Few Relationships Get Past What I Call the “F#ck Bunny” Stage
How Many Times Has the Relationship Ended Once the Sex Slowed Down?
Throughout my life, I noticed that a lot of relationships didn’t last very long. I also noticed that in the few months it lasted, the couples would often have lots of sex. It often seemed like there was some kind of fog that took over people’s minds when they first got into a relationship.
I have a habit of pondering on different aspects of life and this one had me quite interested. It helped that I wasn’t exactly popular with the ladies when I was younger so I hadn’t personally experienced it, lol.
The fog I mentioned is the aspect of new relationships where both people seem to think their partner is perfect and can do no wrong. They spend tons of time with each other and there tends to be a lot of sex involved. I wondered why this happened so consistently, from the same person who it happened to over and over, to the fact it happened to nearly everyone.
I concluded that there had to be some kind of chemicals involved. My working theory was the idea that biologically, we’re driven to have children. The best way to do that is to have two people have lots of sex immediately before they possibly realize they aren’t right for each other. If they have a kid, many people will try to make it work, regardless of compatibility at that point.
I figured that chemicals in the brain were a result of this behavior and I labeled it the f#ck bunny stage. What can I say? It seemed accurate, lol.
Eventually, I looked it up and I received some degree of confirmation on my theory. I’m not so sure that mating is the primary aspect of it but there are certainly a lot of chemicals that your brain is pumping for some time during a new relationship.
Why does any of this matter?
I think the biggest reason knowing about this matters is that a lot of red flags can be missed in the haze of a new relationship. People can be really crappy, but the other person doesn’t see it for what it is. They’re literally high on chemicals their own brain has produced and not making the best decisions.
It seems that when that high comes down, usually after a few months, that people start to notice the red flags. They quickly realized that this person who could do no wrong is suddenly doing wrong all over the place! The thing is, while some people get crappier the longer a relationship goes, a lot of this behavior was being exhibited from the beginning.
The biggest thing that knowing this can help with is to let you try and get past the strong feelings and think critically. If you find yourself excusing behavior you normally wouldn’t excuse, this is a good time to try and push that aside and really look at the relationship.
If they do things that are deal-breakers, you need to get out sooner rather than later. Don’t wait for the high to recede, bail out now. Get back to looking for someone who’s actually right for you, instead of just enjoying the dream you’re currently living in and waking up to a nightmare.
There’s another aspect to this as well.
Another aspect is when there aren’t any red flags. When the person is great and everything really is perfect. A lot of people will end relationships because the passion they felt while in their chemically induced fog has faded. They don’t understand why they suddenly don’t feel as strongly about the person anymore.
Maybe they really care, but the passion isn’t nearly as strong. They must not actually really love this person, right? Actually, that’s not the case. You just went from cloud nine and you’ve come back to Earth.
Don’t judge your relationship based on how good the first few months were. Your brain made it a lot better but that doesn’t mean you don’t have yourself a keeper. If you keep hopping from person to person, expecting that this next person will be the one where the high sticks around forever, you’re going to be disappointed.
There’s a reason why even the best relationships take work. Nobody is perfect and nobody is going to make you feel like you did in the beginning, in perpetuity. That just isn’t how love works, unfortunately.
You can have a highly passionate relationship with someone you really care about but it just won’t be the same. Don’t expect it to be.
Well, there was a very basic explanation for why we behave this way early in relationships. You also have an idea as to why knowing about it can help you. If you want to know more detail about how the whole brain chemistry thing works, here are a few links for your edification! Later!
