more.
#
“We’re truly sorry about this entire investigation, Dr. Stine,” said the chairperson of the Investigatory Committee, “but as you know, it is necessary. If we prove your Inducer caused this girl’s suicide, even though she was a human guinea-pig, then we must withdraw your grant. You could be sued by the girl’s relatives although you would win the lawsuit because of the nature of the human experimentation and the new laws.”
“She signed a standard waiver of liability,” Stine told them. “I fear no trouble from the legal system. If you will look at my records, you will discover she had a public history of mental health struggles.”
“I am sure we will find all this information, just as you have stated it. However, the investigation will take a while. Meanwhile, you must not use any more volunteers for human experimentation with your Inducer. You must understand this.”
“That is quite satisfactory with me, Doctor. Besides, until I receive the next grant, I can do no more work. You understand — monetary matters and such.”
“Oh, yes. It wasn’t that long ago that I was working on my experiments with Senoi Dreamworking. I had an interesting thing happen,” the Doctor began, but when he saw Stine’s bored look, he said, “But that’s a rather long story. Anyway, we will keep in touch with you, Dr. Stine.”
“Thank you very much for your kind assistance in taking over this investigation. I look forward to hearing from you again in the near future.”
Now that the initial inquisition was over, Stine looked at the machine.
“CHIMES, you have caused me nothing but problems. Until I hear from these investigators, which may take months, you can consider yourself out of a job.”
He opened up the back of the Inducer and began pulling some key transistors. Lights and displays on the front of the machine went out, and soon the permeating low-pitched humming ended and the machine was dead.
#
A storm’s vortex surged, distorting the fabric of the other side of reality. Everything became silent and motionless. The ethereal realm of Limbo trapped Lani, leaving her forever stranded in a timeless void between heavenly bliss and infernal agony.
#
Thanks for reading.
Amy Potter
